From “The Private Diary of Bishop F. Atticus McButterpants” – 23-06-12 – Going to the bishops meeting

June 12th, 2023

Dear Diary,

Off to Orlando for the bishops’ meeting soon. It’s like heading into a sauna. At least that’s how I remember Florida. Whew. Squeezing into an airplane seat even first class. It’s just not much fun any more.

I’m taking Fr. Gilbert, so he can drive me around.  I remember ordaining him on a really muggy day and the kid didn’t break a sweat. Just grinned. Super annoying! I’m sure he’ll be all calm and cool in Orlando. He can drive, and I’ll crank up the air.   Crank down?  There are good restaurants in O I remember when Jenny* and her kids took me with them ages ago. There’s a good one at the animal world place. Can’t get on the rides at the parks so might as well tuck in to a good steak – I always think of surf n turf at zoos – and cocktails with little umbrellas.

Haven’t looked at the TON of meeting stuff from DC yet.  So much paper.  What about the planet?  HA!  Blah blah on immigration, ongoing formation for clergy, health care issues, sin-odd, as Vice calls it.  Still don’t know. I figure if I keep everyone happy that’s half the battle.   No one talked about sin-odds before, much anyway.  Now they don’t shut up.

Gotta pack.  I hate this part.

I wonder how with Fr. Gilbert and Fr. Tommy out of town Sr. Randi will manage with Chester.  She’s on her own now in that apartment now that the last two old gals passed away.   She be alone with Chester.  Ha!  There outta be some good stories when I get back.  Or lawsuits.   Nah, she wouldn’t do that.  Her superior, that’s another matter.  I should get Sr something nice from the airport shop.

It’ll be good to catch up with some of the bishops, friends that is.  It’s good to get together for the regional things with the guys, but this is different.

And the Nuncio will be there.  Gotta keep my head on a stick swivil and watch my blind spot.

Dear Diary,

Update.  I had a disturbing call from Jude.  He wants to talk to me in O about an ex-priest of ours.  What that could be about I don’t know but it sounds like work.  He said he’d buy supper at Charley’s Steakhouse so, I guess we’re meeting up.  “Absolutely no Dozer!”, he said.  He knows me too well.

*Fatty’s sister.