March 8, 2023
Dear Diary,
Dozer has new fundraiser in his diocese called the “Catholic New Era Fund.” It’s an older low-key nonprofit setup that used to be called the “Bishop’s Fund”. People stopped giving. So Doze removed the word “bishop”. tweaked it a bit, and the dear old ladies in the pews starred donating again. Everyone’s happy. He still gets all the money, though, for his pet projects. He really cleaned up from the eight parishes he “alienated”. “Alienate” my hindquarters! Prime real estate. He also sold the air rights over one of the inner-city parishes for a heap of cash. His new cufflinks nearly blinded me. Wasn’t there a Bling Bishop somewhere? Note: ask Tommy. This has potential. I’d like like to get that soup kitchen thing going finally. And that Murano is calling.
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Are there any entries in the bishop’s diary that pertain to evangelization? Teaching or leading the faithful? No? That proves it is authentic!
I wonder how many parishioners send their money to the Diocese of Black Duck…. the good buttery bishop might care to know.
That Dozer is a clever guy. Hell was doing major public works and paved a few superhighways from the end of the Second World War to the present day. Not mentioning a bishop is a smart strategy on this side of the sod. I know this for a fact–we Protestants are in league with the devil, you undoubtedly know.
You know what’s a good revenue stream for parishes today? Cell towers.
The mobile providers approach the pastor and go “hey, can we erect a fake tree on your grounds and have exclusive access to it and we’ll rent it for a pittance?”
Imagine the smut that goes over those airwaves. Imagine if parishes in medieval France just let any heretic pay them $5 to climb the bell tower and shout/sing/scream/pray whatever they want from the campanile? “Hey, does your carrillon play the NBC jingle? What about Doritos?”