Fr. Z's Blog

From a reader…

QUAERITUR:

I was recently in a discussion with other Catholics about the following scenario, and we weren’t able to come to an agreement, or find an answer online: would it be possible for a man and a woman to validly marry each other if one or both of them were exclusively same-sex attracted, and both parties were aware of this fact? Or would this case fall under the impediment of impotence (C.I.C. can. 1084)?

“DANGER WILL ROBINSON!  DANGER!”

Questions like this are difficult.  I consulted.   I’m redrafting my findings.  I’m afraid I cannot be exhaustive.  Here are some considerations.

There is an inherent danger in trying to craft an answer for a hypothetical marriage situation. Each situation has its own complex particularities.

Impotence (can. 1084) is a specific issue with two aspects that must be considered: 1) the ability of the person to engage in the marital act in general, and 2) the ability of the person to engage in the marital act with a specific person.

Without getting too crass, Titius might be physical capable of sex, but Titius might not be capable of the sex with Sempronia. There could be physical or psychological reasons for that. Impotence, either general or specific, could possibly invalidate a marriage if it is present at the time of consent and unable to be “resolved” in a normal fashion.

I’m informed that most marriage cases in which the question of homosexuality arises, are treated under can. 1095, indeed usually can. 1095, 3, which treats an incapacity for marriage due to a grave psychological condition. Someone who is exclusively same-sex attracted might be incapable of marriage, but there are questions that need to be asked first.

On 1 October 1986, the CDF under the great Card. Ratzinger, issued a pastoral letter to the bishops on the pastoral care of homosexual persons.  It is an exceptional document. Re-reading it makes one long for the days when the dicasteries of the Holy See issued documents that provided wise pastoral guidance for those in the trenches.

In one paragraphs in the document, in section 16, we read,

“The human person, made in the image and likeness of God, can hardly be adequately described by a reductionist reference to his or her sexual orientation. Everyone living on the face of the earth has personal problems and difficulties, but challenges to growth, strengths, talents, and gifts as well. Today, the Church provides a badly needed context for the case of the human person when she refuses to consider the person solely as a ‘heterosexual’ or a ‘homosexual’ and insists that every person has a fundamental identity: the creature of God, and by grace, His child and heir to eternal life.”

This is one reason why the Church should not have specific “ministries” or liturgical celebrations for one societal category: they reduce people to one mere aspect of his person.

Among the characteristics we have there are some that are immutable. For example, I am Caucasian, I am a male, etc., in spite of what director Christopher Nolan might make of me. Then there are characteristics that are deeply ingrained in me: I am right-handed although with persistence, I could probably write with my left hand… after  fashion, not that my writing with the right hand is any good any more. Then there are shifting behavioral characteristics: I like Roman baroque music, I tend to be a night owl, I don’t like Canadian whiskey.  But tastes can change over time.

In a specific marriage case, we’d have to dig a bit to figure our where our subject’s same sex attraction falls. To some, it may seem immutable. That’s certainly what society and certain Jesuits want us to believe now. “They’re made that way!” For some, it may be simply behavioral. “It was just a phase.” For some the disordered impulse could fall in the middle category of a fairly solidly ingrained characteristic and even then there’s a range of how deeply ingrained it is.

If Titius struggles with a same-sex attraction, but wants to marry Sempronia, then some things need to be addressed at the pastoral level. First of all, is Sempronia aware of all this? Secondly, does Titius think that he would be capable of engaging in healthy and normal intimate relations with Sempronia, and not just “I’m going to grit my teeth and think of England”, but all that goes with a life of real, physical intimacy. It can’t be a matter of just suppressing his feelings, but it should be real, oblative (sacrificial) love and affection for his intended spouse.

On top of all this, we should avoid the trap our age, sloppy notions of “luv”, etc.  We are human beings, not animals.  Though there are impulses and even at certain ages hormones which push us here or there, love in marriage is an act of will, a choice especially to help your spouse get to Heaven.   The good of the other must be up front.