What Does The Prayer Really Say?
W D T P R S

A tip of the biretta o{]:¬)   to American Catholic who got this in turn from IowaHawk.

Enjoy! 

And remember!  Talk Like Shakespeare Day is coming up!

Hmmm…. I had forgotten that under that Talk Like Shakespeare entry I had written a parody of Shakespeare on the ICEL, Bp. Trautman, and "ineffable" issue.

Memories!

No… this is not about the offices of the NCR.

It is actually about a rap music song.

I have always thought that rap did for music what S&M did for romance… but I digress.

I came by a rap song by a rapper I had never heard of… which doesn’t mean much … named "Zuhlio".

Rap is sometimes about social issues.  This is about liturgical issues.

What I find odd about this is that the words were attributed to a "T. Ferguson", coincidentally the name of the official WDTPRS parodohymnodist.

UPDATE:

Readers have been asking for the lyrics.  With ZUHLIO’s permission I repost them here.  Many thanks to the lyricist, the official parodohymnist of WDTPRS, Tim Ferguson.

To the tune of Coolio’s "Gangsta’s Paradise"

(Modernist Priest): As I stroll to the altar and I bow at the waist
The choir sings banal lyrics of questionable taste
But I’ve been celebrating Mass like this for so long,
that even Eagle’s Wings sounds like a cool song
and I ain’t never worn a maniple or done an asperges
An amice or a cincture? You know I don’t wear these!
my church walls are bare now, I’ve got long hair now,
Following the rubrics? you know I don’t care!
I really hate to chant, or to genuflect,
I face the congregation, givin’ them respect, fool
I’m the kinda priest I think the kiddies wanna be like
Full of jokes, hugs and smiles,
With very little insight.



(with choir) Been saying Mass this way, though the congregation’s turning grey
Been saying Mass this way, though the congregation’s turning grey
Keep saying Mass this way, ‘til the congregation’s gone away
Keep saying Mass this way, ‘til the congregation’s gone away
 

(Traditional Priest) Here’s the situation, God you’re not facin’
Turn to the altar fool, and follow the book!
Red are the actions, the black words you read,
We’re not here to entertain, but to intercede.
You’re an educated fool, with your Kung and Bultmann
But your people wanna hear Matthew, Mark, Luke and John,
You’re an outdated hippie, folk music and sandals,
Ignorant of piety, liturgical vandal, fool
put the hashpipe down, stow the guitars away,
Can the geriatric “teen” choir and the crap that they play
It’s past the millennium, Bob Marley is gone,
Can the rainbow vestments, put a fiddleback on!

(Modernist Priest) Tell me why was I, so blind to see
That the Church just wants reverent liturgy?

(with choir) Been saying Mass that way, while the congregation went away
Been saying Mass that way, while the congregation went away
In a modernistic haze, led the congregation all astray
In a modernistic haze, led the congregation all astray

(Both priests) Sin and absolution, end all the confusion,
More Latin, less ad libbing, that’s the real solution!
Put the veil on the chalice, give the deacon a dalmatic,
Reassemble the communion rail that’s stored up in the attic,
The rubrics can be learned, there are priests out there to teach you,
Send a shout out on the internet and Fr. Z will reach you!
It’s not so hard, just read the cards,
The Missal too, and you’ll say Mass like you’re s’posed to
 
(Modernist Priest) I said Mass Bugnini’s way, but the congregation went away
I said Mass McBrien’s way, but the congregation passed away,
Now I’ve turned the eastward way, and choir chants the Kyrie,
The Sovereign Pontiff I obey, off’ring Mass the Roman way

(choir) Tell me why were we stuck in ’73?
using Broadway tunes, tinged with heresy?
Now we’re celebrating proper liturgy,
Ditching Haugen and Haas, using Pergolesi!
A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-al-le-tu-ia!

Who knows when Zuhlio will strike again?

Over at NLM there is an interesting and serious post about Latin Rite blue vestments in Spain. 

There are some good photos over there (in which they specialize). 

For example:

H.E. Jesús Esteban Catalá Ibáñez, bishop of Málaga, celebrating First Vespers in his cathedral:

Wow!

I look forward to the day when liturgical blue is approved more generally, for Marian feasts.

Until then, in most places blue shouldn’t be used even on Marian feasts, but especially as a substitute for Advent purple.

I posted the annual, inspired parody song by frequent participant T Ferguson about that…. you remember…

Sing this to the tune of O Come, O Come Emmanuel:

Sing along!  Lemme help you out.

 

 Liturgical Blue ("Veni, Veni" parody) [4:38m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

O come, o come liturgical blue;
out with the old, and in with the new.
Let’s banish purple vestments from here,
the color blue is very HOT this year.

