From “The Private Diary of Bishop F. Atticus McButterpants” – 24-05-12 – Bp. Fatty v. Confirmations

I trust the readership will understand that while I was on my recent Roman Sojourn, I was unable to frequent the usual series of secret dead drops. Therefore collection of entries from the diary were suspended. It is good to do that once in a while anyway, just to relieve any suspicions. Hopefully, we can get the flow of entries going again.


May 12th, 2024

Dear Diary,

Confirmations coming up. Gave out even more delegations to our priests this season for confirmations, since I still gotta conserve my energy. “Long Covid” they said….all I know is that I’m already pooped halfway through the day. Some days I wake up pooped. I feel like Chester looks.

Sure missing my mom on Mother’s Day. Whenever I was sick she’d march me upstairs and put me to bed and bring me all the best stuff — her soups were amazing, and I could have hot tea with honey and arrow root cookies, toast slathered with marjarine and cinnamon, you name it.

But I’m looking forward to getting out to at least some parishes. All those young folks in our great programs.  Well, not much makes me feel better than to wisk that great smelling chrism oil onto their foreheads and say “Receive the seal of the Holy Spirit!”

I know God will look out for these kids. They are so committed to their faith. Sister Randi said she had a lot of them “disappear” on her the last few years once they were confirmed, but that’s probably still just a Covid thing too. Last year was great – not too many kids but the ones who showed up were really into their faith.

Fr. Tommy kept shoving the book in front of me and stabbing his finger at the page.  Like I’ve never done these things before?  I’m the bishop, for crying out loud!  He’s also coughing up a storm again.  This year I’m taking Fr. Gilbert with me instead.

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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10 Comments

  1. Gregg the Obscure says:

    “toast slathered with” . . . a word containing m, r, j, and n led my tired eyes to a more contemporary conclusion iykwimaityd.

  2. Not says:

    Careful Father Tommy, Pope Francis says you are into Liturgical Quibbling.

  3. mweidlick says:

    I thought for sure he’d have some remark about not having to slap the youngsters on the cheek. Probably felt like it was abuse.

  4. hwriggles4 says:

    I had to laugh about the shoving the book during Mass. I was an altar boy (1980s) and oftentimes the priest would finish a smoke a few minutes prior to Mass. You got a whoof of smoke breath in those days!

  5. An Old Historian says:

    Our dear Bishop found his poor eternal spirit, with all its confusion, uncertainties, and misleading signals from every direction in a place of peace for meditation probably at least a daydream of Holy Hour alone with a Monstrance set aglow by the Holy Eucharist’s Real Presence of the. Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ.
    I hope he recognized the Holy Spirit’s help in finding a bit of reawakened true understanding of the Holy Sacraments!
    Yes, folks, the Bishop is fictional, but his gradual return to his Apostolic Canonization, gives us call to pray that all clerics find the “TRUTH” in the “LOGOS” of St. John’s Gospel.
    Hey, I received a death sentence of AML Leukemia ages days ago, but I’m putting St. Michael and St. John through the hurdles!

  6. Saint110676 says:

    No mention about the confirmation names being taken. I was amazed at how many boys took the name “Sebastian” since he is the patron saint of athletes, at the last confirmaiton I was at, not far from the mid-west see of +Atticus. At least the confirmands were aware of the existence of saints. Maybe not all but a few.
    I also know that more and more bishops are delegating this responsibility. Are they all that busy? This is one of the few times most folks in the parish get to see thier bishop. I remember in my youth that the neighboring priests would join in the procession and join the bishop in the rectory for a repast (this is at the time confirmations were in the Evening and took place followed by Solemn Benediction).

  7. Suburbanbanshee says:

    Sorry to hear this, Old Historian.

  8. Suburbanbanshee says:

    I will pray for you.

  9. An Old Historian says:

    Suburbanbanshee,
    I thank you for your prayers.
    One error I made is that diagnoses was eight days ago at that time.

  10. Discipula says:

    @An Old Historian

    Sorry this is tardy, I hope you see this. Many years ago while going through chemo this prayer helped me tremendously. This is the Prayer of St. Bernadette:

    O My God, I beg you, by Your loneliness, not that You may spare me affliction, but that You may not abandon me in it.

    When I encounter affliction, teach me to see You in it as my sole comforter.

    Let affliction strengthen my faith, fortify my hope, and purify my love.

    Grant me the grace to see Your hand in my affliction, and to desire no other comforter but You. Amen.

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