BREAKING Card. Burke NEWS!

In the wake of other news about Card. Burke….

From the often amusing Eye of the Tiber:

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has named Cardinal Raymond Burke to be the first prefect of the Congregation of Janitorial Services.

Francis’ decision to choose the staunch conservative to head the new department is a sign to many that Francis does see a role for Burke in his pontificate, despite disagreements the two have had in the past.

Several sources in the Vatican say that Francis chose Cardinal Burke because he is known to work well “cleaning up messes.”

“His Holiness is well aware of Burke’s obsession with cleaning things up,” said Vatican advisor Monsignor Leonardo Valdes. “[Pope Francis] is well aware that Burke has OCD [a staff of Carmelites?  Perhaps there is a new line of mops or brooms? “Carmelite Mops!  For The Filth!”] when it comes to filth, and would like to see him channel some of that energy in a different direction. Perhaps if Burke can focus more of his energy on making sure all the garbage cans are cleaned out every night and so on, he might finally be able to overlook some of the liturgical and moral messes.”  [He can multitask.]

The new Vatican office will have the responsibility for the promotion of clean work spaces for the curia and those working inside the walls of the Vatican, so that their mission to promote peace and to help proclaim the love of Christ will be easier to accomplish.

This could be a supplement or compliment to the Sacred Congregation that We shall found soon after Our elevation to the See of Peter.   We shall swiftly found the Sacred Congregation For The Dusting Of The Holy Door.  We shall assign quite a few prelates to this congregation from many places around the globe.  This congregation shall have a daily session of members at the major basilicas of Rome.  There will be a procession to the Holy Door, singing of the office, and dusting of the Door to the antiphon, Memento homo quia pulvis es….  

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About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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14 Responses to BREAKING Card. Burke NEWS!

  1. gatormom says:

    Are they spoofing you, Father Z?

  2. Chris Garton-Zavesky says:

    I am so very pleased that places such as the Eye of the Tiber exist: they allow us to laugh in a time and place when crying seems so much the order of the day.

  3. mepoindexter says:

    As humorous as the thought of “Cardinal Burke getting shipped off to Guam” is, he’s probably the most qualified person to handle the situation that’s going on down there. Which isn’t very funny actually. In fact its quite horrible.

  4. gatormom says:

    Was he the most qualified person to handle the situation going on in SMOM?

  5. ChgoCatholic says:

    He’ll be in Virginia speaking next month. Wish we could attend!

  6. Deacon Ed Peitler says:

    Can you say where he will be speaking?

  7. Malta says:

    It is beautiful Cardinal Burke will be in charge of dusting the doors; and I’m sure he could he could be in charge of the Swiss guards with respect to the safety of the Vatican’s lavatories.

  8. Malta says:

    Of course that is all a joke. I have the greatest respect for Cardinal Burke.

  9. RichR says:

    There will be a procession to the Holy Door, singing of the office, and dusting of the Door to the antiphon, Memento homo quia pulvis es….

    Thanks for the good laugh, Fr

  10. hwriggles4 says:

    I read the news yesterday from the AP wire about this good Cardinal being sent to Guam. Here’s what the AP wire failed to mention:

    1. This is not a permanent assignment for the good Cardinal
    2. Cardinal Burke is also a Canon Lawyer
    3. The Vatican appointed Bishop Byrnes, a former Detroit auxiliary, as a coadjutor for Guam in November 2016. The current Archbishop is in serious trouble, and is suspended pending the investigation of child abuse.

    Burke will definitely get to the bottom of this, and investigate the facts. The fact a coadjutor was appointed recently (and is physically on Guam soil), shows that the Vatican is taking this matter very seriously, and that should be commended.

    I heard Burke speak last month at a fundraiser for a crisis pregnancy center in Texas, and he is a straight shooter. The Church needs more bishops, priests, and deacons with his tenacity, zeal, and manliness.

  11. Chris Garton-Zavesky says:

    Something else which is sure, if the good Cardinal is involved. There will not be a rush to judgment (either pro or con); there will be a methodical protection of the due process rights of all concerned, but the process will not “drag on”.

    If I were the accused bishop, I would be glad that Cardinal Burke was on his way. He reminds me of Sir Thomas More.

  12. OldLady says:

    Would backfire anyway as the least will be first! Will gladly bring my garbage can to Cardinal Burke.

  13. timrohr47 says:

    Just a note from Guam. Cardinal Burke was here less than 48 hours. Unfortunately, he did not get to hear from the one alleged victim that lives here on Guam. The alleged victim’s attorney would not let his client testify without his being present.