REFRAIN:

Gaudy, gaudy, gaudy chasubles,
in baby, navy, powder-puff and teal.

Since Advent is the Blessed Virgin’s time,
we’ll wear blue, though it’s canonic crime,
and in the third week, we’ll wear white.
Although it’s wrong, we’ll say that it’s alright.

R.

Around the wreath we’ll place blue candlelight,
and in one corner, we will place one white.
We’ll drape blue over our communion rail,
and use blue burses with blue chalice veils.

R.

Yah… we can and should have a little fun with this, for all the seriousness of the role of worship in our lives.

Here is my annual rant on blue vestments for Advent (see the POLL results about that).

"But Father! But Father!", you might be saying.  "Aren’t the confused liberal dinosaurs dying off?  Aren’t blue vestments
cliché?

Yes and yes.

Nevertheless, there are still some liturgical abusers out there.  Therefore, my annual rant.

But first a poll… let’s see what’s going on.

Post comments about what you see in your parish for Advent.

Now for my rant:

Blue is not an approved liturgical color for Advent or any other time.

Sorry, I am not making this up.

Not that I have anything against blue, of course. It is simply liturgically illegal right now.

When the Holy See approves the use of blue I will happily put it on!

Instead of agitating for women priests, I wish the agitators would agitate for blue vestments… without breaking the law, of course.

Imagine! Traditional priests, deacons and subdeacons putting on blue maniples, blue dalmatics and tunics, covering chalices with blue veils and blue burses, hiding patens under blue humeral veils.  I believe some groups use blue for Marian feasts on the justification that in Spain and Spanish territories there was a special indult, etc.  I find that argument a little weak unless you actually in Spain and it is 8 December and you are using the Novus Ordo.  The Spanish bishops conference in its ordo (cf. pp. 21 & 30) lists blue as a possible color for 8 December for the Novus Ordo or in Puerto Rico, etc.   I think in the Basilica at Padua there is a permission to use blue vestments.  I suppose those of the Anglican Use do and will use blue, with permission of the Holy See because that is part of their liturgical tradition.

The point is that Advent has its color: violet/purple.  Let it be, if you want, a shade closer to blue than to red.  But it is purple.  You need a special permission to use blue.  You don’t just decide for yourself as pastor or liturgy director of St. Ipsidipsy in Tall Tree Circle because its so nice.

This whole liturgical blue issue always brings to my mind a parody song made years ago by one of our participants here, the Timothy the Parodist, now the official WDTPRS parody songwriter. 

Sing this to the tune of O Come, O Come Emmanuel:

O come, o come liturgical blue;
out with the old, and in with the new.
Let’s banish purple vestments from here,
the color blue is very HOT this year.

REFRAIN:

Gaudy, gaudy, gaudy chasubles,
in baby, navy, powder-puff and teal.

Since Advent is the Blessed Virgin’s time,
we’ll wear blue, though it’s a canonic crime,
and in the third week, we’ll wear white.
Although it’s wrong, we’ll say that it’s alright.

R.

Around the wreath we’ll place blue candlelight,
and in one corner, we will place one white.
We’ll drape blue over our communion rail,
and use blue burses with blue chalice veils.

R.

 

 

A facetious reader sent the following:

"Straight from the pages of Facebook and a group called SLAP (Survivors of Liturgical Abuse in Parishes)"

Gather Us In [...to the tune of, that is!]

Here in this place, our comfortable parish,
All of the statues carried away,
See in each face a vacuous visage,
Brought here by guilt or by R.C.I.A.

Gather us in, by Beemer or Hummer,
Gather us in, so we can feel good,
Come to us now in this barren Zen temple,
With only a shrub and an altar of wood.

We are the young, our morals a mystery,
We are the old, who couldn’t care less,
We have been warned throughout all of history,
But we enjoy this liturgical mess.

Gather us in, our radical pastor,
Gather us in, our unveiled nun,
Call to us now, with guitars and bongos,
Hang up your cellphones and join in the fun!

About this time of year I start getting questions about advent wreaths.

For example, this came from a a reader today:

Dear Fr. Zuhlsdorf,
 
Is it proper to use scented candles for the advent wreath?

Sure… if you want to deal with the smell.

I am much of a scented candles sort of guy, frankly.   But often it is hard to find unscented candles in the colors you need. 

Those colors are, as everyone ought to know, purple or violet and rose (pink in a pinch).  Some people have white or cream candle in the center for Christmas Day. 

Those are the colors that should be used and other colors are, well, just plain wrong!

"But Father!  But Father!", more than a few of you might be saying.  "You are so judgmental!  Wrong?  How can you say that!  At my parish there is always an advent wreath and the colors are blue and white!  And if they do it that way it must be right!" 

Blue… yah… liturgical blue.  This comes up every year as well.

