I occasionally check posts from the past. I found something from a few years ago, which feels right for these hard days, especially in view of future persecution.
From a reader…
QUAERITUR:
Dear Father,
I feel [unsafe] going to Church, which I unfortunately cannot bring myself to do. I firmly believe in the Catholic Faith and all of its traditional teachings. However, going to Mass anywhere has proved to be such a discomfort to me, that I fear I may never go again. I feel gravely uncomfortable attending Mass in the company of those priests who are themselves racked with limitless perversion and heresy, and I feel completely hypocritical for listening to them. Half of them appear to be homosexual, and I can’t bear the thought of touching their hand, much less by that same hand, receiving Holy Communion. Also, due to recent scandals regarding the Seal of Confession, I do not entirely trust the Clergy to absolute secrecy.
Least to say Father, I feel quite lost as a Catholic, and experience only feelings of disgust and affliction in the company of other Catholics, especially priests. You will tell me to go to Confession, which I have tried, many times over. What I am telling you is that I am disillusioned, and I am afraid that such disillusionment is irreparable. I do not feel compassion or understanding in this Church which has become a circus for pseudointellectuals and neofeminists. I wish I could feel right at home, but I don’t I’ve entertained thoughts of becoming Orthodox or even Anglican, but I can’t bring myself to do so; I believe, from a chiefly historical point of view, that the Roman Catholic Church is the True Church, Established by Christ. I also cannot escape a deep sense of faith to that end. But when I think of the Catholic Church I believe in and love, I do not see it in the one which currently claims the title. There appears to be a complete dichotomy between the two; it is as if the Catholic Faith were divorced from Visual Representation (i.e. church buildings and everything institutional that we can visibly see). I would greatly appreciate your wisdom and guidance. I have long read your blog, and have for you nothing but the deepest respect.
I get it. I really do.
I am not sure that a long, systematic answer will help as much as a few bullet points with thoughts as they occur to me.
You might take these – one at a time over as many days – and reflect on them.
- The Church was established by Christ, God, as our ordinary means of salvation. As Lumen genitum reminds us, anyone knowing and believing this who refuses to enter the Church or stay within, cannot be saved.
- The Devil is really good at being an Enemy. The Enemy is relentless and knows how to hit us where we are weak. Use the sacraments and sacramentals and ask your Guardian Angel for help.
- Some pundits would have you believe that nearly every other priest is some sort of deviant. That’s simply not true. Are there deviant and weird priests? Of course there are. The Church has been systematically infiltrated. Again, the Enemy is really good at being an Enemy. That said, even the wickedest, weirdest, or most wearisome priest confects the Eucharist and absolves your sins. Father gives you the creeps? Even disgusting leeches and maggots have their salutary use in medicine. Sometimes they are all you’ve got. And then they are a blessing.
- Yes, I will tell you – and everyone else – to go to confession, but not because of what you have written here. Go to confession when you are aware of mortal sins you haven’t confessed. However, I’ll remind everybody that an effect of the Sacrament of Penance is also to strengthen us against temptations. And you, sir, are being tempted. The Enemy has gotten a crowbar into your head and he’s prying away, trying to get you to distance yourself from the means of our salvation, Holy Church. Fight temptations to avoid the Church. There’s merit and grace in that fight.
- If the situation of the Church where you are is truly that corrupt, if it’s really the case that you can’t find a good parish or chapel, maybe it’s time for you to move. “But… but… but… that would be hard!” Of course it would be hard. On the other hand, “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.” Sometimes you have to make the hard call for the sake of your immortal soul. Life is short and eternity is… well… not. Is it worth it to stay where you are when you might relocate? To put it another way. You’ve been spotted by the Enemy, pinned down and are under heavy, well-directed fire. If you stay where you are, you’re toast. Pick up your weapon and get out of your foxhole. A hail of small arms fire might get you, but your present position is mortal. But… if it truly isn’t as bad as all that… then, again, pick up your weapon and get out of your foxhole. We need you.
- I am convinced that even wicked and stupid priests take the Seal of Confession seriously. When it comes to the Seal, at least, they are like different men and God is strong in them when it comes to keeping their mouths shut. Another phenomenon I’ve noticed – and many priests can have the same observation to me – we amazingly seem not to remember the content of 99% of the confessions we hear. It’s a mystery.
- What do you suppose priests to be? All priests are unworthy of their calling. He doesn’t choose men who are worthy. He chooses those whom it pleaseth Him to choose. God chooses and uses us anyway. It has ever been so. While He was still alive, 1/12th of the bishops sold the Lord and 10/12ths ran away from the Cross. What hubris infects us now to think that today’s priests are better than they? We only know and have more stuff, now. We aren’t any more worthy than they were. And they had Christ face to face every day! We, unworthy, see Christ as if through the dark glass. This is one reason why the traditional Mass is so helpful. It constantly reminds the priest, and the people, about who he is and who he isn’t. From the very beginning of Mass he declares himself a sinner and begs for your forgiveness. To you, friend, and to all, please forgive me, unworthy, in the place of all and every priest who has ever been stupid, wicked and low. Don’t punish yourself by staying away from the Church due to my sins and those of my unworthy brethren. Try to see, instead, the love and might of God at work even in us unworthy sinners. That’s His way of doing things, and we must submit to this unfathomable plan. Help us to be better. We are for you, in the manner of priest and also the victim offered. If I tell you to “man up”, then please help us to “man up”.
