OLDIE: Litany for the Conversion of Internet Thugs 2.0

Under another entry a reader reminded me of my own Litany for the Conversion of Internet Thugs.  Here it is again, animi caussa.

A wry work in progress.

Litany for the conversion of internet thugs (2.0).
(For private use only, when truly irritated and when the alternative is foul language.)

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, graciously hear us.
God, the Father of Heaven, have mercy on us.
God, the Son, Redeemer of the World, have mercy on us.
God, the Holy Ghost, have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God, have mercy on us.

Lest internet thugs be eternally tormented by all the fiends of hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they pass eternity in utter despair, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they come to be damned for the harm they cause, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they roast forever in the deepest cinders of hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they suffer the unceasing pain of loss, convert them, O Lord.

Lest devils endlessly increase their physical agony, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils twist their bowels and boil their blood in hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils use them as toys and tools, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils forever gnaw upon their skulls, convert them, O Lord.

Lest the innocent be harmed by the sins of thugs, convert them, O Lord.
Lest the innocent yield to thugs in weakness, convert them, O Lord.
Lest the innocent be drawn into thuggish traps, convert them, O Lord.

From faceless Facebook admin drones, spare us O Lord.
From tweeting Twitter idiots, spare us O Lord.
From loony Wikipedia liars, spare us O Lord.
From from heart-hardened spammers, spare us O Lord.
From liberal nut-case smear-blogging hacks, spare us O Lord.
From thread-dominating combox trolls, spare us, O Lord.
From sophomoric drive-by commentators, spare us, O Lord.

From server memory resource difficulties, spare us O Lord.
From rss feed problems, spare us O Lord.
From DOS attacks, spare us O Lord.
From power outages and surges, spare us O Lord.
From viruses, trojan horses, and all manner of snares, Lord save us.
From wasting our time, Lord save us.
From our own stupidity, Lord save us.

St. Michael, defend us.
St. Gabriel, defend us.
Holy Guardian Angels, defend us.
St. Isidore of Seville, defend us.
St. Francis de Sales, defend us.
St. Maximilian Kolbe, defend us.
All ye angels and saints….. GRRRRR.

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, graciously hear us, O Lord,
Lamb of God who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V. Christ, Jesus who died for our sins.
R. Please return, and return swiftly.

Let us pray.
Almighty and merciful God,
who according to Thy ineffable plan
hast called us into existence to do Thy will
amid the vicissitudes and contagion of this world
grant, we beseech Thee,
both protection for Thy servants who use the tools of this digital age
and confusion for evil-doers who abuse their neighbors and Thy gifts.
Through Christ our Lord.   Amen.

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About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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10 Responses to OLDIE: Litany for the Conversion of Internet Thugs 2.0

  1. Supertradmum says:

    From the inventors of Chrome the frequent-crashed, Lord deliver us

  2. APX says:

    From provincial-wide government database outages lasting several days, Lord deliver us.

  3. kelleyb says:

    All ye angels and saints….. GRRRRR.
    Thank you

  4. Darren says:

    From our stupidity, from our stupidity, from our most grievous stupidity…

    they strike their mouse

    Save us O Lord…

  5. Scarltherr says:

    From the immodest images in advertising as we surf, Lord graciously deliver us.

  6. PostCatholic says:

    From a spirituality of resentment and anger….
    From false dichotomies…
    From our own obstinacy…

    I’ll leave it there. I don’t think you’re wise to run fences around people so strongly. There are two types of people in the world: those who divide people of the world into two types, and those who do not.

  7. Supertradmum says:

    Post-Catholic,

    May I quote God, “Do not think that I have come to send peace upon the earth: I have not come to send peace, but a sword.” Matthew 10:34 and crossed-referenced by Luke 12:51, “Think ye, that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, no; but separation.” And, just to emphasize, the Holy Spirit inspired John to write in Revelation 6:4 “And there went out another horse that was red: and to him that sat thereon, it was given that he should take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another, and a great sword was given to him.” Not to mention the several sheep and goats passages. And the ones about family member being against family members., following the Matthew pericope and Luke pericope above. “For I came to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.”

  8. PostCatholic says:

    No, but you may quote Matthew, Luke, and John the Divine.

  9. Darren says:

    But, by quoting Matthew, Luke and John, and the rest… you ARE quoting God, for the Holy Spirit is the author, the evangelists and others are just the living pens.

  10. PostCatholic says:

    I don’t subscribe to that opinion; it is an extraordinary claim without extraordinary proof. I understand that you might.