QUAERITUR: bridesmaids and mantillas: yes or no?

From a reader:

Hello. My sister is getting married in March in an Ordinary Form Mass and I am a bridesmaid. I wear a chapel veil when I go to Mass, whether I assist in the Ordinary or Extraordinary Form.

My question: is there traditionally a "correct" headcovering for a bridesmaid?

Should I wear one of the small, circular veils that sits atop the head, as opposed to a longer (eg, shoulder length) veil? Should the bride be the only woman in the wedding party wearing an actual veil? (I will be the only woman other than the bride who will be wearing a hair covering at the Mass.)
 
Sorry if this is a crazy question! Thank you so much for your assistance.

It is not a crazy question, but I can’t give you an answer about "traditionally correct" in this case.  I simply don’t know what women did about this, "back in the day".

His dictis, I cannot see how a woman wearing a chapel veil in a Catholic Church is a bad thing or wrong or "incorrect".

I suppose you can argue that were such an apparition be so foreign in some parishes to provoke spasms and cause others to bleed from the eyes at the very sight, then it might be a good idea not to put it on.

Work this out with the bride and then let us know what you decided to do.

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65 Responses to QUAERITUR: bridesmaids and mantillas: yes or no?

  1. hmmmm, just my opinion, but her mantilla should be simpler than the bride’s I’m guessing.

  2. Jess says:

    A search in the Life photo archive for “Catholic Wedding” turns up these results:

    http://images.google.com/images?q=catholic+wedding&q=source%3Alife

    It’s a bit hard to make out, but it looks like the bridesmaids are wearing small hats – probably based on then-current styles.

    Personally, I’d wear something that won’t draw attention to you. Would you be comfortable with a wide headband in a fabric and shade matching your dress?

  3. Geoffrey says:

    What if the other bridesmaids don’t cover their heads… would that “throw everything off”?

  4. JlovesR says:

    Check pictures from the 50’s and early 60’s. The ladies in the wedding party always had some type of heading covering, usually a small hat with flowers or a round chapel veil with flowers. It seems the bridesmaids did not wear long veils. But check around you might find something interesting that would work.

  5. Chris M says:

    My wedding in the EF only had a maid of honor and yes, she wore a mantilla.

  6. Timbot says:

    Personally, I am more partial to the shoulder-length Mantilla, which bears both a resemblance to historical head coverings and veils, and also mimics the form of human hair, rather than the “head coasters” that seem almost entirely a US or Irish invention of the 19th century.

    See from 1:30 to 1:50
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Px9CyYAI5c
    Blackadder rules!

  7. Ana Maria says:

    This is not the same situation but my mom wore a mantilla to my wedding(Ordinary Form). It is similar in pattern to my wedding veil although it wasn’t a concerted effort. Anyway, if I were the bride I wouldn’t mind anyone else, guest or wedding party, wear one. It is prudent advice though to work it out with the bride first especially if you are in the wedding party.

  8. Sandra in Severn says:

    Traditional Roman Catholic married laywoman sounding in; within my family, going back to at least the 1890s, the brides all wore full veils, sometimes these were as long as their dress trains, or as short as fingertip length. Their female attendants either wore small hats as were the style, or chapel veils attached to a comb or circlet decorated with ribbons or flowers that the veil after the Mass was later detached.

  9. Thomas says:

    My mom’s bridesmaids wore little hats in 1958. Bride and groom still healthy and happy at 50 years, BTW.

  10. mary martha says:

    I think it all really depends on how you define “back in the day”. I do know in the 50s bridesmaids wore hats that were typical of the time – some with small veils.

  11. Claire Traas says:

    This was a dilemma I faced when planning my own wedding as I always wear a headcovering to Church but none of my friends & family do. The wedding was in the Extraordinary Form and we tried to keep it simple with just a Best Man & a Maid of Honor. I wanted my maid of honor to wear a head covering, and she agreed to do so just for the wedding. I considered many ideas. There was the mantilla option, but finding one in a color that matched the maid of honor’s dress would be difficult, plus neither of us is Spanish nor Italian, and she felt really weird wearing one. We are both Polish, and most women in our great grandmothers’ generation wore hats and simple headscarves. So we thought about hats. It’s really hard to find a decent millner these days, and we walked all through New York City’s hat shops trying to find just the right hat. They were all either really expensive, or not appropriate for the occasion.

