Another German Abdication?

The best thing to come out of World Cup/Pope humor, from the often amusing Eye Of The Tiber:

Germany Abdicates World Cup Championship; Argentina To Assume Title

BRAZIL––The German National Team today stunned soccer fans across the globe with their announcement that they would abdicate the World Cup title, effective today. UEFA, the administrative body for association football in Europe and part of Asia, said today it has voted the largely unknown Argentinian National Team to assume the title of champions of the soccer world.

In a statement issued today, the German National Team wrote: “…in today’s game, subject to so many rapid changes on the pitch and shaken by questions of deep relevance for the beautiful game, in order to govern the bark of the World Cup and proclaim the goodness for beautiful game, both strength of mind and body are necessary, strength which in the last few quarters of play, has deteriorated in us to the extent that we have had to recognize our incapacity to adequately fulfill the duties necessary to being World Cup champions.”

The Argentinean Nation Team takes over title as UEFA is embroiled in a storm of controversy after accepting Qatar’s bid to host the 2022 World Cup. Moments after news broke that Argentina would be taking over as World Cup champions, soccer fans from the across the globe were enthusiastic about the news. One American soccer fan, Timothy Clark, told EOTT that it was a time for a change.

The old champions were not a good fit for today’s game. They didn’t allow soccer to evolve to today’s game. It seemed like they wanted to take game back to the early days of soccer. But the Argentinian team appears to be a champion for the people. They seem open to changes in the game. I really think they will open the door to female players in the near future.”

At press time, the Argentinian National team has told the press that “If a player wants to slap another player on the butt after a goal, who are we to judge.”


About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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  1. incredulous says:

    Not to hijack, but the premise is all wrong. North Korea reported they were playing Portugal in the final game after they beat Japan 7 0, USA 4 0 and China 2 0. I’m going to have to tune into Pyongyang to find out what really happened as opposed to all this Germany/Argentina propaganda.

    It was on North Korea TV.

  2. Carolan says:

    Will the Argentines wear soccer shoes or uniforms? Will they fly to games or charter buses or old tramp steamers? Will they hide their medals in their waistbands so their opponents won’t be intimidated? Will Marty Haugen compose their team song? Just askin’

  3. Back pew sitter says:

    The “Eccles is Saved” blog – definitely the wittiest religious blog around – has a funnier take on “The World Pope Competition”:

  4. J_Cathelineau says:

    Ah!…so funny. Now lets have some comments about the splendid coming out of the US National Team featuring Mahoney, Dolan, Bernardine, Roach, Egan, Hensburgh, Law, O´Malley…

  5. JustaSinner says:

    Soccer, the sport like watching paint dry…

  6. jmcj says:

    That last line takes the cake. The author of Eye of the Tiber is a genius!

  7. Bea says:


    Maybe it’s an Argentinian abdication.

    New Headlines:
    “Argentinian Pontiff, surrender World’s Cup (Rome’s Cupula) to German Pontiff Emeritus”

    Oh, well, I can dream can’t I?

  8. JARay says:

    I must agree with Back Pew Sitter about the Eccles is Saved blog but I must warn anyone who wishes to click onto that blog that if you happen to use the Mozella Firefox browser you will be denied access because of what they did to that pesky “christian” who was sacked for being against “gay” marriage. I always use Google Chrome when I want to log on to the Eccles is Saved blog.
    And to JustaSinner I would be willing to bet that you couldn’t watch a skillful game of chess either or a tense game of cricket in which a side is battling not to end up losing the match and is fighting to make it end in a draw….a battle of wills and a battle of the mind.

  9. Johnno says:

    No no, Germany still claims to be the Champion Emeritus, and still keeps a World Cup in its court of arms. Argentina still humbly calls itself a semi-finalist. Both insist on wearing the same uniform, thus causing more confusion on the field, whilst I suspect the Argentines possess a habit of not remembering which way they are supposed to go and keep shooting at their own net. But obviously these world class soccer players know what they’re doing, or this is all just a clever ruse, so who are we to judge and criticize? Hopefully the referee will descend from heaven soon, card them both, and give the ball to someone who knows how to dribble past the world’s foulers with his eyes on the true goal.

  10. Muv says:

    Terribly cheeky article, quite hilarious.

