From “The Private Diary of Bishop F. Atticus McButterpants” – 26-10-06 – Chester And Bp. Dozer

October 6th 2026

Dear Diary,

Dozer* stayed last night. He came over on his day off.  We grilled steaks and had drinks while Fr. Gilbert went to Razzo’s for some necessarities, like lasagna and a cheesecake. Earlier in the day, I had tried to shut Chester out.  Gilbert walked him with instructions to leave him in the garage.  He escaped.  Sr. Randi tried too.  No joy.  I don’t know how he does it.  So, Chester wound up watching Dozer eat from across the room.  You could feel his eyes.  It wasn’t until about the third highball that D relaxed a bit.

Later Dozer a little shaken called me over to the guest suite.  Chester was stretched across the bed. He ignored commands, treats, threats. D took the room across the hall.  At 3 he woke to find Chester standing beside his bed, staring at him, so he spent the rest of the night asleep in the chapel with Chester outside the door.  He left before breakfast. Said he isn’t coming back until he can take C to the vet himself for the final visit.

At breakfast Fr. Gilbert gave him the remaining cheesecake.  I don’t think Gilbert likes Dozer.  Is that how Chester kept getting back?   Then he told me the Nuncio wants my observations about that thing. Damn. Now I have to write to him.  I hate this.

*Bishop Antuninu “Dozer” Ruspa is the Bishop of neighboring Pie Town and Fatty’s best friend from their seminary days. His nickname reflects his unfortunate enthusiasm for closing churches and selling their architectural contents. Chester, Bp. Fatty’s loathsome and somewhat deformed dog, hates Dozer.  There was an early encounter ending with Dozer in an embarrassing emergency room visit after Chester bit him very high up on the inside of a leg. During a later visit, Chester escaped confinement, seized one of Dozer’s shoes and reduced it to something resembling the output of a woodchipper. Relations have not improved.