Remember, folks, that the colors of the candles on the Advent wreath have a purpose.

If people ask you, "Why are there three purple candles and one pink on an Advent wreath?" you can give them the straight and correct answer. 

Despite the claim of some Lutherans that they developed the Advent wreath, the answer I give is, "those are the colors a Catholic priest wears when saying Mass on those Sundays."

But why pink or properly rose on the third Sunday of Advent?

Easy: rose is the color used on the fourth Sunday of Lent!

Perpend:

In Rome for centuries now there are celebrations of Mass during the great seasons of Lent/Easter and Advent/Christmas at "station" churches. In Lent, the fourth Sunday is called "Laetare" (which means in Latin pretty much what "Gaudete" means…"rejoice!"). The station Mass for "Laetare" Sunday was at the Basilica of the Holy Cross in Jerusalem not far from the Lateran Basilica (the Pope’s cathedral in Rome).

It was the custom on this day, stretching perhaps back to the time of Pope St. Gregory III (740), for the Pope to bless special roses made of gold that were to be sent to the Catholic kings, queens and notables. Thus it was called Dominica de rosa.... Sunday of the Rose.

It doesn’t take much imagination to develop rose vestments from this custom.

Soon the practice of using rose (the technical term for the color to be used is rosacea... from the Latin adjective for "made of roses") spread from that basilica to the rest of the City. As a Roman practice it became part and parcel of the Roman Missal promulgated by Pius V through the world.

The custom is coming back into vogue again, thanks be to God. Once again you see rose vestments in church goods catalogues and shops.

Perhaps your parish needs them? Many churches threw them in the dumpster after Vatican II, along with all their black, all maniples and burses of all colors, and anything that wasn’t polyester, wasn’t finger-painted, and didn’t drape.

But I digress…

Because of the parallel between Advent’s "Gaudete" and "Laetare" of Lent, the use of rose vestments spread to "Gaudete" as well. So now there are two days of the year when rose is permitted.

It is not obligatory to use rose on Gaudete or Laetare, but it is a beautiful custom.

Now for the whole blue thing. 

Blue is not an approved liturgical color for Advent or any other time.

Sorry, I am not making this up.

Not that I have anything against blue, of course. It is simply liturgically illegal right now.

When the Holy See approves the use of blue I will happily put it on!

Instead of agitating for women priests, I wish the agitators would agitate for blue vestments… without breaking the law, of course.

Imagine! Traditional priests, deacons and subdeacons putting on blue maniples, blue dalmatics and tunics, covering chalices with blue veils and blue burses, hiding patens under blue humeral veils.  I believe some traditional groups use blue anyway, even now, on the rather thin excuse, IMO, that in Spain and Spanish territories there was, a zillion years ago, a special indult, etc. etc.  I find that argument a little weak.  But… I guess there are far more serious things to worry about.

This whole liturgical blue issue always brings to my ming a parody song made years ago by one of our participants here, the Timothy the Parodist, now the official WDTPRS parody songwriter. 

Sing this to the tune of O Come, O Come Emmanuel:

O come, o come liturgical blue;
out with the old, and in with the new.
Let’s banish purple vestments from here,
the color blue is very HOT this year.

REFRAIN:

Gaudy, gaudy, gaudy chasubles,
in baby, navy, powderpuff and teal.

Since Advent is the Blessed Virgin’s time,
we’ll wear blue, though it’s a canonic crime,
and in the third week, we’ll wear white.
Although it’s wrong, we’ll say that it’s alright.

R.

Around the wreath we’ll place blue candlelight,
and in one corner, we will place one white.
We’ll drape blue over our communion rail,
and use blue burses with blue chalice veils.

R.

 

Just when the Catholic Cathedral in Cardiff hits the LMS from the blind side, over in Winchester, at the Anglican Cathedral, something very different is happening.

I got this e-mail from a kind reader:

It is reported that this is how the forthcoming Mass at Winchester Cathedral on Saturday 21st June
at 11 a.m. came about:
 
It seems that some Anglican members of the Choir at Winchester Cathedral are particularly interested in the liturgy and they wanted to have a Mass in thanksgiving for the Motu Proprio. One is an acquaintance of the people who organise Masses for the Latin Mass Society in Canterbury Cathedral.  [Did you get that?  Anglicans are thankful for Summo[]rum Pontificum and want to celebrate it.]

The Dean and Chapter were all in favour and agreed.  So the Cathedral Choir will be singing a Polyphonic Mass with Gregorian Chant. Bishop Hollis was consulted and apparently agreed to the plan as long as it was a one-off.  [Bp. Hollis of Portsmouth is definitely not known as a strong conservative, but my friends in the Portsmouth diocese tell me that even before Summorum Pontificum he never said no to celebrations of the older form of Mass. ] The Celebrant is the former Abbot of Belmont, the Rev Dr laurence Hemming from London will be Deacon and a priest from Marlborough will be Sub Deacon.

