Catholics… HA! Pathetic!

From Catholic Vote with my emphases:

CATHOLIC CHURCH FAILS TO BEHEAD A SINGLE PERSON IN 2014

For the most intolerant and extreme religion in the world, this is a rather embarrassing statistic.

It appears that the Catholic Church, widely recognized as the most uncompromising and dogmatic among the world’s major religions, is about to close out the year without executing a single person. [Pretty feeble, I’d say.]

As everyone knows, the Catholic Church is a religion of strict doctrine, ruling every aspect of each individual Catholic’s life from the Vatican with an iron fist, while at the same time relentlessly imposing its beliefs on the rest of society.

Yet for some reason the Catholic Church has had an abysmal year at the chopping block, failing to kill a single one of its billion-plus members for failing to live in strict adherence to her teachings.  [!] On top of that, the Vatican has put to death exactly zero people from other religions for refusing to convert to Catholicism.

Even some followers of Islam, universally known as a religion of peace and tolerance, have found time on the weekends to behead a few non-believers.  And yet the Catholic Church, far from resembling anything having to do with peace or tolerance, has taken incompetence to a whole new level when it comes to imposing its beliefs.

Sure, 2015 is a new year and all, but let’s face it.  When it comes to intolerance, we’re pathetic.

I guess we had better revive the auto-da-fé and do some catching up.

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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16 Responses to Catholics… HA! Pathetic!

  1. JARay says:

    I am noticing quite a number of Catholic blogs springing up which use understatement, humour and downright sarcasm in getting their messages across. I will not name them because I made the mistake of forwarding one particular blog to someone I know and I received a very curt notice telling me to desist and asking me never to contact that person again! It appears that blogs like that are not appreciated by some, whereas I actually like them and enjoy my chuckle at what they post…and I get the point of what they are actually saying.

  2. Someone please be the Garrigue says:

    It’s those ‘alberds. Very difficult to aim with those long ‘andles.

  3. Kathleen10 says:

    Yes on that score we’re woefully behind, but the church is way ahead on giving it’s members agita.

  4. I think it all started going downhill when Cardinal Ximinez recruited Cardinal Biggles and Cardinal Fang to accompany him on his mission; they set a standard of incompetence that has ruined things ever since.

  5. Baritone says:

    The world loves its own, and the humanists, Muslims, and members of all other false religions are of the world. We are not of the world but of Christ. Therefore the world hates us. Logic is irrelevant. To the media, Islam is the “religion of peace” while we Catholics are intolerant. We are of Christ, therefore we are the enemy.

    The media of today, had they been present, would have found any excuse to clamor for the release of Barabbas and condemn Christ. They would have hailed King Herod as a philanthropist concerned with overpopulation; King Herod Agrippa as an advocate for broken families; Emperor Nero as an advocate for “marriage equality”; and King Henry VIII as an advocate for Communion for the divorced and remarried.

  6. Baritone says:

    Should be Herod Antipas in the above comment rather than Herod Agrippa.

  7. JustaSinner says:

    That’s it…I’m calling in the Spanish Inquisition! First, the comfy chair….then the fuzzy pillow, and finally the kitchen rack! Because no one expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!

  8. Mariana2 says:

    guans,

    Thanks!

    But let’s not give up hope. Maybe there is a secret chamber in Castel Sant’ Angelo where the, for the time being underground, Inquistion receive training in ‘andling the ‘alberds. After all, Nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition, maybe they will pop up again and put things to right.

  9. Does andling the alberds have anything to do with ashtags, like the nice lady in the Pontifical Council video told us?

  10. jeffreyquick says:

    I’d had high hopes for that FEMEN Jesus-thief, but they let her go.
    And some nuns have too many busses and not enough autos (-da-fe)

  11. Supertradmum says:

    The Knights of Malta under Cardinal Burke should go back to their roots in both tending to the wounded and fighting.

  12. oldCatholigirl says:

    Also, thanks guans.

    The CatholicVote people forgot to mention the fact that fruitcake would be a viable option for stoning heretics, in a pinch. However, they also forgot to mention that fruitcake has bourbon on (not in) it–at least the kind I make does. And even fruitcake-haters have been known to convert when they taste it.:)

  13. Ferde Rombola says:

    I just asked my wife to enter a calendar note for October 1, 2015: “Start Fruitcake.”

  14. Someone please be the Garrigue says:

    Why limit ourselves to heads?

    You want your contraception? Yes, you can have your contraception. Just step up to this bench, sir. *chop, chop* There you go, have fun, sir. The side effects would also help to speed up any future annulment process.

    Not to mention the sheer hilarity of “Shine, Jesus, Shine” type hymns being sung in Pinky and Perky voices.

  15. texsain says:

    Don’t you know that in the 70’s, following Roe v. Wade, the Catholic Church formally abandoned beheadings and instead took upon faking alien abductions so as to forcibly impregnate women and force them to have babies?