The stupidest jinned up commercial “holiday” of the year is just around the corner. And you men are required by commercial advertisers to be as stupid as the advertisers think you should think women are. And don’t forget guilty if you don’t buy Teddy Bears or diamonds.
Do you recall my tirade last year? Against “Vermont Teddy Bears”?
I must admit these commercials really make me see red and think black thoughts.
These moronic commercials portray women as total idiots.
They deepen the distortion of a feast day of the Church!
I mean… how stupid do they think women are?
I’m just askin’
“She’ll think you’ve planned it for weeks!” Smarmy ********
Yah… and she hasn’t seen the commercial… maybe while sitting next to you on the couch.
This year they have played down the “give her this and you’ll get laid because she doesn’t have a brain in her head” message, which was the sole message in previous years. They are now playing to the … well… it’s still the “women are really stupid” angle but it’s mainly about her enjoying time being warm and, apparently, mostly alone. I guess they caught on to how stupid the men who bought this stuff are for having bought it because they thought women were stupid.
If any of you readers buy this stuff, you need psychological help. Then you will perhaps need a new membership to a Catholic singles service.
Here’s Father Z’s best advise.
Give your woman chapel veils . If she refuses to wear them at church, lock her in the back of the cave.
Err… um… see what happens? I became stupider just writing about this stuff.
The chapel veil is still a good idea. Especially if you tell her how beautiful she is when she wears it.
Buy them lots of Mystic Monk Coffee and WDTPRS coffee mugs. Especially romantic would be the upcoming Unreconstructed Ossified Manualist coffee mug… though I admit it isn’t quite ready for mass production yet. I mean… it is ready, but I haven’t actually seen one yet.
So, do the most romantic thing possible when you get her that Unreconstructed Ossified Manualist mug: Give her an IOU for the mug! Better yet, the Unreconstructed Ossified Manualist Teddy Bear.
Look at it as anti-commercial Teddy Bear.
Remember in Star Trek how there’s anti-matter? What happens when they meet? FFFKCHPLOOOY! Get one of those and she’ll know immediately that you don’t think she is stupid or a total idiot when it comes to these commercial holidays. And a nice note along the lines of:
“I wanted to get you this thing, but it isn’t ready yet. So, it’ll be here soon. Fr. Z says its great, and it says something that means… I’m not quite sure what it means … so I’m sure you know that I don’t think you’re stupid. But… if your feeling romantic… I’m just sayin’ ….”
Then you could have a discussion about either Star Trek or about what “unreconstructed” means… or both. Or whether unreconstructed was ever used on Star Trek. Or whether Fr. Z has used the word “unreconstructed” on his blog.
What gal could resist that?
A WDTPRS mug is worth its weight in diamonds for its “potential”. Get it? Potential? After all: Nihil enim movetur nisi secundum quod est in potentia ad illud ad quod movetur. Heh heh…
Notice, men and women alike, that I didn’t put the usual Mystic Monk logo in this post?
I know how smart you are! I am affirming you.
Of course I expect to see a spike in coffee and mug sales because of this affirmation. Because you can’t be manipulated.