Hilarious MP liberal press article template

This is too funny!   The Curt Jester offers a… well… you read it.  I tip my biretta!  o{]:¬)

I have too say, he nailed this!  Not quite sure what "MSM" is exactly, but it must have something to do with the modern liberally slanted media.  My emphases.

With the upcoming release of the Motu Proprio liberalizing the Tridentine rite you can expect a surge of articles in the MSM getting things wrong. As a service to the MSM I will give them a Motu Proprio boilerplate that they can arrange as they want with just the right spin, or is that rite spin, so that it fits into their normal templates. This boilerplate has enough mistakes and biases it make it indistinguishable from any other MSM article that will be appearing in the coming days.

  • Some people feel nostalgic for the Latin Mass.
  • In the Latin Mass the priest faces away from the congregation and prays, sometimes in a whisper, in Latin, a language unfamiliar to most of the world’s one billion Roman Catholics. Unlike in the new Mass which is celebrated in the vernacular with the priests facing their congregations.
  • Because two generations of American Catholics are accustomed to hearing the Mass celebrated in English, it’s unlikely most will want to switch to a liturgy that is longer, more formal and celebrated in a language they don’t understand.
  • Pope Benedict is taking the church back to before Vatican II and removing the reforms of the Council. Liberal, reform-minded Catholics are concerned about these rollbacks to progress made.
  • Some prayer for the Tridentine liturgy are offensive to Jews.
  • The Rev. <Insert Jesuit of choice> said <insert attack on the Tridentine rite>.
  • The groundbreaking Second Vatican Council opened the door to worship in the local vernacular.
  • The Latin Mass involves a diminished role for women as altar servers and eliminates progress made in women’s equality since Vatican II.
  • These changes will only aggravate declining Mass attendance by introducing a liturgy not relevant to the times.
  • Insert comment by former America editor Thomas Reese now a fellow at Woodstock Theological Center at Georgetown University. (Make sure you mention he was forced out of the editorship by Pope Benedict.) If you can’t get in touch with Thomas Reese for a direct quote just mention something about clash of cultures between conservative priests and liberal congregations.
  • Pope Benedict has been receiving resistance from the Bishops in France, England, and Wales who worry about the change dividing the church.
  • But liberals are deeply wary because a number of the rite’s adherents are associated with ultra conservative groups that oppose the radical reforms ushered in by the Council.
  • The proponents of the old Latin mass are said to number no more than 2 percent of Catholics, and polls show that the majority of Catholics embrace the reforms of Vatican II. There seems to be no demand for it.
  • Insert a comment from a proponent of the Tridentine Rite at the bottom of your piece.

Just mix and match and you will have a story ready to go to press in minutes. If you need some more fluff you can always mention once again how no one knows Latin anymore. You can always do a man in the street interview outside of a Catholic Church after Mass. Though contrary to what you might think don’t ask younger Catholics their opinion on this, look for someone with gray hair to get a good quote on why this change is bad.

Isn’t this just right?  I bet we can find some other things.

We could probably even come up with a sour-grapes template too.

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About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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7 Responses to Hilarious MP liberal press article template

  1. Matt says:

    Father – MSM means “main stream media”. Just an fyi.

  2. Vincenzo says:

    “You can always do a man in the street interview outside of a Catholic Church after Mass. Though contrary to what you might think don’t ask younger Catholics their opinion on this, look for someone with gray hair to get a good quote on why this change is bad.”

    click

  3. Cody says:

    “Though contrary to what you might think don’t ask younger Catholics their opinion on this, look for someone with gray hair to get a good quote on why this change is bad.”

    But, of course, if 100 reporters asked 100 people each and they all liked the Tridentine rite, they would interview 100 more people each until they got a favorable response…but, that aside, neither truth nor beauty are ruled by democracy.

  4. Dan says:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/worldlatest/story/0,,-6743470,00.html

    The above Guardian article fits the template to a “t.” Compared to the NYT article, my grade for it would be a D — at best.

  5. thetimman says:

    I posted a possible futuristic counter article re: a novus ordo indult on my site if interested.

    http://stlouiscatholic.blogspot.com

  6. Syriacus says:

    Just listen to the 8:45 am GR3 (Italian left-leaning state-radio-news) :

    http://www.radio.rai.it/grr/gr_3/archivio_2007/audio/gr3_20070629.0845.ram

    from min. 14:42 –> to 16:27 .

    It is really shameful. There is interviewed the infamous Fr. Rinaldo Falsini (an 83yo old Bugninist crony , who personally took part to the Council (author e.g. of similar horrors -regularly hosted on ‘Pastoral Life’, here put even on the website of the ‘Frisinian’ Roman Vicariate LitBureau: http://www.ufficioliturgicoroma.it/domande2.htm )

    What he declares in this interview absolutely crosses the borders of decency and intellectual honesty. A ton of venom against traditional piety, and a mountain of lies. He even affirms, among other delikatessen, that “The Minority of the Council wanted not just the Latin, but a a totally other religion, where people are excluded from everything…etc…” But we already know him. Pity that he’s still totally harbored and encouraged by the Paulines and their widely distributed publications , “Vita Pastorale” ,”Jesus”, “Famiglia Cristiana”…

    Besides, the litnik spin-doctors in these hours apparently dictated a ‘party-line’ , according to which the GR3 at the beginning of the report says: “Card. Bertone told that bishops will keep the control of the celebrations, and this worried the [sic] scismatics. ”

    (In)credible.

  7. Brian Day says:

    Motu Proprio Signals a New ‘Dark Ages’

    Motu Proprio Signals a New ‘Dark Ages’

    If you can’t beat them, join them. (Note: For those satirically challenged, please see the definition of parody)

    Rome — Pope Benedict, a former Hitler youth, will tell Roman Catholic priests in coming days that they can say mass in Latin— a dead language the no one knows anymore—as a concession to right wing extremists in the church, known as traditionalists.

    The decree by the Pope, a former Hitler youth, is known as a Motu Proprio. This cryptic latin phrase can be loosely translated “I can do whatever I want because I am the Pope and you can’t stop me.”

    The Latin Mass, also known as the Tridentine mass, is a product of the ‘dark ages’ and was understandably jettisoned by the reforms of the Second Vatican Council. The latin mass is said by the priest with his back to the congregation whispering secret prayers that only he can understand. In the Tridentine mass the laity does not participate at all , so they often turn to knitting, macramé, or checkers to pass the time.

    The move by the Pope, a former Hitler youth, has raised concern about reviving parts of the old liturgy that Jews consider anti-Semitic, gays consider homo-phobic, women consider sexist, dwarves consider anti-dwarfic (communion rails are too high), and priests consider too difficult to learn.

    The publication of this document is to be accompanied by a letter from the Pope, a former Hitler youth, to individual bishops explaining why he is doing this against their will and better judgment.

    French Cardinal Singe de Reddition commented, “We are trés disturbed by this action by the Pope, a former Hitler youth. We are trés, trés upset about this. We just managed to get all these people to stop coming to church and we are trés afraid that the Churches will fill up again. If that happens, the rest of Europe is sure to look down on us, you know, the way we look down on everyone else.”

    It is widely believed that the Pope, a former Hitler youth, is restoring the mass as a copout to the right wing group known as Lefebvrists and that this constitutes a complete rejection of all the reforms of Vatican II.

    It remains unclear at this time, since the exact contents of the documents are still unknown, how long it will be before the Church sets up the Inquisition again. Details should be available in “a few days.”