BREAKING: NANCY PELOSI EXCOMMUNICATES ARCHBP CORDILEONE

From the often amusing Eye of the Tiber:

Washington, DC––In an astonishing move today, Minority Leader of the House of Representatives and Mouthpiece of God in the United States Nancy Pelosi has excommunicated San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone.

The move comes just a day after Pelosi sent Cordileone a letter asking him not to attend the National Organization for Marriage march in Washington D.C., calling the event “venom masquerading as virtue.” In response to the letter, Cordileone issued a response saying that the March for Marriage “is not anti-LGBT, but rather, it is a pro-marriage march.”

The letter of excommunication begins with Pelosi regretfully informing the San Francisco bishop that, due to actions displaying disdain and hate towards LGBT persons, “I, Nancy Pelosi, Mouthpiece of God Almighty, Secretary of Defense Against Bigotry, Director of the Office of Tolerance, and Ambassador to the Alpha and the Omega, hereby impose a ferendae sententiae, excommunicating you from my Catholic Church. I ask you to ‘evolve’ and to mend your bigot ways.”

“We separate him, together with his accomplices and abettors, from the precious Body and Blood of the Lord and from the society of all Christian people,” Pelosi told EOTT as she stroked the point of her long red tail. “We exclude him from our Holy Mother the Church in Heaven and on earth; we declare him excommunicate and anathema; we judge him damned, with the Devil and his angels, to eternal fire until he shall recover himself from the toils of the Devil and return to amendment and to penitence. So be it!”

At press time, Pelosi’s uncle, Screwtape, is very proud of her.

Hmmm… where have I heard that… no matter.

I rather like the sound of “Pelosi” and “excommunicate” in the same sentence.  Now if we can just get the words in the right order.

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About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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18 Responses to BREAKING: NANCY PELOSI EXCOMMUNICATES ARCHBP CORDILEONE

  1. Siculum says:

    I just walked into the room after leaving my computer to go get a snack, and, coming back, all I saw “Cordileone,” “Pelosi,” and “Excommicates.” I’m surprised I didn’t trip over something as I literally ran to my computer.

  2. I love EOTT. It’s as good as Bruvver Eccles and his slightly saved blog.

  3. cdet1997 says:

    The only thing this article needs is Pelosi’s face photoshopped over Richard Burton’s. It would be hilarious.

  4. wmeyer says:

    That about covers Pelosi’s hubris, I think. She has had a private audience with her previous archbishop, and one with the pope, yet has not, so far as I can see, altered her actions in any way. Hmmm… I think that also covers the obstinacy mentioned in Canon 915.

  5. benedetta says:

    After she issued the excommunication, did she then make a ceremonial ritual offering on “sacred ground” before her Margaret Sanger Award tabernacle? What’s a few more piled onto the already tens of millions abandoned, rejected and slaughter under her leadership?

  6. Del says:

    I pray for a smiting.

  7. Sonshine135 says:

    EOTT- still more accurate than MSNBC.

  8. Josephus Muris Saliensis says:

    You write: “I rather like the sound of “Pelosi” and “excommunicate” in the same sentence. Now if we can just get the words in the right order.”

    They already exist, and in the right order, written in her own soul, by her own actions! She simply cannot hear it.

  9. Jim Dorchak says:

    Well it is about time some one got excommunicated. If the bishop can not find the spine to do his job to its fullest then maybe the excommunication is in order.

  10. Kathleen10 says:

    Nicely written. Every day that goes by that she does not get excommunicated is another day of scandal. I pray for once our church does not move with the speed of glaciers but does this and soon. Millions of people must think she is a spokesperson for Catholicism, especially since she seems to think it. If she is left unchecked then it leaves one to wonder if she really is.
    Can I break protocol for a second? I know this isn’t done, but has anyone seen Mamajen? She mentioned she was not feeling well and now I do not see her posts. Mamajen, if you are checking in, I hope all is well.

  11. Glennonite says:

    Brilliant! I especially liked the Uncle Screwtape reference. :)

  12. majuscule says:

    It’s interesting that even a satire site brings out the troops. (They are over there as I type…)

    When Prop 8 (marriage is between one man and one woman) was up for vote in California, local community online discussion sites that barely generated local interest found themselves inundated with combox homosexualist activists. Or maybe it was activist (singular not plural) using many login IDs.

  13. Bob Glassmeyer says:

    So much for “gather us in,” and “all are welcome in this place.”

  14. AvantiBev says:

    There is a family that summered in Hyannis Port that should have been excommunicated a long time ago.

  15. JARay says:

    I too like the “bruvver Eccles is saved” blog. I see that Americans too are beginning to see the humour in such satirical blogs and somehow I did not expect that. For those who have not yet stumbled upon it I do warn you that words are deliberately misspelled and that is part of the humour. That said, there is little of humour to be found in the Pelosi saga although the idea of Pelosi excommunicating the Archbishop from her “church” is redolent with sarcasm and satire.

  16. Tantum Ergo says:

    This question has been posed a million plus times… WHY is Pelosi not FORMALLY excommunicated? She’s a pied piper of doom, leading many souls to their eternal damnation. There needs to be a cleansing of the political sphere, with a few “catholics” forced to recant their pro-abortion stance, or be cut off from Mother Church till they do. My Granddaddy had a saying about bank swindelers, which could just as easily be applied to catholics who lead Catholics astray: “They wouldn’t have to cut off many heads…”

  17. Salvelinus says:

    I must admit my Wednesday blues were quickly abated when the title to this post was cut off by my android.

    It read “BREAKING: NANCY PELOSI EXCOMMUNICA”

    Then I clicked, and my blues came back. .. worse than before.

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