What Does The Prayer Really Say?
W D T P R S

With the appointment of Bishop-Elect Paul Joseph Swain to the See of Sioux Falls, that means that H.E. Samuel Aquila, Bishop of Fargo, is no longer to be the Apostolic Administrator of Sioux Falls.

Right?

Old new to you?  I learned today that Pope Benedict XVI has cancalled the 12 year annual Christmas concert because, get this,  "he does not share his predecessor’s taste for pop music and wants to avoid scandal" or so it is reported by La Stampa.  I guess that concert was infra Pontificis dignitatem.

The concert will be trasferred to Monaco and won’t be held in the Paul VI audience hall.   The Pope didn’t attend last year, which made some of the old guard freak out. 

"It is impossible not to notice a change under the new pontiff," the ANSA news agency said. "Benedict XVI is a very sober pope and is not inclined toward variety shows. He is more concerned about leading the faith of Catholics to its spiritual essence."

La Stampa suggested that Benedict XVI’s reluctance to continue the Christmas concert tradition stems not only from the German-born pope’s preference for classical music, but also his desire to avoid the small scandals that have plagued the event in recent years.

Some really stupid things happened at those concerts, I can tell you.   I suppose some dopey people will say, "Gee, the Pope must hate music." or "Wow, the Pope must hate young people."

I respond, "Let’s reclaim dignity!"

There are some really interesting people listed in the Marytrologium Romanum today, who I cannot pass up mentioning.

I already mentioned in another entry St. Joseph of Arimethea and St. Nicodemus, from the New Testment.

Today is also the feast of St. Aristides, a philosopher who wrote to the Emperor Hadrian.

There is an amazing Paulinus, bishop and martyr, who was deeply involved with the Arian controversy (referred to in the MartRom as ariana infestatio).

At Lindisfarne, St. Aidan, bishop and abbot.

Blessed Andrew of Borgo San Sepolcro, which was the birthplace of the painting of one of the most perfect paintings ever conceived by the mind of man.  (I am sure one of you can tell me what this painting is.  It is in Borgo San Sepolcro, btw.)

And the amazing St. Raymond Nonnatus (yes, from Latin non natus), who became Master General of the Mercedarians who labored to raise money to ransom slaves from the infidel Muslims, took up the sword to fight for them, or offered their own persons in their stead.  St. Raymond, get this, when he exchanged himself for a captive in North Africa was tortured.  The members of the religion of peace spiked his lips and sealed his mouth to keep him from preaching.  He was eventually ransomed.  He was named cardinal by Pope Gregory IX but died on his way to Rome at the age of 36.

On the blog Wormtalk and Slugspeak I was astonished to see a word not so many people use or even know: Gomer. "Well!" quoth I, "It is time to talk about Fat Man’s Laws of the House of God!"

"But Father!" you are sure to be saying, "What does this have to do with St. Augustine? Or what prayers really say??"

The answer to that should be obvious once you get the Laws.

Samuel Shem’s book The House of God about doctors and interns at a Boston hospital in the 1970’s is my constant inspiration. Especially useful for understanding all things ecclesiastical are the Fat Man’s Laws of the House of God which I have constantly before my eyes.

Especially these days, for reasons that ought to be apparent.

Here are a few things you need to know before you get the list.

GOMER: An acronym of “Get Out of My Emergency Room”. These are patients admitted frequently with complicated but uninspiring and incurable conditions. They are sometimes called “too old to die.” GOMER applies also to patients described as “LOL in NAD” or “Little Old Lady in No Apparent Distress”, who would do better with some help at home than coming to the ER where really bad things could happen to her.

GO TO GROUND: The equivalent of “Go to turf”, which means basically being shifted off to someone else’s department.

BUN: “Blood Urea Nitrogen” is test that measures the the amount of nitrogen in the blood that comes from urea (which is secreted by the liver and removed from the blood by the kidneys).

LASIX: A brand name of Furosemide which is a loop diuretic used for congestive heart failure and edema. It has also been used to prevent race horses from bleeding through the nose. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Furosemide.png

BMS: The best medical student from the Best Medical School.

And now you are ready for Fat Man’s Laws of the House of God.

Please keep in mind possible ecclesiastical connections. The (helpful interlinear commentary) is mine.

I. GOMERS DON’T DIE.
(Some people simply live and live and live against all odds and indicators.)

II. GOMERS GO TO GROUND.
(The best way to handle GOMERS is to shove them off onto someone else.)

III. AT A CARDIAC ARREST, THE FIRST PROCEDURE IS TO TAKE YOUR OWN PULSE.
(See to yourself first, after all, it’s all about you.)

IV. THE PATIENT IS THE ONE WITH THE DISEASE.
(It’s not your problem, right?)

V. PLACEMENT COMES FIRST.
(Put the problem somewhere, and figure out what the problem is later.)

VI. THERE IS NO BODY CAVITY THAT CANNOT BE REACHED WITH A #14 NEEDLE AND A GOOD STRONG ARM.
(If it’s stuck force it, if it breaks, okay, it had to be replaced anyway.)

