AUDIO version below
Does the sight of several yards of red silk cause you to break out in a sweat, even if only a little, and start to tremble? Do your fingers start to tingle? Do you get the inexplicable urge to tweet about a certain canonist, known for his adroit pastoral skills, his incisive commentary, and his deep love for the Church?
Do you find yourself making outrageous comments like “It is time for him to be removed, and to go as quietly as possible”? HERE
Do your friends dart their eyes uncomfortably in your presence when you go on and on and blather about his “twisted view of the world,” HERE Do they cough and try to change the subject while you make your venomous ad hominem attacks? HERE
Do you lapse into a spittle-flaked nutty when someone mentions canon law? What about the constant and consistent teachings of the Church regarding the nature of marriage? When people speak of the sinfulness of sexual activity outside of marriage and the unnaturalness of homosexual inclinations do you swoon upon your fainting couch?
If you have experienced one or more of these symptoms, you may have Burke Derangement Syndrome™.
Don’t despair. There is good news. It can be cured with just a few simple steps!
A week retreat at a lovely shrine can be arranged to help you with the initial stages of recovery. Here you’ll bask in the healthful glow of the Church’s rich sacramental and liturgical life, and start to feel the healing balm of a devotional life centered not on protesting, riding buses with nuns, and worrying about silly things like the progressive agenda. Slowly your animus towards traditional piety and the comforting embrace of canon law will move you beyond the first step of acknowledging your problem toward a holistic integration. And everyone knows that holistic integration is important!
After your retreat, to foster additional healing, we recommend purchasing a copy of Divine Love Made Flesh and Remaining in the Truth of Christ. Expose your heart and soul to the healing balm of a truly great Churchman, with an obvious love both for Christ and for the People of God. The experience can be deepened through imbibing Mystic Monk Coffee as you read.
But wait! There’s more!
Once you feel the effects of normalcy reassert themselves in your nervous system, it will be most salubrious to attend a Pontifical Mass celebrated by the holy Cardinal who was once the catalyst for your psychological condition. Rather than eliciting paroxysms of unpleasant logorrhea and episodes of the vapors, the sight of a cappa magna will cause your heart and soul to leap to new heights as you begin to enter into the Tradition of our Holy Mother the Church. Soon enough, you’ll find yourself longing for a regular dose of Tradition. You’ll have less and less in common with the false “friends” with whom you once shared the dangerous disorder of…
Burke Derangement Syndrome™.
Brought to you by …
Mystic Monk Coffee
… and …
“You’re all going to die!”