EDITOR’S NOTE: This entry seemed particularly apropos, given today’s news of the cruelty of the Bishop of Charlotte, NC.
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16 April 2025
Dear Diary,
Today was the sort of day that makes you long for an undisclosed sabbatical and a lot of Crown Royal. It was about that draft on “Liturgical Unity and Contemporary Expression” from Dozer* that Vice and McSwiney have been pushing at me because according to them “its what Rome wants”. My old chum Dozer did something like this over in Pie Town and now that he’s on the bishops liturgy committee he’s throwing his weight around the state kinda onimously. So I get the priests of the diocese gathered for what was billed as a “fraternal consultation” but before that I asked Fr. Tommy to do me a favor and ask around a little, spread a rumor here and there about the draft so that it would be pretty dead when I got everyone in the room. I’m not into this stuff, but sheesh, the draft is like a grudge against… beauty? “Ad oriwhazit”… the “back to the people” thing is too “directional” which is kinda the point, Latin is too “exclusionary” which it kinda is, lace “antiquated and feminine” which is hard to disagree with, bells “auditory clutter” which I don’t get ’cause I like them, birettas “costume drama” – big deal, it’s a hat, and black vestments are “macabre”, every other word is “pastoral” which is a load of crap, of course. I’m not much into those things. Fun once in a while. But they make a lot of people happy and that counts! Collections count too!
The draft wants what Bp. Jude when I asked him called “a mass deforestation of anything remotely traditional” and that it would make liturgies look like hotel conference meetings. “But go ahead and try, if that’s what you really want. It sure would be courageous. You’ll enjoy the fallout.” He’s knows me, darn him.
I didn’t know what to do. Frankly, I’d rather do a Chester and EAT a biretta than get between the chancery ideologues, the McSwiney** crowd, and Fr. Tommy and the younger guys with their maniples. So, I punted. “Let’s hear from the presbyterate,” I said, hoping they’d just handle it for me like a liturgical jury and get me off the hook.
Well, they did. Ninety percent at least, more probly – even Fr. Jerry who once held a yoga retreat in the sanctuary said a firm “nope”. Chad “Jazz Hands” Mallory stood up and rejected it outright saying that, yeah, he sort of agrees with the goal but right now it would tear things apart. Fr. Axel, who’s so progressive he tried to baptize a rescue ferret last year, stood up and said, “This is neither pastoral nor sensible. It’s just ugly.” Naturally “Just Call Me Bruce”*** was all for it but he was glared into retreat by the boys.
Fr. Tommy, God bless him and the young guys, they did their work.
Ah, yes—the sandwiches for the meeting. Who decided on humus and elfalfa sprouts? Msgr. Hubble took a bite and whispered to me “This tastes like penance.” Fr. Biggins, who’s been on a diet since Vatican I, tossed his into a ficus pot.
In the end, I walked out relieved, though starving, and fully aware Dozer will be on me soon. I’ll practice my deep listening face, as Sr. Randi calls it, and take him out to Razzo’s for some shrimp scampi.
This should all blow over by the September convocation.
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*Bp. Antuninu “Dozer” Ruspe is in the neighboring Diocese of Pie Town. +F. Atticus often copies what his old classmate Dozer does to his parishes. Not called “Dozer” for nothing, he consolidated in a program called “That They May All Be One”.
**Msgr McSwiney is rector of “Spirit and Truth” Cathedral.
***Fr. “Just Call Me Bruce” Hugalot is community animator (“pastor) at Sing A New Faith Community Into Being Faith Community.
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Am I picking up the first signs of the conversion of Bp. Fatty?!? Seems like the “grudge against beauty” is striking a flint that could ignite a flame!
The draft of the letter by the bishop is very interesting. I learned many things, for instance, the existence of “stackable ciboria.” Also that “searching for the faintest dust particles on a patten misses an authentic understanding of the accidents and substance of the Eucharist,” and that “Listening without reading along in a missal has greater potential to more fully engage us in the Liturgy,” and that “the use of vestiture for the chalice and patten or for the ciboria similarly lessens the power of symbolic meal.”
“The purification of sacred vessels can also take place at a side table rather than at the altar.” I have lived in various countries, and I have never ever seen this practice.
Also, first time to read against the use of missal stand, although in many places is not used.