From a reader…
QUAERITUR:
Long-time listener, first-time caller, as it were. I’ve followed your blog for years, and it has been a great source of knowledge and spiritual wisdom for me.
I went to confession today in a cathedral. As always, I kept it brief and succinct but this time, the priest cut me off after 30 seconds, as he was clearly on a schedule. As a result, I missed several sins out and was unable to confess them before absolution. My question is, if this is the case, does the absolution carry for all the sins I had to miss (mortal and/or venial) or should I find another priest and confess the sins I missed?
From the onset, thanks for that intro, which made me think of the late, great Rush Limbaugh and his “open line Fridays”.
You stated that “he was clearly on a schedule”. I’ll make a guess that he had to say the upcoming Mass and time was getting short.
Sensible priests want to hear the confessions of as many penitents as reasonably possible. Hence, perhaps he thought you were a “rambler”. A lot of people, especially those who have not made a good examination of conscience before hand, can fall into rambling, a bit aimlessly. A confessor ought to interrupt rambling and help the poor person out of their self-torture and get to the point, which is the point of relief, unburdening. Another reason for rambling could be embarrassment. It is best in the confessional just to SAY IT.
As for your situation, I don’t know if you were rambling or not. Sometimes I think penitents aren’t aware that they are offering up all sorts of extraneous, needless information. That examination of conscience I mentioned helps to prevent that.
Also, you can confess a LOT of sins in both kind and number in 30 seconds. Sure, sometimes you need to explain something about circumstances, but that can be important and needed. That said, most of the time, you don’t need to add circumstances. Just say what sins you committed and how many times (or how often… to the best of your ability… again examination of conscience beforehand!!!). It doesn’t have to take a long time.
Do you have to confess the things you didn’t get a change to say?
Technically, not really… all of your sins were forgiven with the absolution, not some of them. This applies also to things you sincerely forget about and didn’t actually confess. That said, if you remember something, sure, bring it up the next time you go to confession. We should confess all the mortal sins of which we are aware or which we remember that are unconfessed later on. “Father, the last time I went to confession, I forgot to confess…X”. In your case, “Father, the last time I went to confession, the priest was pressed for time and I didn’t get to confess A, B and C, which I do now.” Meanwhile, you sincerely intended to confess your sins and, when you received absolution all your sins were absolved, not some of them.
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“Sometimes* I think penitents aren’t aware that they are offering up all sorts of extraneous, needless information.”
*Often
I appreciate this insight. I tend to be pretty quick and succinct in my confession and I was wondering if I was being too quick! I was never a rambler but since reading your blog I’m pretty speedy. I don’t add context/circumstances because I figured if it was needed he’d ask.
If all sins are forgiven including the truly forgotten ones then why is it necessary to mention the now-remembered “forgotten” sin at a later confession? That seems to add an additional burden of trying to remember if one did indeed confess that sin.
I had something similar happen. I was in confession today, has run down all my sins, but suddenly recalled one I forgot but didn’t get the chance to tell Father as he instructed me to say the act of contrition outside due to a time crunch and gave me absolution.
Not just ramblers (of which I have sometimes been guilty, lately largely due to cognitive issues and thus having a hard time explaining things or blanking out), but many people apparently think the confessional is the place for spiritual direction, chatting about what’s going on in their lives, or whatever they are talking about in there for 15 or 20 minutes when there are still several people waiting and only 5 more minutes for confessions.
If you need spiritual direction or to talk for more than a minute or two, please make an appointment.
Thank for the helpful clarification.
Partly because of your constant refrain to go to confession, and to do it well (i.e. examination of conscience), I have practiced NOT being a rambler. I have found there is almost an art to analyzing your sins and preparing your confession to be clear as well as concise: only what is necessary for understanding, but within that boundary, ALL of what is necessary for declaring what you did, is a guideline that can test your word skills as well as challenge your conscience. Fortunately, God already knows your sins, AND he knows whether your intent is to give a full account of those mortal sins, so a bit of a flub that is unintentional after due preparation isn’t something to worry about. I know that I am not am not always spot on – my memory isn’t perfect, for one thing – so even with preparation I can lose a bit, but I will keep trying.
I thank God for the many priests who make themselves available for confessions, and especially for those who offer times outside of 1 hour on Saturday afternoons, as those latter (for me) are hardly ever helpful.
An even worse problem in rambling, I have found, is that one often begins to unconsciously excuse their sins.
“I was seriously impatient with and verbally critical of my husband,” is good.
“I was seriously impatient with and verbally critical of my husband, when he once again told me that he did not like when I kept trying to explain my situation to him, which he always does, and I just feel like I can’t help myself, and I have no control over my emotions, and as if I am not even choosing to get angry …,” is basically saying, I did something I know was materially bad, but involuntary, so not a sin.
Obviously, not intended as an excuse, but still an excuse: An explanation, not an accusation.
The more you explain, the less, typically, you are sorry, or at least the less you trust in the Sacrament.
If we’re unclear, we can (and do), ask questions … or at least we should.
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I hope this is the right place to pose this… I guess my question comes to “what does a good confession look like?” from a penitent’s perspective. I know and understand the form, mechanics, and the need to be clear, concise, and that absolution is a good indicator that I “did it right”. But, I’ve never gotten any feedback beyond that. It’d be interesting to get more perspective from the reverend Fathers either here or in a post. (Forgive me if this has already been covered elsewhere – please point me to it.)
-Asking humbly.