- Mother Teresa of Calcutta wrote in her spiritual diary that she endured decade upon decade tormented and anxious, with no consolations, persevering in a ceaseless dark night of the soul. Thérèse de Lisieux also suffered from a sense of abandonment at the end of her life. At the Lord’s tomb Mary Magdalen in anguish cried, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” Such suffering is permitted by God, who at times withdraws consolations and hides, to purify and test and strengthen our love. No pain, no gain, pal. Maybe it’s your turn to suffer for the sake of your soul and even for the unseen good of others if you can offer it back to God.
- You were probably confirmed. Call upon that indelible mark! Ask God, explicitly as a confirmed man, to strengthen you in your trial. Use that sacrament. That’s what it’s for! Never forget that the Holy Ghost’s mark is now forever in your soul. If you haven’t yet been confirmed… what the heck are you waiting for?!?
- If I can say it in such a publicly private space as this, I often avoid certain kinds of gatherings of priests. I have in common with most of them that we are both carbon-based life forms and that we have been ordained. And, for decades they have both demonstrated to me that we have little in common and they have let me know precisely that they see me that way too. I think many of them don’t belong to the same religion that I embraced when I converted. Again, the Enemy is really good at being an Enemy. Division is both a powerful weapon and sign of enemy activity. The impulse to withdraw must be resisted. The Enemy must not be allowed that terrain.
- Our Savior suffered during His Passion from beatings so bad that he was hardly to be recognized, fulfilling what Isiah wrote: “his appearance was so marred, beyond human semblance, and his form beyond that of the sons of men”. If our Lord suffered that way, then His Church too will suffer that way in her own Passion. I think that is what has begun. The Church again enters her Passion. Think of the holy women, Mary, and Christ’s newly ordained priest John who did not flee, who ran from the garden but who remained at the horrifying, saving Cross.
- A cardiologist friend has a good response to those who grumble about their prescribed treatment. “Do I have to take these pills forever?”, they mew. “No,” she says, “Just until you die.” We weren’t promised a bed of roses when we were baptized. We who are Christ’s disciples will all drink at least some drops of the chalice He drank on Calvary. It is our task to be faithful, brave and persevere.
- Connected to the previous points, of all the possible universes God could have created, He created this one and not some other. He knew every one of us before the creation of the cosmos, and He called us from nothingness into existence in this particular universe at this particular time according to His unfathomable plan. We have a role to play in God’s economy of salvation. We have to trust that we are exactly when and where God wants us to be. We have been born into troubling times. This is our battlefield, not some other theoretically ideal battlefield. It’s ideal for us because it’s ours and this is the one God gave us. If you want to stop feeling “unsafe”, then review the exigencies of your Christian, Catholic vocation, trust in God’s divine providence (He knows what he is doing) and, get into the fight.
- I wrote elsewhere that maybe you should move. Maybe. But maybe you are the one needed to help others where you live to deal with what you are dealing with, faithfully. Faithfully. Even though and precisely because it hurts. Faithfully.
- I will pray for you and I will fast for you and I will do penance for you. I will put you into my chalice at Mass to be transformed by God into the upright, confirmed, convicted man, filled with the Holy Ghost, you can be.
A very inspirational response, Father. Thank you and God Bless you!
Beautiful response Fr. Z! I can’t imagine the pain being stuck in modern styled churches with awful pastors preaching heresy left and right. But this is the plight of many of our brothers and sisters. They are bravely trying to hang on with few better options in sight, and about to get even fewer if rumors are to be believed. We did move to be near a good solid parish but I know that is a luxury, and may not ultimately insulate us from what might be coming. Moving is expensive and not always possible because of jobs, schools, family and cost of living. Right now there are only difficult choices, no easy ones. For me this summed it up perfectly:
“We who are Christ’s disciples will all drink at least some drops of the chalice He drank on Calvary. It is our task to be faithful, brave and persevere.”
This is what it means to be Catholic. To follow our Master, in EVERYTHING. If we change our religion to get an easier way then we abandon Christ’s path. We fling that chalice away from our lips and sever that connection to our Lord. The connection of suffering, which is ultimately our salvation. What a hard road this is! Truly a vale of tears. I will offer up this reader in prayer. I know they are suffering greatly, it breaks my heart.
So when the priest breached the seal of the confessional to the US Marshalls, his absolution was still effective? Well, at least MY sins were absolved…
Thank you for this!
