Chances are you’ll next hear something anti-Catholic if first you hear…

CMR has an amusing post which you should check out.

Top ten clues that you’re about to hear something anti-Catholic. …

Broken down by percentage points here are the chances you’re about to hear something anti-Catholic if you hear:

  • 44% chance if someone says "I’m not religious but I’m very spiritual."
  • 49% chance if someone says, "The Pope during WWII…"
  • A 53% chance if someone says "I read in the New York Times…"
  • 57% chance if someone says "I don’t need an intermediary between me and God…"
  • 68% chance if a representative of Barack Obama’s Faith Based Advisory Council office is quoted.
  • 83% chance if you hear from your television, "You’re watching Hardball…"
  • 84% chance if someone says "Richard Dawkins said…"
  • 89% chance if someone says "I don’t normally watch "The View" but Joy Behar said…"
  • 94% chance if there’s any mention of a flying spaghetti monster.
  • 98% Any mention of The Inquisition or the Crusades.
  • 100% If someone says "I was raised Catholic so…" anything that follows is guaranteed to be anti-Catholic.

Don’t forget Galileo…

Kudos to CMR for the chuckle.

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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  1. wanda says:

    My favorite – the flying spaghetti monster! LOL!

  2. Konichiwa says:

    If there was a “like” button, I’d click on it.

  3. Iconophilios says:

    Nothing about abortion? I’d say that if someone’s in favour, then there would a pretty high percentage of said person being anti-Catholic…

  4. Brian Day says:

    How about:
    * 49% chance if someone says “I read in The Tidings…”

  5. doanli says:

    Or if you live in a place where there’s a Baptist church (meaning Southern) on every other corner.

  6. Jackie L says:

    45% chance if you’re reading an article that quotes a “former editor of the Jesuit weekly America”
    48% chance if someone describes themselves as a “devout Catholic”, or a “thinking Catholic” if this same person uses the word “struggle” it goes up to a 93% chance
    51% chance if someone says “social justice”
    65% chance if if the words “condom” and AIDS are in the same sentence
    78% chance if someone says “progressives within the Church”
    87% chance if the word “dialogue” is used
    90% chance if the term “hierarchical church” is used
    95% chance if the word “fetus” is used
    99% chance if the term “anti-choice” is used

  7. mike cliffson says:

    add to cms, brian day, jackie:
    98.3* % chance when there is any variation of “In the davinci code/ as Dan Brown ( inerrantly) shows…”
    53.27% to 81.9% chance when defending the use of priest’s /nun’s’ /monk’s halloween/carnival habits..
    50% when somene starts “Science has shown ..”

  8. Jerry says:

    Another: “I read in the National Catholic Reporter…”

  9. jaykay says:

    “98% the Inquisition…” And of course it will always, without fail, be the Spanish variety. Nobody expects they’d know any better ;)

  10. asperges says:

    Add (in the UK):

    85% “Of course I don’t go to Church but..”
    75% “I’m not religious in any way but..”
    85% “I’m Catholic but don’t agree with the Church on…”
    75% “I go to Mass but..”
    80% “I know the Pope says.. but..”

  11. Tim Ferguson says:

    “I used to be an altar boy…”
    “I had nuns all through grade school and high school…”

  12. teomatteo says:

    “My aunt was in a convent…”

  13. Serviam1 says:

    95% The Boston Globe

    More fuel for self loathing Catholics. How many Boston “Catholics” continue to form themselves, with opinion pieces like this?…IMHO it’s a combination of Americanist error, heresy and confusion: “What I Believe”, by Charles P. Pierce.

    It was in this past week’s (7/11/10) Boston Sunday Globe:

    I’m surprised nobody has alerted Fr. Z to this.

  14. Serviam1 says:

    BTW, Pierce describes himself as an “anti-Catholic Catholic”. I guess he can be given credit for being up front about it. Nevertheless, the Globe continues its function as a platform for liberalism, the heterodox and uncatechized here in Boston.

  15. Pierce also describes himself as believing his profs at Marquette more than any of his Catholic relatives, Catholic grade school teachers, pastors, etc…. Talk about clericalism — apparently Jesuits are even more special than mere priests, and have an extraspeshul magisterium.

    To be fair, there’s a lot of bad stuff that’s happened in Boston, and anybody could feel bitter about it. But there’s also a lot of people in Boston who’ve drunk several different flavors of the Kool-Aid, and think we all should do likewise. Pierce gives us a portrait of these folks, including himself.

    There are several interesting hints here. For some reason, people seem to trust monk religious more, these days, than other kinds of religious. Maybe the more orthodox, growing monasteries have a role in healing the wounds of the American church, and teaching people not to be afraid of the devout life and of sacrifice.

    Also, the man’s absolutely right that we need more penitence and that we need to make reparation. He mocks a lot of stuff about the Irish scandal, but… you’ll notice that he doesn’t mock the call for public penitence. Interesting, no?

  16. Massachusetts Catholic says:

    Not to drag this too much off topic, but the Globe writer answered criticism of his article by the faithful in this new Boston-based blog, here: In Charles Pierce’s email response to criticism he quotes… Pontius Pilate!!

    So. Very. Apt.

    As for my favorite phrases, how about “church” without a preposition. An example, “How can we be church to each other?”

    Then there is “prophetic” as in, “Mary Daly was a prophetic writer.”

    Last but not least in my part of Massachusetts are women who claim to be Catholic and use the word “Godde” to describe Her.

  17. cblanch says:

    95% chance if you hear…”Well, I’m an American Catholic…”

  18. cblanch says:

    And I guess the term “Ardent Catholic” is another tip off, too. Thanks Pelosi.

