Little Red Riding Hood (Has a Gun)

Sometimes whimsical retellings of old yarns appear, such as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

Here’s something amusing from the NRA Family page.

Little Red Riding Hood (Has a Gun)

Here are a couple excerpts:

wolfOnce upon a time, there was a young lady who lived with her parents at the edge of a wood. Her mother made her a riding cloak of red velvet, which she wore all winter long, so the people in her village called her Little Red Riding Hood.

One New Year’s day, Red awoke to learn that her grandmother wasn’t feeling well. She and her mother put together a basket of food to bring through the woods to her cottage, which lay on the other side.

Red loved the woods, and was happy to walk through them. Usually, there would only be the sunlight and the squirrels, but there was a dark side to the wood. There were shadows, there were beasts, and there could be danger. One birthday not long ago, Red was given her very own rifle and lessons on how to use it—just in case—to be sure that she would always be safe. So, with a kiss from her mother, rifle over her shoulder and a basket for her Grandmother in her hands, Red took a deep breath and entered the woods.

[…]

“I don’t talk to strangers,” Red replied, never straying from her path.

The wolf followed along, staying in the shelter of the trees, trying to get Red to respond. As she grew increasingly uncomfortable, she shifted her rifle so that it was in her hands and at the ready. The wolf became frightened and ran away.

[…]

Taking Grandmother by surprise, the wolf easily pushed past her and into her cottage. Grandmother turned so she was face-to-face with the wolf inside her cottage.

“What big eyes you have,” Grandma gasped as she backed away.

“The better to see you with,” replied the wolf.

“What big ears you have,” She turned, with her back to the door.

“The better to hear you with,” the wolf said, coming ever closer.

“What big teeth you have!” Grandma said, as his fierce jaws came near.

“The better to eat you with!” the wolf threatened.

The wolf leaned in, jaws open wide, then stopped suddenly. Those big ears heard the unmistakable sound of a shotgun’s safety being clicked off. Those big eyes looked down and saw that grandma had a scattergun aimed right at him. He realized that Grandmother hadn’t been backing away from him; she had been moving towards her shotgun to protect herself and her home.

“I don’t think I’ll be eaten today,” said Grandma, “and you won’t be eating anyone again.”

[…]

 

Please share!
Share

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
This entry was posted in Going Ballistic, Lighter fare. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Little Red Riding Hood (Has a Gun)

  1. Justalurkingfool says:

    God bless, Grandma.

  2. Suburbanbanshee says:

    Two strong female protagonists, doing it for themselves. Obviously liberals and feminists will love this version of the story!

    Right?

    Right??

  3. DonL says:

    Heard muttered by a pack member at the wolf’s funeral, “dang gun-clingers.”

  4. SKAY says:

    The wolf must have assumed Grandma’s house would be a gun free zone.

  5. pray4truth says:

    Great story and example of #2265 from the CCC! There are a lot of wolves out there. Thanks for posting, Fr. Z!

  6. RichR says:

    The wolf was clearly marginalized by society and not given equal opportunity.

  7. Chris Garton-Zavesky says:

    Wolves for Gun Control!

  8. Grumpy Beggar says:

    Somehow, I can’t quite see that particular image – of the wolf with his mouth wide open over the muzzle of granny’s shotgun, making it into the pile of those slides of endangered species which were being projected onto the wall of the vatican recently . . .even though the climate absolutely did change the moment the wolf discovered granny had a shotgun : The hunter became the hunted.

    That’s what you get for trying to prey on the elderly.

  9. makreitzer says:

    Of course Grandma had a gun. Who do you think taught Red how to shoot?

  10. Sword40 says:

    Go Granny, go. (is it an auto loader?)

  11. pseudomodo says:

    Little Red “Rid’n Shotgun” Hood!

  12. jaykay says:

    Heh heh heh!! Like it. It reminds me of the great Roald Dahl’s “Revolting Rhymes”:

    http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/little-red-riding-hood-and-the-wolf/

    And Little RRH even ends up with a bonus, of an habilimentary nature…