From “The Private Diary of Bishop F. Atticus McButterpants” – 26-09-22

September 22nd, 2026

Dear Diary,

Had Mass at St. Aloysius last Sunday. It’s part of that new merger into the Living Stones Catholic Collaborative.  It’s getting damn complicated to remember the changes.  As Fr. Tommy muttered at the last meeting we might as well call it One Bread Many Buildings. Because we have the parishes in that mandatory Synodal Listening Encounter process Fr. Gilbert slapped up a homily for me about accompaniment, listening, and building bridges. Good stuff but somehow he lost it on the way so I had to improvise.

Not entirely sure what happened. I was tired, breakfast was rushed.  So I’m in the church hall downstairs where they put out vestments and got the servers dressed and Fr. O’Rourke says they they tried confessions before Mass but he was going to stop because nobody believes in that anymore.   Anyway, when it was time for the homily and I was running out of funny stories I spotted one of the confessionals, the old kind like at SnT* like Tommy spiffed up that made McSwiney so pissed off, and I joked that it was a mistake for Fr to cancel because going to confession is the only place where admitting you did it gets you a lighter sentence.  Then, I don’t know what happened, maybe my blood sugar was low, and told them they ought to go to confession.  I said something about “mortal” sin and something about “judgment” and even “hell”.  It was like what I memorized a zillion years ago from the Balt Catechism all rushed back.  I can’t believe I even said receiving communion while knowing you’re in mortal sin is bad.  It’s like I had a stroke or something.  It got really quiet in there and I figured I really stepped in it.  This morning O’Rourke called. 48 for confession last night.  Took forever.  He called up Billy at St Rita’s if he could drive over and help.  Lots of them said it was from what I said. Apparently a couple asked about getting their marriage straightened out and one young men wanted to talk about seminary.

Then the communications girl called. Someone posted a recording with one of those damn phones on the internet!  Jude called and  said, “Well done, Atticus.”  You could hear the grin over the phone which made me grind my teeth.  I dread what Dozer will say.  He’ll call, for sure.  Or the Noonch!  What if word gets to him that I hinted people were sinners?  Then Tommy just happened to drop in.  Yah right.  He was grinning.  “You said people need confession more than they need another committee.’”  “I did not.”   He played the recording.  I did.  So right away I told the comm girl to put out a statement to downplay the sin thing.  She said she’s gonna say that my remarks should not be interpreted “outside the diocesen synodal framework”.  Sounds great.  When we have the priest convocation I’ll tell them to lay off the sin thing from the pulpit ’cause once was enough for now and we have the synod stuff going on which has priority.

From now on Gilbert has to make two copies of the homily.

Meatloaf for lunch today the kind where you bake it with some ketchup on top. It was pretty good but I left a chunk for Chester.  And there were potatoe chips.  It was kinda like being back at lunch time at St Philomena’s with the sisters with those rulers and the old catechism questions.  HA!

*Libville’s “Spirit and Truth” Cathedral is really St. Telesphorus. They didn’t want Telesphorus after he was removed from the calendar in 1970 so they called it “Spirit and Truth” because Fatty’s predecessor wanted the cathedral rectory’s engraved silverware and place settings to have the same initials, ST for Saint Telephrous. The rector at S and T is still Msgr. Seamus Patrick McSwiney (aka “The Irish Setter”), still there from Fatty’s predecessor. His overarching strategy in pastoral life is to do as much nothing as possible.  He is not going to be there much longer… maybe.