    My Maid of Honor found her bridesmaid dress at a thrift shop, it is blue and sort of retro-looking, so we decided to do something similar to a cocktail or pillbox hat, which you can easily make yourself. We took a rose, a small fragment of blue hydrangea, and some baby’s breath and wrapped the stems in wet floral foam and covered it with florist’s tape. Then, we glued the flowers to a small, round piece of blue netting and attached a comb. If you don’t want to use fresh flowers, you can sometimes find pillbox hats at thrift stores or perhaps make your own. Usually you wear such a hat with your hair in an updo, unless your hair is very short, and the placement is slightly off-center.

    I’ve been to other weddings, where there were six or seven bridesmaids, all with their hair up, and one bridesmaid had pinned a round black chapel cap to her head, which is probably what I would do if I were in a large bridal party and the only one who insisted on wearing a headcovering. She didn’t really stand out, but she stayed true to her conscience. I actually had said bridesmaid approach me after the wedding and thank me for wearing my chapel veil, as she felt less uncomfortable.

  12. Jenny Z says:

    She should talk to the bride, and see what the bride thinks. A cute hat that matches the bridesmaids dresses might be more to the bride’s liking, depending on her traditional leanings. :)

  13. Genna says:

    Back in those days the headgear of bridesmaids was a cocktail or pillbox hat or, as is known today, a fascinator – a modest confection of artificial flowers, ribbons or feathers with a tiny veil attached. The alternative was a circlet of fresh or artificial flowers. If you can’t find a pillbox hat get a generous friend to buy a small, but classy round box of chocs and use the lid as a base.

  14. Clara says:

    My bridesmaids wore chapel veils at my wedding. I selected and purchased the veils for them, and I thought they looked very pretty indeed. None of my bridesmaids were the sort who would have chosen to wear veils on their own, but they were all excellent sports about it when I requested that they were them.

    Though I didn’t think much about this at the time, I suppose it’s true that their veils were rather simpler than mine. Mine was floor-length and theirs were much smaller. But I wasn’t terribly worried about being “upstaged.” After all, I was easily distinguishable as the only one in an elaborate white dress, whereas they all wore simpler green dresses with their smaller white veils. Obviously I’m biased, but I thought this arrangement of white and green (and also yellow, which was the color of our bouquets) was very charming for a summer wedding.

    Anyway, I don’t know the whole history of bridesmaid attire, but I think lace veils are a very lovely adornment for bridesmaids. However, if you are the bridesmaid and not the bride, it’s true that you should ultimately defer to your sister’s wishes. Make suggestions if you like, but don’t be difficult. Normally the couple wants the wedding party to match and it’s hard to bring that about if people are laying down too many demands. When I’ve been a bridesmaid, I’ve reminded the bride early (in a non-confrontational way) that I need to wear something appropriately modest for church, but otherwise I’ve submitted to whatever pleases her.

  15. Ann says:

    In most weddings the bridesmaids wore hats. That was the case with my mom’s wedding in 1952.

  16. Jim says:

    And the gemtlemen carried their top hats under their arms

  17. Michael Lavey says:

    My Aunt was married in the early 70s just before women stopped wearing head coverings all together. Her brides maids wore simple hats made out of a mesh fabric which matched the gown. They had some baby’s breath attached to them also.

    Personally, I would think about just getting a white chapel cap (the small round ones) and dying it the color of the dress. You wouldn’t really stick out then.

  18. Anna Jean says:

    Jim confuses secular fashion trends with Church tradition as regards proper attire. Yawn.

  19. Alessandro says:

    I think it may be would be better (or more suitable to the occasion) to wear a hat for ladies if it is not appropriate in the given context a veil (but why not? provided that it is white for those not married, and black for the others – married or widows-)

  20. therese b says:

    Have checked back to my parents’ wedding (1942 – arranged in three weeks as Dad had posting to Africa, all clothing coupons stolen two weeks prior), and sisters’ weddings (early/mid 1960’s). A substantial decorated headband (covering about two breadths of a normal alice band – sort of like two wide plastic headbands joined at an angle, and decorated), or large slide (with silk flowers, pearls etc standing out – like a well anchored understated “fascinator” that you often see as part of a bride’s headdress) but NO actual veil was worn by the bridesmaids. For eldest sister’s wedding in December, we wore fur headbands, and matching muff. About the same percentage of head was covered as one of those dinky little orange-segment 50’s hats – say 25%. This obviously satisfied the requirements then. 1940s – bride and maid wore longish sleeves, and sweetheart decollete (think heart-shaped bodice). 60s – shortish cup sleeves, long gloves, and peter pan collar with princess line dress. No “hipbath” topless gowns then. My mother would NEVER have dressed anyone immodestly for a wedding, so these would be safe and authentic. Or go like Grandma with a UFO size Edwardian picture hat, hiding all of Grandad’s face apart from his magnificent moustache.

