Pres. Trump running for Pope

I know that all you readers love Pres. Trump, unequivocally and unreservedly.

Here is something pretty funny from a site called A-CNN (Alium-Cepa News Network – get it?).

It seems that Pres. Trump is now running for Pope and that he is making stump speeches.

Here’s a sample…


I don’t have to do this, when you think about it. I really don’t. I’m rich. I’m really, really, rich. I built a great company; a tremendous company. I employ thousands and thousands of people. So my friends, they ask me, they say Donald, you have everything you can dream of. You’re rich, you have an amazing wife, an amazing family, you’re very successful, why run for Pope? And I say, you know what? I have to run. My Church needs me. The Catholics need me. I have to make the Catholic Church great again. I have to.

(Cheers, applause)

You know, it’s a sad thing to say, but the Church is in such bad shape; terrible shape under Francis. The Catholic Church doesn’t win anymore. We just don’t. When is the last time Catholics won anything? Lepanto? When was that, the 1500’s? We don’t win anymore. But, let me just say, Under a Trump papacy, we are going to win again. We are going to win so much. We are going to win so much you are all going to be sick of winning, ok? But right now, it’s terrible. Just the other day, I see the Pope is praising Martin Luther. Martin Luther! Can you believe it?


Our Pope is over there praising Martin Luther; meanwhile millions of Hispanics are converting to Protestantism in Latin America. It’s true. We are losing millions and millions of people to the Protestants and our Pope does nothing. He does nothing. And I have nothing against the Protestants. Many of them are good people. I employ thousands of Protestants. I used to be a Protestant. But their leaders are just too smart for our leaders. We have people in power in the Church today who have no idea what they are doing. They are incompetent. All our leaders do is “dialogue.” We don’t convert anymore, we “dialogue.” What the hell is dialogue? Excuse me, but shouldn’t we be converting these people? If we have the Truth, why aren’t we converting them? But we don’t convert, we “dialogue”, and we lose millions and millions of these people to Protestantism. They are saying if the head of the Catholic Church thinks it’s ok to be Protestant, why convert? Why do we need to convert? Let him convert. Let the Pope convert. That’s what they’re saying. They’re laughing at us. There is no respect there. No respect. When I’m Pope, they are going to respect us again, let me tell you.


And of course he has a lot to say about Vatican II and the way seminaries are being run, women who look like Hillary distributing Communion, building a big beautiful altar rail, trads.

It’s very funny.  You have to read it with The Donald’s voice in your head.

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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  1. Semper Gumby says:

    That was great, thanks Fr. Z.


    By the shores of the Red Sea c. 1250 BC…

    A man in a robe with a distinctive hairstyle climbs up on a rock and addresses a crowd of thousands of laborers with camels and donkeys at their side.

    “So Moses says to me, ‘Hey Donald son of Trump, we gotta get across the Red Sea pronto.’ Well, Moses is a smart guy. He came to the right man, let me tell you. At Trump Moving and Logistics we got the best pack trains, the best. So big, so beautiful. Those haters and losers in chariots have no chance. This is going to be Yuge. They’ll be writing scrolls about this pack train.”

  2. Kathleen10 says:

    I totally heard that with his voice, fantastic. Oh, if only!
    I have come to realize fully in the last couple of days there really is such a thing as TDS and it’s pretty incredible the people who suffer from it. I believe I just lost a friend when that person discovered to their horror I like Trump. Why did she dislike him? Because she had a personal experience with sexual assault.

  3. Semper Gumby says:

    Kathleen10: Yep, TDS like Bush43 Derangement Syndrome is real. Deportations, children in cages, and temporary bans on Muslim immigrants from certain countries were all policies of the Obama administration. But now, the hysteria, agitation, and constant crisis of Leftist politics is useful for their goals of mass delusion and permanent political power.

  4. Kathleen10 says:

    Semper Gumby, what is really unnerving is these are people who are often church going people or at least, people I would consider very moral and balanced individuals. There is an emotional response when they discuss him, as if it’s personal, as if he ran over their cat.

  5. JustaSinner says:

    Well, if he wins, at least the wall is done; Vatican City encircled by them already and all…

  6. Semper Gumby says:

    Kathleen10: Good point. For those people it’s very personal- it’s all About Wonderful Me. According to news reports (even from Lib media) some have sought professional help for their TDS- God bless ’em. But for many, even church-goers, TDS results in: projecting their own flaws on others; virtue-signalling; or a conditioned cultural response (similar to the dramatic public fainting and ululations which are expected at certain Middle East funerals).

    JustaSinner: Good point. Time then to build some big, beautiful seminaries.

  7. Adeo3 says:

    This is sooo funny!!!! This is belly laughing material. Thank you for sharing Fr ?

  8. TonyO says:

    This was a great line:

    Vatican II? Is it Vatican II? Vatican II, 2 Vatican, who the hell cares. It stinks right? No matter what you call it, it stinks.

    Wonderful satire.

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