Thank you Father Z. Such wonderful, useful and fatherly advice.
Thank you Fr. Z.
I know how he feels.
I understand your chastisement and will do my best to continue on the path Christ has laid out for me and my family.
We all need a kick in the pants and this one sure helped.
I STILL HAVE HOPE!
This is an Ace, Father. Keep it prominent on your site. Very helpful in every respect we so need now.
This reminds me somewhat of the following quote from George Eliot’s “Adam Bede”. “Mr. Roe, the “travelling preacher” stationed at Treddleston, had included Mr. Irwine in a general statement concerning the Church clergy in the surrounding district, whom he described as men given up to the lusts of the flesh and the pride of life; hunting and shooting, and adorning their own houses; asking what shall we eat, and what shall we drink, and wherewithal shall we be clothed?—careless of dispensing the bread of life to their flocks, preaching at best but a carnal and soul-benumbing morality, and trafficking in the souls of men by receiving money for discharging the pastoral office in parishes where they did not so much as look on the faces of the people more than once a-year.”
It’s a hauntingly familiar passage for someone whose background in Catholicism includes rather a lot of “Communion Services”, owing to a variety of factors, as well as having had to endure many “innovations” and other stupidity within the Mass. At least this suggests we are not the first generation to endure clergy who are of the world, not just in it.
I hope the writer finds consolation and strength and keeps their faith.
As you wrote the Devil is very clever. Being disappointed in the fallible humans in the Church is one way he uses to spur on our separation from the Church and eventually God. The Catholic Church has prevailed through the centuries in spite of our best efforts to sabotage, demolish, or eradicate it. The Church that Jesus established will prevail in spite of its current problems (which are many).
Excellent answers to an ongoing problem. One of the things that people do not often do is research places where they are going, and that includes parishes. My family has to drive around 45 to 60 minutes every Sunday to get to a parish which is not in our diocese, but which has properly celebrated Mass and confessions before and during every Mass. It takes effort to find a good parish and good priests these days, and sometimes they turn up in tiny little parishes in the middle of nowhere, but it takes some effort to find them. TLM would be best, but you do not always get the best in life, and there are many priests who would love to celebrate the TLM if it did not cost them being kicked out by their superiors, and they celebrate the most proper Novus Ordo Masses they can. Others do a very good job but don’t necessarily understand the importance of TLM. One priest I have known for almost 20 years who has always been orthodox and more active and holy in serving the Church than 99% of other priests, who only recently has started to support the TLM (though he still does not celebrate it), despite friends like me telling him for
years about the benefits. Also, there have been many bad periods in Church history, with whole countries under interdict so no Masses were celebrated, and bishops never being in their own diocese or priests in their own parish, just taking advantage of financial gain from their benefices. People tend to refer to the good old days of American Catholicism circa 1900 to 1960, but may I remind people that many of the most perverted priests came out of that era, because intellectual ability was more important than holiness in choosing candidates for the seminary. Every era has its problems and our current troubles are not unique. We simply need to figure out how to find the oasises in the desert.
>>If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away
I read that as also implying, “if the health of your liver causes you to sin, trample it underground, for it is better to go to Heaven with final-stadium cirrhosis than get your whole body, healthy and sober, thrown into Hell”.
God’s gracious gifts include the natural ones. And though Chesterton insists that the proper use of alcohol is to enhance joy in situations already joyful… well, there are exceptions in situations of necessity, as Prov 31,6 acknowledges. Sometimes what helps actually may be an increase of the dose of alcohol…
Or of course, somewhat more healthily, hot baths and a good night’s sleep, as St. Thomas teaches (Sth. I/II 38 V), and the like.
Perfect reply.
I have belonged to the same parish for almost 50 years and have seen “good” priests and “mediocre” priests come and go. We’ve had a “mediocre” run for the last 10 years or so. I sometimes consider going elsewhere, but I have manned my CCD teacher battle station for 25 years and feel I’m helping out and doing my part (and I’m good at it!). Plus, things could change at any time (an old priest leaves, a new priest arrives). But I pray for my priests every day; let’s see what God has in store for us.
Fr. Z:
Thanks for mentioning gatherings of priests. Years ago I belonged to a group that would sometimes organize “clergy appreciation nights.” The group began to limit these nights because the feedback from priests was “not enough time to attend”, “I feel like I am working”, “money could be spent elsewhere”, “if I wanted to relax I
would go fishing”, etc. I think quite a few can relate.
There are far too many in the Church hierarchy who have made a complete mockery of their ordinations, vows, and oaths. The Church teaching about Donatism, about the worthiness of the clergy, is getting a real workout.
I would like to add that it is my intention, with God’s aid to strengthen me, to persevere in my commitment to Christ and His Church. No matter how much poor example I see I intend to honor my promises to God and to keep my covenantal commitment to Christ’s New and Everlasting Covenant that I bound myself to in the Sacraments of Initiation.
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