  21. therese b says:

    PS I don’t know how I managed to cross through part of my text like that. I didn’t mean to.

  22. ALL: Be careful how you use hyphens.

  23. josephus muris saliensis says:

    1) there is no norm or standard, as all the detail of wedding clothing depends entirely on which country you are form, and probably in the United States, varied from state to sate depending on their religious cultural heritage.

    2) in the “old days” as you like to day,

  24. mcitl says:

    It is not whether heads should or should not be covered that is the most pressing issue with regard to weddings. Is it not rather whether shoulders will be covered or not?

    First things first…

  25. josephus muris saliensis says:

    (sorry hit wrong key)

    1) there is no norm or standard, as all the detail of wedding clothing depends entirely on which country you are form, and probably in the United States, varied from state to sate depending on their religious cultural heritage.

    2) in the “old days” as you like to day, EVERY WOMAN was required to cover her head. indeed, it seems, absurdly, that this rule was never actually removed, but simply perceived to have been so.

  26. Gravitas says:

    Put it on and set a good example.

    When we had our traditional wedding, we knew much of it would be foreign even to our “Catholic” families. We knew much would actually anger them even (length of the Mass, veils, etc.)

    But what it comes down to is, you don’t have many opportunities to evangelize like this. Take advantage of it.

  27. Kradcliffe says:

    Just ask the bride and do what she wants. You may be able to do something with some flowers and a small headpiece or wee pillbox hat. But, if the bride doesn’t want it, let it go.

    Just hope she doesn’t make you wear a ghastly dress.

  28. Dove says:

    As Therese B said, we would often wear something like a headband. It could be a flat bow made of the same fabric as the dress and attached to with bobby pins which should not be seen, or it could be attached to a headband which also should not be seen.

  29. Mitch says:

    I guess on her wedding day the bride is as equal to the Pope on what is appropriate during Mass…To Whom should we really defer???

  30. Kradcliffe says:

    I wasn’t aware that the Pope has expressed an opinion on the attire of bridesmaids. Covering one’s head in church is a very good thing. I wish it were still required. But, it is not still required and so it’s not something I’d want to fight with the bride about. I’d ask her, I’d look for some compromise, but I wouldn’t push it to the point she was vexed.

  31. Garrett says:

    It may be just a personal idiosyncrasy, but I find the small, little round chapel veils somewhat defeat the point of covering one’s head. Isn’t it primarily to shield prying eyes from a woman’s hair, which for a man can often be distracting? Isn’t wearing a veil in fact done so as to *veil* oneself? The small little chapel veils that barely cover anything at all seem sometimes to me to be pharisaical (though better than nothing) in that it is an attempt to fulfill the “letter of the law” but perhaps not the spirit.

    That’s why I prefer, over all kinds of mantillas (many of which are of unequaled dignity and beauty) the headscarves more commonly worn amongst women in the Eastern Churches, which are paradoxically both more dignified and less dignified at the same time.

  32. Gravitas says:

    “but I wouldn’t push it to the point she was vexed.”

    Right. Just vex St. Paul …

  33. mysticalrose says:

    Umm . . . this may be an unpopular opinion, but I think it would be rude to where anything that looks like a veil at someone else’s wedding. I vote for a simple chapel cap.

  34. I just had this conversation a few days ago with the bride and groom of the wedding I’m in this summer. It’s an OF wedding with traditional music, and I’m one of seven bridesmaids (but the only one who veils in presence of the Eucharist). For weddings I’ve attended in the congregation, I’ve worn my black veil (so that the bride herself is the only one in white), and I requested to do the same for their wedding, with the offer that I could craft a more subtle headpiece instead if they wished. Their response: We don’t mind. If you want to, go for it. :)

    I pray that you have such an easy resolution to your conundrum.

  35. Kathleen says:

    Just my opinion, ask your sister first. You don’t want to cause a uproar at your sister’s wedding.

    In the photos of my aunts weddings which were in the late 40’s the brides maids wore shoulder length veils. My Mom’s brides maids wore pill box hats with netting that covered their hair. She was married in 1960. Pill box hats were the style of the day but the netting covered their hair as they all had updos.