VII. AGE + BUN = LASIX DOSE.
(Really simple solutions to really complicated problems might not work, but what the heck!)

VIII. THEY CAN ALWAYS HURT YOU MORE.
(Tell me about it.)

IX. THE ONLY GOOD ADMISSION IS A DEAD ADMISSION.
(Both the paperwork and the time required are greatly reduced.)

X. IF YOU DON’T TAKE A TEMPERATURE, YOU CAN’T FIND A FEVER.
(Like putting your hands over your own eyes in order to hide from a problem.)

XI. SHOW ME A BMS WHO ONLY TRIPLES MY WORK AND I WILL KISS HIS FEET.
XI-A. Al’s Corollary: Show me a resident who only triples my work, and I will kiss his/her feet.
(If they only screw up my life a little, I’ll be happy. Good one for Italy. Cf. Latin: Primum non nocere.)

XII. IF THE RADIOLOGY RESIDENT AND THE BMS BOTH SEE A LESION ON THE CHEST X-RAY, THERE CAN BE NO LESION THERE.
(Given what we know about their real level of competence, if they came up with something, it must be wrong.)

XIII. THE DELIVERY OF MEDICAL CARE IS TO DO AS MUCH NOTHING AS POSSIBLE.
(This both cuts down on your work load and satisfies XI at the same time.)

I am thinking that you readers could perhaps make your own connections with what we see going on in the ecclesiastical world around us.

For example, are there any parallels between, say, (cf. XIII) a BMS with a Radiology Resident looking at a problem and a Liturgy Expert with a… ex-sister in charge of the parish choir?

Is there a parallel between, say, LAW III and being faced with making a decision about Catholic politicians who support abortion?

Have at!

Today is the feast of Sts. Joseph of Arimethea and Nicodemus:

1. Hierosolymae, commemoratio sanctorum Ioseph de Arimathaea et Nicodemi, qui corpus Iesu a cruce depositum acceperunt, involverunt in sindone et posuerunt in monumento. Ioseph, nobilis decurio et discipulus Domini, regnum Dei expectabat; Nicodemus autem, ex Pharisaeis, princeps Iudaeorum, ad Iesum nocte venerat interrogans de missione eius atque coram pontificibus et Pharisaeis, qui volebant Iesum apprehendere, causam eius defendit. .. At Jerusalem, the commemoration of Saints Joseph of Arimethea and Nicodemus, who received the Body of Jesus once taken down from the Cross, wrapped it in a burial shroud and placed it in the tomb. Joseph, a noble decurion (member of the senate of a Roman colony) and disciple of the Lord was awating the kingdom of God; Nicodemus, on the other hand, of the Pharisees and a leader of the Jews, went to Jesus in the night asking Him about His mission and, in the presence of the priests and Pharisees who wanted to arrest Jesus, defended His case.

 

The Bishop of Hippo speaks about Nicodemus in one of his Tractates on the Gospel of John 11. He has a fascinating riff into Abraham, Isaac and Jacob:

6. This Nicodemus, who had come to Jesus by night, did not savor of this spirit and this life. Saith Jesus to him, "Except a man be born again, he shall not see the kingdom of God." And he, savoring of his own flesh, while as yet he savored not of the flesh of Christ in his mouth, saith, "How can a man be born a second time, when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb, and be born?" This man knew but one birth, that from Adam and Eve; that which is from God and the Church he knew not yet: he knew only those parents that bring forth to death, knew not yet the parents that bring forth to life; he knew but the parents that bring forth successors, knew not yet the ever-living parents that bring forth those that shall abide.

Whilst there are two births, then, he understood only one. One is of the earth, the other of heaven; one of the flesh, the other of the Spirit; one of mortality, the other of eternity; one of male and female, the other of God and the Church. But these two are each single; there can be no repeating the one or the other. Rightly did Nicodemus understand the birth of the flesh; so understand thou also the birth of the Spirit, as Nicodemus understood the birth of the flesh. What did Nicodemus understand? "Can a man enter a second time into his mother’s womb, and be born?" Thus, whosoever shall tell thee to be spiritually born a second time, answer in the words of Nicodemus, "Can a man enter a second time into his mother’s womb, and be born?" I am already born of Adam, Adam cannot beget me a second time. I am already born of Christ, Christ cannot beget me again. As there is no repeating from the womb, so neither from baptism.

7. He that is born of the Catholic Church, is born, as it were, of Sarah, of the free woman; he that is born of heresy is, as it were, born of the bond woman, but of Abraham’s seed. Consider, beloved, how great a mystery. God testifies, saying, "I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob." Were there not other patriarchs? Before these, was there not holy Noah, who alone of the whole human race, with all his house, was worthy to be delivered from the flood,—he in whom, and in his sons, the Church was prefigured? Borne by wood, they escaped the flood. Then afterwards great men whom we know, whom Holy Scriptures commends, Moses faithful in all his house. And yet those three are named, just as if they alone deserved well of him: "I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob: this is my name for ever." Sublime mystery! It is the Lord that is able to open both our mouth and your hearts, that we may speak as He has deigned to reveal, and that you may receive even as it is expedient for you.