Given that I recently posted again, after a long time, about Fr. Z’s 20 Tips For Making A Good Confession (HERE) I had to share this from my friend Patrick Madrid.
Pertaining to Tip 2:
— Patrick Madrid ?? (@patrickmadrid) August 30, 2023
Practically, from this.
First, don’t ramble in the confessional. Know what you are going to day ahead of time. That means, second, examine your conscience before getting into the confessional. Give only relevant details. JUST SAY IT without circumlocutions.
Most importantly, you can’t follow the 20 TIPS unless you GO TO CONFESSION.
So, since you should follow the 20 TIPS…
GO TO CONFESSION!
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Perhaps you might offer to your fellow priests 20 Tips for Offering a Good Confession. Here are a few that I would love for priests to consider:
Relating to this post, “Do not practice your homily in the confessional.”
(Yeah, it happens. Be brief, Fathers.)
“Do not mumble or race through the words of absolution.”
(I’ve sometimes had to take it entirely on faith that the priest actually said the correct words of absolution.)
“Do not ask penitents, ‘Is that it?’ or ‘Are you finished?'”
(Suggesting that the penitent must have more to confess is not appropriate, unless perhaps they’ve confessed nothing more than drinking too much coffee or some other completely trivial matter. If you’re not sure if the penitent is done confessing, say something like, “Are you ready for me to take over now?”)
And, my all-time, number-one pet peeve: “DO NOT TAKE YOUR SMARTPHONES—OR ANY OTHER PHONE—INTO THE CONFESSIONAL!”
(Do you know how easy it is to pocket dial, or to engage a recording app, or for your microphone to relay information to your social media apps for the algorithms? Just imagine how thrilled a prosecutor might be to tell a judge, “Father need not testify if we can be granted access to his iPhone, Your Honor.” If you need to keep track of time, wear a non-“smart” wristwatch.)
“Do not ask penitents, ‘Is that it?’ or ‘Are you finished?’”
Then finish your confession with, “for these and all the sins of my past last life (especially X), I’m humbly sorry and ask for penance and absolution.”
Then the priest knows you’re finished and not just trying to think of your other sins.
Be specific
Be brief
then BEGONE!
Sometimes, it’s the priest. Incredibly long line once and 10-15 minutes per penitent. Those of us near the front of the line agreed to let father know of the long line, to no avail. He was the rambler.
[You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. Some one else suggested that Father might be testing out his upcoming homily. I’ve experienced that. FATHERS! DON’T RAMBLE! STAY ON POINT!]
Is it really necessary that father needs to counsel you on everything? If I’ve examined my conscience, I’ve already come to realize my sin. I really don’t need father to explain what I already know. It seems that this is a recent phenomena, I don’t remember so much feedback in the confession years ago.
Mrjaype:
Good point about long lines. I have been in line where the case mentioned above was happening. There are times I have been in confession where near the end the priest has asked “how many left?” I have also seen a priest arrive to assist with confession and say “this is the express line” and give instructions on being brief. I have also seen cue cards at parishes pertaining to “if you are looking for spiritual direction make an appointment. ”
Sometimes I will do the Act of Contrition outside the confessional to save time. I have also seen when younger children go to confession the priest may need a “heads up.”
I do suggest arriving a little early during the listed confession times. The parish closest to where I live begins confession on Saturday afternoon at 1530 (vigil Mass is at 1700) and there are times I have arrived at 1545 and there are 20 people in front of me already. By the same token sometimes I have gotten there at 1520 and the priest arrived earlier and already started. (By the way when priests and deacons discuss confession from the pulpit Catholics show up so kudos to the parish priests and deacons who do this.)
El padre Zuhlsdorf, gracias por escriba confesciones en espanol. Vive en Tejas y hablar espanol pequeno. I have been in line for confession where a Catholic prefers to go to confession in Spanish. Some create a bottleneck during confession times because some will wait for a priest who is Hispanic and fluent in Spanish. Some priests are bilingual (or have working knowledge of Spanish – most of the priests in my diocese ordained within the last 20 years have to have some knowledge of Spanish) and years ago an older priest would sometimes put a sign on his confessional that translated to “I will hear your confession but I don’t speak Spanish. ” The parish closest to where I live has a full time older parochial vicar who is fluent in Spanish (para Mexico) and many Hispanic parishioners prefer to go to him for confession.
If you’re not sure if the penitent is done confessing, say something like, “Are you ready for me to take over now?
Sounds rather unnatural and forced to me. “Is that it” is fine. If the penitent’s one of these delicate souls who read that as a suggestion that he must have had more sins, what a great chance to 1) merit by being humbled and 2) learn, by repetition, not to be such a delicate soul. “Learning by pain, motivation by shock”, as the nco-s said in the military.
(Initial reaction. Not to praise myself but even as a layman I tend to be more gentle when having some specific person in front of me, rather than in this “objective general situation”-type setting; and I think this would be more so if I were a priest and even more so if I were a confessor. All the same, can we really model our manner of interaction-among-normal-people on the very sensitive?)
Sometimes, the “pregnant pause” is because the penitent has been steeling himself to say something which he thinks the priest will find shocking. What I usually say in such circumstances is “Is there anything else that you wish to say?”, which leaves the door open to the penitent to say something if he wishes. “Is that it?” seems a bit abrupt and discourteous to me. But maybe that’s because I’m a Brit.
To avoid this situation I would suggest (1) confessing the sins you find the most difficult first and (2) letting the priest know that you have come to the end of what you want to say either by the use of a formula, or in your own words.
Something similar could be said about the beginning of a confession. Some penitents expect the priest to initiate the conversation, others have been trained to start with “Bless me Father, for I have sinned”. This requires sensitivity and understanding on both sides of the grille.
I hope I never ramble on, but it isn’t always easy to decide whether to say anything, and what to say. Often you only have a split second to make such a decision and you’re not going to get it right every time, even if you pray, as you should, to the Holy Spirit beforehand. You might think that “missing Mass” is a case where you don’t need to say anything. But there have been numerous occasions where I have asked why the penitent has missed Mass and it has turned out that they have a perfectly good reason, such as taking a sick child to hospital.
I could say more, but I am due in the box in 10 minutes time and since it is a First Friday, there will be a long queue waiting for me.