  19. Mitchell NY says:

    Here’s a different spin, but often the result is something UnCatholic as well.How about “The Council did away with Latin” or quoting the Council for any number of things that are incorrect or false. Some of those conclusions could be construed as Anti-Catholic or against the Faith as well.

  20. doanli says:

    The “Spirit of Vatican II” quoted?

  21. New Sister says:

    teomatteo – how true is that!!

  22. LoyalViews says:

    99% if “I read in the National Catholic Reporter that…”
    78% if “Well, in the Spirit of Vatican II…”98% if “In Angels & Demons it clearly states….”
    80% if “In the DaVinci Code, it CLEARLY states that the Opus Dei..

  23. robtbrown says:

    Why do these articles always come out of Boston?

  24. Sid says:

    ANTICATHOLIC: What denomination are you?

    CATHOLIC: I’m a Catholic.

    ANTICATHOLIC: Well, I’m a Christian.

  25. Serviam1 says:


    Good question!!! I often wonder what happened around here? A lot has changed (and not for the better) in my 52 years. Now that I have a seven year old, I yearn for time when we could rely on the local parish, like my parents and grand parents. What we took for granted…

  26. rakesvines says:

    My 2 cents from
    -100% (negative 100%) I read from Fr. Z that…
    23.5% According to the professor at Notre Dame …
    27.2% The visiting Jesuit said…
    33% The LCWR stated in a press release that …
    99.9999% I read at the Natl. Catholic Reporter that…

  27. lizfromFL says:

    @Sid, love that one! I’ve had that conversation too many times.

    From the original article, I like the last one “I was raised Catholic, so…”

    Awful but true.

  28. teomatteo says:

    after thinking about it… i dont think that they have anticatholic sentiments…. i just think that when you hear these common preambles you are going to hear something really ignorant…just ignorant..

  29. Massachusetts Catholic says:

    Dear robtbrown,

    To answer the question,”Why do these articles always come out of Boston?”
    you might want to read Phil Lawler’s book, “The Faithful Departed: The Collapse of Boston’s Catholic Culture.” It names names and gives dates, and traces a lot of the rot back to the Kennedys and priests like Drinan who enabled them.

    (BTW, Fr. Walter Cuenin, a focus of the Globe story, figures in this book.)

  30. doanli says:


    Unfortunately, I get so angry when I hear that, LOL.

  31. Ismael says:

    Let’s not forget:

    100% Mentioning of ‘women priests’


    “Another: “I read in the National Catholic Reporter…” ”

    Yes, although NCR is not TOO bad, most people who comment on NCR are fierce anti-catholics.

    NCR is basically breast-feeding anti-catholicism

  32. robtbrown says:

    To answer the question,”Why do these articles always come out of Boston?” you might want to read Phil Lawler’s book, “The Faithful Departed: The Collapse of Boston’s Catholic Culture.” It names names and gives dates, and traces a lot of the rot back to the Kennedys and priests like Drinan who enabled them.
    Comment by Massachusetts Catholic

    Not surprising. On the other hand:

    The Church has generally collapsed all over the US, but from Boston comes the hardheaded attitude that everyone gets to determine what a Catholic is.

  33. Serviam1 says:


    You’re absolutely spot on. I forgot about Lawler’s book from a couple of years ago.

    Historically, one could argue the rot started to set in during Cardinal O’Connell’s reign in the 1920’s or ’30’s. On a practical level self sufficient parish life began to radically change after 1965 in Boston, as in many places. “Anti-Catholic Catholics” so often deride the “fortress” Catholicism of their youth. Boston was an area heavily defined by either “Irish” or “Personal (Immigrant)” parishes that provided sustinance and a counterweight to the hostility generated by the Yankee (WASP) establishment. The Catholics of Boston, particularly the English speaking Irish, assimilated well and “arrived” by the 1960’s, with Kennedy’s election. Hence the “fortress” walls came tumbling down, along with their version of post-Vatican II “Aggiornamento”. Unfortunately, we now live with the results. There are some wonderful pockets of hope however.

  34. Rob Cartusciello says:

    90% Welcome back to “The View”
    100% Joy Behar is talking

  35. Supertradmum says:

    I have heard all of these on teams for catechists in high schools, RCIA, and adult faith formation, except for the spaghetti monster….

  36. “Last but not least in my part of Massachusetts are women who claim to be Catholic and use the word “Godde” to describe Her.”

    That’s silly. “Godde” means God or a god, in Middle English, though occasionally a goddess is described as a god (as in Brut: “Me heold [Diana] heo for hehne godd.”)

    Other spellings for God include, according to the MED over at U Mich: gode, godd, godde, goid, guode, cod, got, goð [that’s the letter thorn; the word’s pronounced goth]. If I were being a PITA feminist, I would insist on worshipping Goth or Cod. Though Goid and Guode are also quite nice.

    Anyway, the point is that a terminal “dde” doesn’t make any difference in gender, and that we’re not speaking Middle English anyway. But if they insiste upponne swich usages, that’s hir probleme.

  37. Massachusetts Catholic says:

    Just for laughs, I googled Godde and came across a gem of a website. The discussion in the comments section is particularly heretical.

    I’m going to see if my library has the book, “A Warm Moist Salty God.”

  38. Horatius says:

    Sid, I get the point but since the question is inevitable, here’s how to avoid the nasty (and ignorant) punch line: “None. The Catholic Church is not a denomination. It is the church founded by Jesus Christ Himself.” Then the Catholic should invited the jokester to pray the rosary or come to Mass…

    The thing not least irritating about Protestantism is that it is boring.

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