What you have always suspected: burlap banners are EVIL

You’ve all seen them.

You’ve hated them for years.

Now comes confirmation of what I have always known.

When Liturgical Banners ATTACK!

From The Crescat

San Francisco:: What started out as a faith filled Easter Vigil at Grace Cathedral Episcopalian turned tragic when Dean Alan Jones was attacked by one of his own banners in the middle of the Liturgy. His cry of "GAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa!" filled the sanctuary while onlookers sat stunned in the midst of the carnage.

The witnesses later reported that several banners came swooping down and began attacking the worshippers while the main alter banner attacked their pastor and carried him off. A search party was quickly organized.

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About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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12 Responses to What you have always suspected: burlap banners are EVIL

  1. Richard says:

    That’s the funniest thing I’ve read this week.

  2. Tim Ferguson says:

    Perhaps the search parties could look in the labyrinths. They may have been sucked into some time warp (of course, if they wake up and it’s 1974, they might not notice).

  3. Brian Day says:

    Burlap banners? Whoa!

    I know that felt banners are evil, but burlap? There must be a special place in hell for makers of burlap banners. :^)

  4. Sure, if you think God is a hippie (circa 1969), you have to make burlap banners.

    It’s hard to imagine now how daft people were then. Just think, disco came after it, and disco caught on (well, for a while). Gives you an idea how bad it was that disco was considered an improvement, doesn’t it?

  5. God save us from banners, labyrinths, liturgical dance, pin-nuns and all other such attacks on Your Holy Apostolic Church. Amen+

  6. Mary Jane says:

    My favorite feature of banners was the glued-on lettering, preferably felt. There is no glue that can hold things on burlap for any length of time. Slowly, the letters would fall off, leaving Al luia or L ve, but no one would ever take the banner down because “the second graders made it.”

  7. mcs says:

    My daughter and I recently divested our choir practice room of one of the nasty things. (Okay, it was felt not burlap.) Looked to be vintage early 70s. I think it was supposed to depict the Good Shepherd; at least, there were some sheep-like things in it. The main figure looked sort of like the Michelin Man, with rows of rolls making up the body and no face, although that last fact is probably a good thing.

  8. A says:

    It is quite insidious actually… first it starts with banners. Then before you know, there will be table runners!

  9. mmm. Table runners. Is that a new lay ministry?

  10. Joseph says:

    Fine linen, not course burlap. Reminds me of the “I love Lucy” episode.

  11. Sanctus Belle would presumably be on the side of the Eighteenth Century canons of Reims who got rid of the Thirteenth Century Labyrinth, with information about the designers, in the floor there. There’s one at Chartres, and Amiens too.

  12. Nothing wrong with a flower garden in the shape of a labyrinth as long as it remains a flower garden. It’s when one starts attaching magical significance to it that takes away from the Gospel, that one has a problem. Then it becomes a little bit like worshipping the hedges. Tilt.