April 20th, 2023
Dear Diary,
Someone from some subcommittee or other of the USCCB came and gave a presentation. It was supposed to be for me, the priest council, and the clergy who are on my finance council. One of the guys on my finance council is a deacon, Jack – former CFO of some huge corporation. He has a massive estate over Spring Lake, with the private island. Fr. Tommy said I should have let him sit in, but the guy from the USCCB said they meant only priests, not lay deacons. The presentation started out decent. All the good things we’re doing here and I was smiling pretty broadly. Then it went sideways. He got into a whole thing on numbers and statistics, which always make my eyes glaze over. The bottom line was pretty scary. He said that our numbers are shrinking, particularly what he called our “donor class” those wealthy old folks who blindly give money to the Church. He said the younger rich are both less religious and are demanding transparency. He said we’re not really good at that. I objected that I tell Dcn Jack – well, he tells me – to put out a statement every year! It’s like I hadn’t said anything. Instead, he said we need to do a major push now to get as much as we can from those old folks before they pass away, in order to “secure our ministerial future.” Makes sense.
After a break with huge submarine sandwiches from Jenny’s Deli, we talked about names for this fund drive. Billy, in a bad mood, suggested we call it “Shearing the Sheep Before Bad Weather Sets in,” but Fr Tommy said that we might as well shorten it to “Fleecing the Flock.” The conference flunky said it should be some scripture phrase and it should be positive and forward-looking, happy sounding. Rich suggested seriously “Turn These Stones into Bread” symbolizing how people’s money could be turned into something useful, but then Tommy – always a snappy comment – pointed out who said that in the Gospel. We agreed that that might be distracting. We settled on, “A Future Full of Hope,” which came from Marv. The flunky then contacted a corporation other bishops use that’s good at this sort of thing. We agreed to their usual 30% contract. Once the design committee comes up with the catchy logo and materials, video ideas, we’ll roll it out this Fall. Another problem solved!
After the meeting, a bunch of us went out to that steakhouse down by the river. Their chateaubriand is to die for. Twelve of us there, too. Billy mumbled “Last Supper!” But things won’t get that bad. No matter what we’ll still be able to go out.
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I laughed so hard I threw up.
Starting to hit a little close to home. Our local iteration just reached its fundraising target.
You know, it really is amazing to me how many problems real transparency would solve. This secrecy that surrounds chanceries and the Vatican itself is so much more harmful than it is good.
How timely. Got this a couple of days ago from our diocese. Here’s the beginning: “As many of you know, I often have the privilege of driving around our diocese to meet with Catholics about their giving and support to their parish, school or the Diocese of Austin. These meetings are a tremendous opportunity to pray together and talk about the legacy they want to leave the Catholic Church.
A recent meeting was extraordinarily powerful. My colleague, Dan Wierzbowski, and I met with a couple who had decided years ago to leave their estate to the diocese. “
“A Future Full of Hope” – excellent choice if the good bishop is looking for the next step in his career. Sounds like “Faith in Our Future,” which was a real life campaign in my archdiocese from about 15+ years ago. (Now we’ve got “Love One Another”). The guy who did the Faith in Our Future campaign now has a red hat and could be considered to be the head of the Church in the US. (In fact, I often wondered if he was the model for Bishop McB).
I laughed at “lay deacon” until I remembered that there are those around here that refer to deacons as laymen….and then I just shook my head. And boy does this “bishop” like to eat! Corpulence and gluttony at its finest!
Our funding scheme ends later this year after several years gathering in funds – falling far short of the goal.
FWIW, my “widow’s mite” contributions to the Archdiocesan appeal always get earmarked to support the seminary and the fund for retired priests/religious residing in the Arch in their twilight years…our sem is strong (praise God) and overflowing, so no troubles with supporting these men in formation, and as for the retirees, well…someone has to take care of flock that’s put out to pasture, right?
I read this with a grin. However, as usual, my overly curious brain acted up and thought of real life concerns.
Hence I must ask a question:
What are the prices like at Jenny’s Deli?
Here on the left hand side of the United States, we received a letter from my wife’s parish that the diocese is holding a campaign called “Called to Renew”. They’re looking — diocese wide — for half a billion dollars. That’s with a “b” as in “bishop”. It seems they’re going to “renew our parishes, schools, and invest in Catholic ministries (sic) and programs . . . .”
Boy, howdy. I can hardly wait.
(Although . . . didn’t we already get renewed 30 or 40 years ago?)
Funniest one yet. When I stopped sending money to the diocese a while back, the archdiocese had some obvious professional marketer who was really good in trying to persuade me to keep giving. She only made one mistake that lost her, when she said: “you know Archbishop is close to Pope Francis.” They are worth the 30% considering how well they fleece the flock and terrorize pastors (I only gave initially because my pastor begged parishioners to give after being threatened by another employee of the same company that the diocese would punish the parish if the did not meet their contribution requirement ). I was wondering why the checks were going to Massachusetts when I live in the Midwest.
“Turn These Stones Into Bread” would have been fitting.
This hits really close to home…
Once the campaign starts, of course, +Atticus will assess each parish a given amount. If a pastor knows what is good for himself, he will meet that assessment. That means further cutbacks for parish life.
Is this satire or mere reportage? Years ago in our diocese, our rulers started the “Catholic Sharing Appeal.” I called it “Shearing A People.” They didn’t need the money. The Bishop spent more money on his own comfort and amusements than was hoped to be raised from the program. There was some idea that the effort would not only provide more money for them to play with, but also would have a community-building effect. Unfortunately, the defects and excesses of the lifestyles of the Bishop and his familiars created a community with a disposition rather the opposite of what they had hoped for.
Don’t know whether it’s a coincidence or not but…is the +McB character lifted (or cloned?) from Bishop Cesare in “The Lavender Mafia”? Or is it that many are cut from the same cloth (with FEW exceptions)?
My dad said that you can gauge the measure of a man just by shaking his hand and looking him in the eye. Very few bishops I’ve met have been able to look anyone in the eye (or have a firm handshake). Pretty sure +McB would be among the limp handshake crowd.
This one stung a little more than the others. It’s too true…
At our local church here in good Ol’ Blighty (ha, suck it ‘Muricans, you have Cupich but we… Er… Damn, had Roche. Checkmate.) we have another drive for the building fund. £400,000 for one parish to replace the Grade II listed concrete mullions from the good old 1960s. Sheesh. It’s an ugly church.
Honestly, why the need for “themes”?
In DC, along with a new theme every year, they followed the theme with “The Cardinal’s Appeal”
This was set aside when it started sounded like legal proceedings.
Now they have jettisoned any mention of the men in scarlet. It’s just the “Annual Diocesan Appeal”
No one is fooled, or troubled.
Funny, not funny. A little too on the mark.
Tzbaiega, Being from Massachusetts, you have confirmed what I have suspected for some years. Massachusetts is probably the Accounting office where money goes before a couple of doves fly it over to Rome. Or is it a couple of vultures.
Why not an annual or semi-annual golf tournament with lots of corporate sponsorships? +Atticus and Tommy could shape up and take lessons, get in better health. Same with other clergy. Seminarians could be treated with special sponsors and learn a useful sport in their studies, instead of doing CPE. No need for any theological logo or long speech by +Atticus, just have a fun day of sport.