From the always amusing Eye Of The Tiber:
Liturgical Dancer Tests Positive For Performing-Enhancing Drugs
It is being reported this morning that world-renowned liturgical dancer Doris Griffin has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. A USCCB spokesman said that trace amounts of an illegal substance were found in Griffin’s blood early Monday morning. This comes just days after reports that Griffin’s trainer, Jake Stately, admitted that he had not only injected Griffin before “numerous Masses,” but that he also had one of the syringes used on the 56-year-old dancer.
Griffin, who is best known for her treatise on liturgical dancing, The Art Of Body Worship, And So Can You, told Eye of the Tiber that the drug found in her system may have been the result of an over-the-counter weight loss medicine that she had recently started taking. Meanwhile, friends of Griffin have come to her defense saying that, though she had recently been under a grueling schedule, that the liturgical dancing phenomena would never resort to injecting. “The Lord has just blessed her body with such a rhythm…such an ability to properly express the proper flow of worship as to ever need any drugs,” a friend of Griffin said.
The USCCB Commission for Mass Doping, meanwhile, say that they will be suspending Griffin from participating in all Masses where dancing is involved until they have concluded their investigation. “For the time being, Ms. Griffin will only have access to the Tridentine Low Mass.”
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Straight from The Onion.
“Ms. Griffin will only have access to the Tridentine Low Mass.”
Would that we were all so lucky…
Very funny!
Haha! 56 y/o dancers? Gosh, luckily we have classical ballet dancing where the dancers retire from the stage at 40-42.
Doping indeed!
Vexilla,
My mom is still dancing (in character parts) at age 86, and Martha Graham was still hobbling out on stage at 92 or so . . . .
Of course, mom is very good at what she does. That’s why she has NEVER felt the need to dance in church!
At 57, I still occasionally stand up to dance on the platform at the Highland Games . . . and at a luncheon after a funeral two weeks ago they had a piper, who played dance music, so . . .
But never, never in church.
@AAM: That’s impressive! Yes, artists, of any kind, who are really good and have a proper training, also know their limits and have the good taste of never ever thinking of dancing in a church :-) The reason why ballerinas retire early, is not necessarily that they dance less good, but that they start having psysical problems due to the long and hard training and performances several nights a week, and need the rest. I love ballet, but I it’s not my area of expertise, the organ and singing are. I’m glad that you didn’t take offence to my post, I just detest “liturgical” dance, and I think we are on the same page here :-)
Give your cat a pat from me, BTW!
offense, of course, it’s getting late here…
Offence – – I just figured you were being British. :-)
Mom’s a contemporary dancer, I was trained in contemporary dance, but went sideways into competitive Highland Dancing. You’re ‘washed up’ in that field at about age 18 (it’s kind of like gymnastics in tartan), so I went sideways again into Scottish Country Dancing, which you can do as long as you can put one foot in front of the other (although a reasonable level of competence is required for demo team, for example).
Ballet dancers and contemporary dancers tend to have different areas of injury – with ballet it’s almost always the feet and lower legs (particularly the feet in female dancers because of the *#$$! pointe shoes), with contemporary it’s mostly neck and back with some knees. It has to do with where the greatest stress is located. But both disciplines are VERY hard on the body. Mom has a collection of serious orthopedic injuries – I do too, but they’re all due to horseback riding instead (which is a different area of ‘concentration’, mostly knees and collarbones).
My cat meows ‘thank you’. My dogs are jealous. :-)
“… an over-the-counter weight loss medicine that she had recently started taking.”
Oh, now I have to go to confession again … sigh …
You’d have to be on drugs to do liturgical dance!!
AAM: I must have a closer look at Highland dancing and Scottish Country d. on Youtube. A long time ago I tried on a pair of pointe shoes. They were easy to dance in for five minutes or so, but if you ” jump around” in them for years — ouch! I prefer my comfy ( American) Organ Master Shoes – for dancing on the pedals. :-)
Oh, and make doggie happy too ;-)
AAM: My response went to moderation, but please give your dogs (plural!) pats from me! (And the cat some more when the doggies don’t see.)
As a member of WADA I shared this with my compatriots, not all of whom are Catholics, much less Christian. To a person all of them thought it was hilarious as did the anti-liturgical dance cadre at the Boise diocese.
Joke right? Please, I’m barely over those hideous giant paper mache’ puppets and the dancing around them…