From “The Private Diary of Bishop F. Atticus McButterpants” – 23-03-24 – Priests retirement home

March 24th 2023

Dear Diary,

Gave an afternoon of recollection at the retired priests’ home yesterday. During drinks before dinner, ancient Msgr Hinckley motioned for me to come over. Wasn’t sure I wanted to do that, since he’s been picking on me for well over forty years, since seminary. But I thought maybe he’s mellowed with age. I go over. He takes my hand, patting it, says, “I see they’re feeding you well, Francis!” Dang! He always gets me. He’s been lobbing that zinger at me since I was 20! And all the guys all picked up on it. Years of, “Oh, Francis!” He’s half the reason I dropped Francis and started to go by Atticus, leading to the inevitable.  Didn’t even see it coming.  Too late now.  Might as well embrace it.

The coordinator of the retirement home was telling me about the recent increase in costs. Astronomical! Why can’t we get some nuns or something to help out? Would be cheaper, that’s for sure. What happened to all the Sisters who taught in our schools anyway? I had them when I was a kid, and they were great.  The schools weren’t free, but they didn’t cost anywhere near what they charge now! The few nuns we have are as old as Hinckley, so that’s not gonna work. How do you get some of those young gals like Jude has in his diocese? It’s like they want to go there.  Must investigate.  NOTE: Ask Fr Tommy if any of his friends over there have a clue.

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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  1. VP says:

    Dear Fr. Z – I don’t know if one exists, but if so, can you please give the description of His Excellency Bishop McButterpants’s coat of arms?

  2. Philmont237 says:

    “Lighten up, Francis!” -SFC Hulka, “Stripes”, 1981

  3. redneckpride4ever says:

    Dear Bishop McButterpants,

    I live in the Diocese of Manchester, NH. My territorial NO priest has a growing parish. Last time I went for a Tuesday night confession there were 11 people behind me and 3 in front.

    He wears a biretta, has responses in Latin and offers Mass ad orientem. So unfortunately you may not desire to contact him for advice. Not only that, the demographic is young and inexperienced in what they practice.

    Perhaps I have no clue what is good and proper since I ususally attend an SSPX chapel. I apologize in advance if my renegade self makes you feel uneasy.

    Best of luck.


  4. The Egyptian says:

    “Ask Fr Tommy if any of his friends over there have a clue.”
    I’m sure “Fr Tommy” knows but it is F.Atticus that is clueless. totally clueless!
    And he didn’t even see it coming!

  5. hilltop says:

    I just have to laugh every time I see that coat of arms. Or shall we call a pants of arms?
    Sooo ridiculously funny!

  6. L. says:

    I can’t decide whether it would be better for a Bishop to be clueless like His Excellency McButterpants, or to be an evil conniver. Nevertheless, I think I know which we have more of.

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