    An earlier World Cup match between Argentina and Germany has gone down in family history. In 1966 my dad (RIP) was roped in to do some interpreting and a few announcements over the loudspeakers at Villa Park. The goalless draw was fairly eventful, with an Argentinian player being sent off. After the match a reporter from a local newspaper asked dad to put a question to the player as to why the referee sent him off. Dad obliged, and gave the unprintable answer to the reporter, who solemnly put his notepad and pencil back in his pocket. Crackingly funny insight into the Argentinian temperament, but because this is not a scurrilous blog, I shall keep the secret.

  11. OrthodoxChick says:

    Father Z.,

    Who did Basil Emeritus cheer for in the world cup? My 5 year old and I tried to visit his page this morning to ask him, but he wasn’t there. I think he may have gone on vacation down to Brazil to catch the game in person. Help!

  12. ejcmartin says:

    I hate to be pedantic but I will anyway. UEFA is the European federation and responsible for the European championship and the club level Champions League. FIFA the world federation is responsible for the World Cup and is embroiled in the questions surrounding Qatar. I was largely neutral for the final and it was a great tense game. The game winner was scored by Mario Gotze who interestingly had this to say on his Facebook page after a mediocre season beset with injuries even before the World Cup began : “Dear God, I would like to take a minute. Not to ask for anything. But simply to say thank you, for everything I have.”

  13. Alba says:

    You can tell this is a spoof from a geographically-challenged source: it confuses UEFA and FIFA. You can be pretty sure that UEFA are mighty glad that they are not responsible for the Qatar blunder.

  14. Man, I was really thick. I mean, I was getting the spoof of the papal retirement, and I was wondering why EOTT was bothering with it, until I was three-quarters of the way down — and then, finally, the German-Argentinian angle dawned on me! Better late than never.

  15. marcelus says:

    In your dreams. We’ve played a few finals with the Germans and once the sadness fades away. We will still have the best player in the world, and the best ever Maradona, and the current Pope. Much better than lots of other teams. This is Benedict land I know in every way, but we still stands strong. Maybe Russia 2018. Who knows. Our regards to the Brazilians who got scored against 10 goals in 2 games.

  16. The Cobbler says:

    JARay, you sure it’s Firefox and not some antivirus, firewall or addon that’s blocking it? I was able to get in with Firefox just fine. (And I honestly would expect such tactics more from Google, where they watch your every move because it’s informative, than from Mozilla, where they’re supposed to care about the end user’s freedom. But eh. People are hypocrites all over these days.)

  17. Imrahil says:

    Dear Alba,

    those in the pews do. But according to all reports, Mr. Blatter opposed Qatar in the vote, while Mr. Platini was in favor of them. I don’t like Mr. Blatter’s tenure (and the fact that it doesn’t seem to be ending) very much (few do), but honor to whom honor is due.

  18. Imrahil says:

    In fact, comparisons have a limping leg as the saying goes: I don’t think there is a rule that would ban women from competing in (Men’s) soccer (though there is one vice-versa). It’s just that they lack the physical strength to do so competitively. Every now and then, speculation does pop up about some female soccer pro that she might possibly sign for a men’s team (though I haven’t heard someone actually did).

    Note: if we go for the real ambition of some…

    then it’s not about opening the door for the women (in soccer it is open), but about decreeing a quota to be fulfilled (say, 5 women on the field). And then the comparison suddenly stops to limp. Note that I wouldn’t be surprised if some feminists really have such ideas, even about soccer.

    Btw., the German Footbal Association (the functionaries, not players and training staff) for some time was desperately seeking a homosexual pro to have a “modern”. They have found one (in numbers: 1) by now, who is retired.

  19. marcelus says:

    Bea says:13 July 2014 at 11:24 pmHmmmmmMaybe it’s an Argentinian abdication.New Headlines:GOD SENDS MESSAGE THROUGH GOALIE:“Argentinian Pontiff, surrender World’s Cup (Rome’s Cupula) to German Pontiff Emeritus”Oh, well, I can dream can’t I?

    Yes you can still dream on. . Messi ans Maradona ring a bell?

    Argentina is a world power in soccer. .. do not match the “unknown’ category at all! Best world player in history is from Argentina and the best in the world today is from. …. Argentina. . Germany and Argentina have played 3 finals in history so. .. we know each other well.

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