The Last Altar Boy

The often amusing Eye of the Tiber has this:

The last male altar server in the United States has officially called it quits, the boy’s family is reporting this morning.

The 3-year altar server veteran, who remained at his post as cross bearer despite pressure from the community to wear heels or quit altogether, served his final Mass on Sunday morning.

Devin McAlister, who claims he was made fun of by friends at school for doing a “girls job” told EOTT that many in the community began to question his sexuality as the years went on.

“People used to say stuff,” McAlister said. “I could hear them saying things as I walked down the aisle. Every Mass, for instance, I would hear this guy poking fun at me, saying that the only reason I served was because I got to wear a dress. Or him saying things like ‘shouldn’t you be carrying a barbie doll?’ But it wasn’t always Father Brian who be picking on me…sometimes it was other people too.”

McAlister went on to say that he was, nevertheless, thankful for the time he spent serving the Mass, thanking his fellow servers for showing him how to be a better server and for teaching him what type of heals and sparkly makeup best complimented different cincture colors.

At press time, McAlister has joined the choir.

 

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12 Responses to The Last Altar Boy

  1. MarieSiobhanGallagher says:

    Is Eye of the Tiber like an ecclesial The Onion?

  2. Gregorius says:

    Yes, EOTT is Catholic Satire.

    That quip with Fr. Brian killed me.

  3. Sadly this is too true (but funny still). Glad to attend a parish that uses only altar boys even for Masses in the Ordinary Form.

  4. Traductora says:

    Get the girls off of the altar and the old ladies and “excellent women” out of serving Communion. So it will take a little longer if only the priest or priests give Communion? Big deal. Who has a hot date right after Sunday mass?

    Get a decent organist or choir to give people a sort of musical background while they wait, and they might actually have a moment of reflection.

  5. jilly4life says:

    I was reading it out loud to my husband and when I got to the sentence about Fr. Brian we both burst out laughing. I also like the part about joining the choir. (Most choirs could use a few more men).

  6. Sonshine135 says:

    Unfortunately, young Devin will soon find out that the choir is also infiltrated with girls singing the rather unsingable gibberish from the likes of Haugan, Hass, and the very unfortunate “Fragrance Prayer” by Tom Booth. Even if he decides to stick it our, he will probably still get the stink-eye from Fr. Brian or from the Protestant Choir Director/ Keyboardist. Best to find him a FSSP parish and fast!

  7. Emilio says:

    For two years I was a part of a team of parish servers, and I was made fun of because I was one of two boys, and about twelve girls. At that time in my parish, it WAS thought that “it was a girls thing” to serve at the altar. My parents let me quit since I was being made fun of, but only a year later, our new pastor established a male-only program, and he endured a white martyrdom from many in the parish, from the press and by some in our archdiocese. After a very rough few months for him, then-Cardinal James Hickey of Washington declared his public support for our pastor, and the problems lessened from that point forward. Long story short, it became cool to be an altar boy again, the program tripled in size, albs were discarded in favor of cassock and surplice, incense and bells were commonplace, and this program produced THREE priests for the Archdiocese of Washington (in 10 years)…one of whom was chosen to deliver the homily at the Verizon Center on the morning of the March For Life last month, and received a standing ovation from two cardinals, the Apostolic Nuncio, and many thousands present. Nothing less than miracles happen when we get politics out of the way, and we let God do His work.

  8. Emilio says:

    For two years I was a part of a team of parish servers, and I was made fun of because I was one of two boys, and about twelve girls. At that time in my parish, it WAS thought that “it was a girls thing” to serve at the altar. My parents let me quit since I was being made fun of, but only a year later, our new pastor established a male-only program, and he endured a white martyrdom from many in the parish, from the press and by some in our archdiocese. After a very rough few months for him, then Cardinal James Hickey of Washington declared his public support for our pastor, and the problems lessened from that pony forward. Long story short, it became cool to be an altar boy again, alba were discarded in favor of cassock and surplice, incense and bells were commonplace, and this program produced THREE priests for the Archdiocese of Washington (in 10 years)…one of whom was chosen to deliver the homily at the Verizon Center on the morning of the March For Life, and received a standing ovation from two cardinals, the Apostolic Nuncio, and many thousands present. Nothing less than miracles happen when we get politics out of the way, and we let God do His work.

  9. ergadia says:

    This article is like so many at Eye of the Tiber, sadly hilarious. That said here is an article where a woman talks about wanting to be a priest based being an Altar Server when she was young. Being male I had not considered what a disservice it is to allow female Altar Servers who then think about being priests.

  10. majuscule says:

    Please don’t denigrate Fr. Brian. I have heard that he posts here using another name.

  11. JesusFreak84 says:

    We laugh, and yet…

  12. ad Deum says:

    A young woman said once that she never thought of being a priest when she served. She missed the point.