27 May 2024
Dear Diary,
Like last year, I preached at ST*. After all, I’m the bishop, right? I used some of the same ideas as last year, and the year before that and the year before that going all the way back. So long ago, now. Seems forever ago and also like yesterday. Anyway, since I never really got the Trinity back in seminary classes I use some of oldies but goodies cause that’s what people like. People do, and so does Fr. Gilbert but Fr. Tommy goes out of his mind. Last year he went after me for the whole Trinity is like water idea.** At first, I thought he was saying that that was heresay but he was saying herisy, which I guess is not such a good idea, at least in the cathedral. Anyway, I’m waiting to hear what Tommy has to say for the new one, about the egg.*** HA… also, we can have eggs different ways, too! No, maybe that doesn’t work cause I can think of about a dozen ways for eggs. Gilbert had a good one maybe for next year. I didn’t get it at first, since my math isn’t that great. God is not like 1+1+1 since that means different pieces add up to God, which is now that I think of it, kinda like the egg one. Anyway, Gilbert said its more like 1x1x1 which he says is still just 1.**** I told Dozer that one when he called to invite me over to Pie Town for a Memorial Day party with some of their priests. He said that I finally got it! Good ol’ Dozer. Like he knows. Chester knows more about the Trinity than he does.
Tired. It’s confirmation season so I have to keep my energy in reserve. It’ll help to have extra helpings. Isn’t that why they are called helpings? Fr Tommy always rolls his eyes when I say that. He’ll be driving this week since Gilbert is going on a pilgrimage with STers to Ireland or Mexico, one of those places. I’ll check. Food’s gotta be better in Mexico. Speaking of food, I hope there’s steaks tomorrow. Dozer said I should stay over, so that means lotsa chow. Got keep this short. Long drive so morning comes early, like maybe even 9.
___
Editor’s Note:
*The Libville Cathedral is called “Spirit and Truth” Cathedral. It is really St. Telesphorus. They didn’t want Telesphorus after he was removed from the calendar in 1970 so they called it “Spirit and Truth” because +Fatty’s predecessor wanted the cathedral rectory’s engraved silverware and placesettings to have the same initials, ST for Saint Telephrous.
**Modalism: the Trinity is like water, which can be fluid, steam or frozen.
***Partialism, the heresy that God is made up of different components, together making one God when together.
****Wrong again. That would mean that only one Diving Person multiplied Himself, when in fact all Three Persons were distinct in eternity, without beginning.
I so love Bishop McFattypants. He really is a naive character, but lovable.
He is lazy, loves food, especially when there is lots of it. Doesn’t know or remember his seminary teachings. He thinks that everything new is good and the old ways are….well the old ways. He seriously reminds me of Clergy I have met over the years. Kinda scary.
The good bishop is an excellent proof of the “Peter Principle,” albeit a fictional one.
However, as I commented after his last diary entry, he seems to be headed toward a period of deep discernment of his role as a Priest of God and Apostolic Successor in these trying days. Yes, he is lazy and often seems to live in a spiritual and temporal haze. But, in the words of Tom Paine, +Bishop F. Atticus McButterpants is close to deciding if he is a “sunshine patriot and summer soldier” or if he will return to the Church Militant as a Defender of the Faith and loving Shepherd of his flock.
Hey, but that’s just my own perspective!
Remember that authors and diarists usually write what they wish to write.
+Atticus is like the Archbishop played by Christopher Plummer in the movie “Possessed”, on You Tube, set in St. Louis and based on the true story of the Blatty movie, Exorcist. The Archbishop does not want to allow this because Catholics in America are coming of age, a new young Senator Kennedy just had a wedding and will run for President. We need to let go of our old customs and be true modern Americans. When the Jesuit finally gets the ok and does the job, the Archbishop says I owe you one, will send you a Johnny Walker red labe. The exorcist replies, make it black label, remember I am a Jesuit.
Hokey Smoke, Bullwinkle. I devised modalism as a fourteen-year-old Lutheran boy. i have since repented of both of those errors.
I’m picturing Homer Simpson with a miter;-)
(As long as we’re on the topic of cartoon characters as bishops, has anyone else noticed a resemblance between the incumbent Cardinal Archbishop of Chicago and George Jetson?)
reference to the Trinity… I recall well my Grade 7 teacher, Sister Saint Harold, settling this issue once and for all.
When she had finmished her lesson one student stood and said, “I don’t understand it.” She replied simply. “You don’t have to understand it. Just believe it.”
Stick to the shamrock. Time tested and no problems with that. Except *, **, ***, ****, *****, et seqq.
I’d love to see Bishop McButterpants take on the necessity of the atonement.
[Shamrock. It’s great, except for the fact that it is heretical. Tritheism. God does not have parts. As far as +F.Atticus is concerned, he just wants everyone to be happy.]
Why did I just read those footnotes with an Irish accent?
What would happen if Bishop McButterpants went on the carnivore diet and beat his food addiction?
Bishop McButterpants on the Atkins???? Way too expensive.
It is hard to dislike this bumbling, gluttonous, out of his depth, but generally well-meaning bishop. The people in his diocese could do better, but also much worse. He may still get his act together.