Practical advice for you, radical traditionalist subversive that you are, from the always helpful Babylon Bee.
13 Ways To Tell If Your Priest Is An Undercover FBI Agent
So there you are, trying to worship peacefully, and then out of nowhere a priest tackles you to the ground and arrests you for radical traditionalism because you spoke in Latin. Now you’re in Guantanamo Bay being waterboarded about where you were on January 6.
How’d you get here? You didn’t keep your eyes open for FBI priests!
Here’s how to discern that your parish is under federal control:
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- He’s wearing aviators and an earpiece with his vestments
- The new confessional booth looks a lot like a white van with FBI agents in it
- When you confess your sins from Jan 6, he talks into an earpiece and says, “We got him.”
- He says things like “Blessing upon you, fellow Catholic extremists!”
- He tells you to say five hail marys and one J. Edgar Hoover
- Your rosary has an antenna sticking out of it
- He pats you down when you enter the building
- His robes look like they may have come from Spirit Halloween
- The name “Father Burt Macklin” seems suspicious
- Says he went to seminary in Quantico, VA
- His Sunday homily is all about Trump’s Russian collusion, white supremacy, and the need to increase funding for the FBI
- The monstrance of adoration has wires coming out of it
- Prayer candles look suspiciously like microphones
If your priest is showing any of these warning signs, run!
Stay safe out there, Catholic extremists!
Don’t forget! You are all “backwardists”, too.
It was almost like a… like a signal?
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I thought the news of the FBI interest in traditional Catholicism called for a parody based on an all-too-familiar St. Louis Jesuits song: “Agents, We Know You Are Here.”
The Atlantic attacked the rosary last year.
https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/252038/the-atlantic-publishes-article-on-the-rosary-as-a-symbol-of-far-right-violent-extremism
So it was just a short step from that to leftoids in the FBI/DoJ.
One thing ya gotta give these people, they’re united! This is idiocy, but we ought to laugh at it and also take it seriously, and here’s another thing for Rep. Jim Jordan to investigate. We need lots of answers on this, and it’s shocking they are listening to the SPLC? Well no wonder. The FBI needs to be disbanded down to the lady that waters the plants. We are not supposed to fear our government. When that happens it’s all out of wack and needs a correction.
Does anyone know of any USCCB statement about this? It is deeply concerning and I don’t see any of our bishops publicly stating it is wrong. Why?
This wasn’t a mistake. This was a probe, a raid, a test.
I’m fearful now of what I would have laughed at 20 years ago, but I think in the not-too-distant future, those who take their Judeo-Christian beliefs seriously are going to be put through severe trials.
Most people think the “separation of church and state” means no national religion, no oaths to a particular creed, no clergy funded by the government. The Left thinks the separation of church and state means that religious beliefs can have no place at all in the public sphere. And they don’t believe in any limits to the scope of the state the church is to be separate from.
For them, your silly rites and superstitions may be tolerated as long as they remain private. Otherwise, you’ll have to be complicit in aborting babies, mutilating children, marrying same-sex couples and celebrating deviance. Or else.
There will be many people and many denominations who will subordinate themselves willingly to the dictates of the state, but anyone who puts God’s teachings first could be in for a whole lot of pain. If you don’t think the authorities can’t and won’t make you lose your job, take your children away, bankrupt you and worse, you may be in for a shock.
God give us strength to see us through the coming days.
@David Spaulding – I agree, but I’m not surprised. After they closed the churches and sent the faithful away because the government ordered it due to the flu, and then they closed their churches and sent the faithful away because the Pope ordered it due to unity, I highly doubt they will stand up to the FBI. Heck, at this point, if the FBI actually conduct a raid on a group of Catholics during a Latin Mass and haul the men, women, and children to jail, I’m not sure even that would elicit a response from my bishop.
I’m not happy that this is what I think of my bishop, but I’d be lying if I said anything else.
He begins the gospel, “In illo Trumpore”
The former president seems to live in their heads.
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To paraphrase a quote:
“If I am tried for being a threat because I’m a faithful Catholic, I hope they deem me a great threat!”