Fr. Longenecker over at Standing On My Head has an amusing, and useful, entry!
Lovers of the TLM might want to read this and pay careful attention during High Masses in the future.
A New Solution for the Sign of Peace
Ladies, are you sometimes disappointed with your hubby’s response to those weepy chick flicks you like so much? Does he yawn and scratch just when the girl is about to get her man? Even worse, has he dropped off to sleep? Is he snoring?
Does he prefer Monday night football to a nice gossip about children and who is going out with whom? Does he do manly things like hunt little baby deer and repair the lawnmower in the living room and drink beer with his buddies? Is he unconcerned about the really important things like the color of new drapes, selecting wallpaper and shopping at the mall?
Maybe you need a new product that has just come out in Europe. It’s a handy hormone spray that promises to make your man more sensitive and cuddly. You can read about it here.
This could be the solution to the world’s wars. Instead of spraying the enemy with machine gun bullets just roar over with a crop duster and douse them with the new hormone spray that makes men go all cuddly and sentimental and lovey dovey.
The army chaplains could have a special role in this. Once both sides are doused with the hormone cuddly spray the padre could jump up from the foxhole and cry out, "Let us share with one another the sign of peace!" Both armies would down their weapons and rush out into the field to hug one another.
For that matter, it could be just the solution for those uptight traddy congregations…you know the folks who look like part of the Eucharistic fast is to suck a lemon for an hour. The handy hormone spray could be produced in an incense form and when the thurifer comes down the aisle swinging the smoke, everyone would inhale the feel good hormone and suddenly all the rad trads would be swaying and singing, "We are one in the Spirit We are one in the Lord Bind us Together Lord Bind us Together He will raise us up on eagles wings here I am Lord it is I Lord…"
An interesting application of oxytocin, according to that story in the Daily Telegraph.