“The Traddy-Ban captures Rome”

From the inimitable Eccles

The Traddy-Ban captures Rome

Catholics worldwide have been stunned by the news that the Tradi-ban is now occupying Rome, led by the triumvirate of Bar-Golio, Pah-Rolin, and Ahfah-Roche. Last night Rome was full of Tradi-Ban troops singing the victory anthem “Trads Cussed”.
Sadly, nobody suspected that when President Bidenict XVI withdrew his forces in 2013, the brutal forces of Tradi-ban would soon be able to take over and occupy the eternal city and from there rule the entire land of Catholistan.

“Someone’s singing Salve Regina! Send in the elite Swiss Guard commandos.”

With the Tradi-ban in power, there will be many new restrictions on the rights of Catholics – and in particular, they will be deprived of freedom of worship. Women will be told how to dress: mantillas and long dresses are out, and they will be forced to wear the soulless uniform dictated by Bar-Goglio, namely, bergos (crop tops and yoga pants).
President Bidenict has so far not commented on the Tradi-ban coup, and at his advanced age he now spends most of his time sleeping and eating ice-cream. However, there has been criticism worldwide of his hasty withdrawal, which left many Catholics in danger of persecution.

The Tradi-ban’s forces fail to destroy a strategic target.

All is not lost, however. Political commentators such as Max Beans, Lamb Chop, and Tom Risible have welcomed the Tradi-ban as finally bringing Catholistan kicking and screaming into the 1970s. And we know how seriously people take their views.

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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  1. robtbrown says:

    Perhaps the voice on the other end of the phone is saying: It’s Stage Four.

  2. TonyO says:

    President Bidenict has so far not commented on the Tradi-ban coup, and at his advanced age he now spends most of his time sleeping and eating ice-cream.

    That’s delightful. Don’t forget that he makes sure to wear the proper religious headgear (mask) that’s required for public events when talking to other leaders on the phone.

    finally bringing Catholistan kicking and screaming into the 1970s.

    ooohhh, that’s delicious. We have experienced something like a cross between the awful feeling of watching a car crash in slow motion, and the schadenfreude of an ultimate “I told you so” as we witness “with it,” cool, hipster bishops (and even popes) finally come forward and announce their approval of … 80-year old “science” that the scientific community has since rejected. I wonder whether the crop-tops and yoga pants will have to be in the colors of olive and harvest gold, too.

  3. prayfatima says:

    Oh this is very funny.

    Another caption for the phone picture:
    “They seem upset with me. Something about wanting to pray in their churches again, I don’t really understand. Who do they think I am, the leader of the Catholic Church?”

  4. maternalView says:

    How do I know that the Traditionalists will outlast the modernist Catholic wing? The Traditionalists, though small in number, have the priests who will fight and persevere using all the “weapons” they have in their arsenal like oh, the sacraments, prayers, devotions, etc etc etc. They will lead. What’s the other side got? They don’t even believe.

  5. david-oneill3 says:

    Is it not possible for thousands of individuals to contact the Holy Father with our concerns about this (IMHO) totally uncalled for decision? Whilst admitting that there are some traditionalist Catholics who decry the Ordinary Form Mass it has to be said that the vast majority do not and, in my case, I attend an Ordinary Form Mass each Saturday & an Extraordinary Form Mass on Sunday. The only time most of us complain is when we see Masses such as Clown Masses or Masses celebrated on roller skates.

  6. Liz says:

    Rabbit Hole but it sounds so serious about Cardinal Burke, Father. Would you please post something about how critical it seems to be? That way more people can be reminded to pray and sacrifice for this holy man.

  7. Archlaic says:

    As a former Indultista I had many skirmishes with the ecclesiastical pirates of the Tradi-ban in my youth. Vicious, narrow-minded, vindictive zealots, trapped in the mindset of a benighted age! However, the experience did teach me how to distinguish a terrorist from a liturgist…

    (I assume everyone here knows the punchline!)

  8. Pingback: The Traddy-Ban captures Rome | Catholicism Pure & Simple

  9. pjm88 says:

    “General Order 66”

  10. Semper Gumby says:

    There were plenty of Catholics, Protestants and Jews from dozens of countries who righteously crushed the Taliban regime in 2001 and the Saddam Hussein regime in 2003, and who would happily crush the Bacha bazi regime in Rome today.

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