This is what I call true ecumenical dialogue!
 

I got a question from a reader.  Perhaps you can chime in with answers.

I believe he is talking about the Novus Ordo.

Should the congregation STAND or SIT for the singing of the Sequence on Easter and Pentecost? At my church the cantor asked for people to remain seated for the Sequence. One of the priests said that was wrong, that the congregation should stand. Which is Correct?

I’ll let you readers get into this.

In the meantime, perhaps our WDTPRS parody song writer can come up with the answer… musically. 

"Should I stand or should I sit", might be just as good a title for someone going to the "Tridentine" Mass for the first time!

Tonight all across the world people will, alas, take note that some priests and bishop have decided to wash the feet of women during the Holy Thursday Mass. 

They do this even though they shouldn’t and, probably, know they shouldn’t.

Pretty frustrating, isn’t it?

And in those times when we are irritated by such disrespect what do traditional, conservative Catholics do? 

They write parody songs, of course!

The official WDTPRS parodohymnologist, Tim Ferguson, has sent me this:

A Holy Thursday Reflection on “Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree” by Lew Brown, Sam Stept and Charles Tobias.
(Imagine Ray Eberle and the Modernaires singing this…)

Don’t go washing those women’s feet; the Latin is plain to me:
“selecti” should be “viri.” The rubrics are clear you see. No, no, no,
Don’t go washing those women’s feet at Thursday night’s liturgy,
Thus says the Pope of Rome.

Don’t go altering rubrics now, no matter who you may be,
Or where you got your degree in Scripture and Liturgy. No, no, no,
Don’t go altering rubrics now, this calls for humility:
You’re not the Pope of Rome. 

I just got word that Ranjith has heard,
‘n put the Vicar in a jam,
Seems some priest here, washing feet last year,
Scrubbed a nylon-covered gam.
So, don’t go washing those women’s feet at Thursday night’s liturgy,
Or feel the wrath of Rome.

There… isn’t that better?

Has anyone else noticed that it seems only serious, traditionally minded Catholics tend to have a good sense of humor?  I guess this comes from the fact that when you are right you can’t be wrong.  That gives us the security to be funny.

 

But, getting back to business… I am feeling that old anger rise up inside again, .... and I need an outlet.

And what better outlet than …. another song!

From the Musical: Fiddler on the Apse
(a parody of Matchmaker, Matchmaker, from Fiddler on the Roof)

Yenta: Modernist Liturgist,
Please wash my feet,
I’m not wearing sox,
And I’ll be discrete,
Inculturate the American Way,
And please wash my feet Thursday….

Fr. Lovebeads: I am the Liturgist,
Take off your shoes!
Women and men,
There’s no need to choose!
“Viri selecti,” is just not too clear,
I’ll wash all your feet this year…

Fr. Lovebeads: For me now,
It signals inclusion!

Yenta: For me now,
It’s my chance to shine! 

Congregation: For us, well,
It doesn’t matter,
As long as we’re leaving for home by nine! 

Congregation: Modernist Liturgist,
Give us a break!
Follow the red words
For pity’s sake.
Mass after Mass we feel under attack,
Please, just say the words in black!

The Official WDTPRS Parody Song Writer, the esteemed Tim Ferguson has been at it again.

As he put it,

“I ruminated a bit more … and came to the realization that, while “La Donna e Mobile” might be readily appreciated and understood by those with an interest in the motu proprio, there’s also a need to reach out to those who might not be so appreciative and who, in general, tend to have different musical tastes.”

He continues….

So, reaching back to the halcyon days of folk music and came up with a version of the Pete Seeger classic (made famous by the Byrds in 1965) :

Go to the altar (turn, turn, turn)
look to the East now, (turn, turn, turn)
there’s a time for every Mass now, if it’s valid.
The time for banjos and dancing is gone,
dust off the censer, and toss out the bong.
No need for hugging, we all get along
let’s keep our focus together, on Jesus.

Page through the Missal (turn, turn, turn)
remember the rubrics (turn, turn, turn)
there’s a time and a purpose for those words there Pure,
humble rev’rence is what we now lack,
just do the red words and say those in black.
When we say High Mass, there’s no need for crack,
just let your deacon and subdeacon guide you.

Now weed your library, (turn, turn, turn)
use some discernment (turn, turn, turn)
it is time now to brush up on your Latin.
Farewell to Vosko, McBrien, Hans Keung,
deep down you knew that they just peddled deung,
the 60’s are old and the Church is still young
what still subsists is a thing of great beauty.