    My wedding, my sister will wear a veil to her shoulder’s. She fussed a bit until I told her she could wear a tiara or fancy comb with it. I can probably get my niece to wear one. I think it is a lost cause getting all the women to wear them.

    But what really rips me is people that do not show up the the wedding and are already at the bar at the reception. I want to bracelet people at the wedding and have a bouncer at the reception but Mom isn’t biting. Oh well.

  36. TJB says:

    Next month I am the best man in a wedding being celebrated in a very liberal parish where the Priest (among other things) always uses glass Chalices. I can’t see any possible way around it, except that I won’t be receiving the Precious Blood, which I usually don’t anyway. so Im hoping at least to knock a few off purgatory.

  37. Anthony says:

    When in Rome…

  38. Paul says:

    @gravitas: “Just vex St Paul”: presumably you mean by disregarding Romans 14:16-21?

  39. Jane says:

    Since the bride wears a veil, the bridesmaid could wear something like a wide white band covered with artifical flowers. They look very nice and are a sort of little hat. It is the sort of thing that I wore until the late 1960’s untill my mother made a decision based on I don’t know what, that I and my two sisters would not wear hats to Mass anymore. Too bad I liked them.

  40. Mitch says:

    Kradcliffe,

    You are right I do not think the Pope has stated his opinion on the subject either, however I was speaking in terms of “The Papacy” and what I seem to remember is that they are to pass on tradition and guard the Church’s customs…….And if I am correct the use of the veil in Church was tradition and one that was never abrogated or even suppressed….There was an article not long ago about it stating either Church law or what “should be” pertaining to the use of a veil or mantilla, and its’ use in Church either being a disrespected law (like Latin in seminary) or a strongly recommended and endorsed opinion of the Vatican, which the Pope represents and heads (henceforth my comment)…Does anyone remember reading something similiar or knows of the Vatican’s official position…I will stand in correction if need be, if not I stand by my original post….My point was that a Church Wedding Mass is just that, a Church Wedding Mass governed by its’ Authorities, not the Bride…..Does anyone ever ask a Priest what is the correct thing to do in this regard??….I know this will upset many a Bride being told so or of this position but really, you’ve got the rest of the day. Give God and the Church their hour, or is it that horrifying to see a veil other than your own?

  41. Kathleen says:

    Maureen, but look at the faces on the brides maids at Grace Kelly’s Wedding. They look like they are about to cry and so would I if you asked me to wear that little bo peep floppy hat.

    Yes many women wore hats. My mother wore a veil. Her sisters and mother wore both. My grandmother crocheted lace and made beautiful mantilla’s, chapel caps, doilies, table cloths, etc. My grandmother was Irish and they grew up in the German National Parish in Boston. I think it had more to do with personal taste.

    My grandmother even at the end wore a hat or used the scarf she always had during mass.

  42. Maureen says:

    1962, wedding of King Juan Carlos of Spain and Princess Sophia of Greece. More headbands.:

    http://images.google.com/hosted/life/l?imgurl=263994c34d3125c9&q=wedding%20juan%20carlos%20source:life&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dwedding%2Bjuan%2Bcarlos%2Bsource:life%26hl%3Dnl%26sa%3DG

    There were plenty of mantillas at their son’s wedding in 2004 — the real Spanish kind, long and hanging over very tall stand-up combs. Also lots of hats. As it happens, though, the bridesmaids wore full-head snoods. I like snoods.

    http://personales.ya.com/fororeal/photogallery.htm

    Anyway, it doesn’t really matter. Contemporary trad-community fashion, like any other headcovering fashion, is something that people have to make decisions about for themselves. What is the desired aesthetic of the bride? What will look nice with the dress? Can you get lace dyed the right color to go with the bridesmaid dress and shoes? :) You have all of history to draw from for examples. There’s no reason to cramp the bride’s style or your own.

    And hey, you might meet a cute Catholic guy at the reception. :)

  43. Kradcliffe says:

    Mitch: if the pastor of the parish or somebody said that the bridesmaids ought to wear something, then I would say that the bride does not have the final say. But, as it is, there is nobody in authority telling the bridal party what to do, so that would mean that the bride has more of a final say than a bridesmaid. That was my point… it’s her call so there’s no point in pushing the issue to the point where people are upset.

  44. Maureen says:

    Kathleen —
    I grew up in the seventies and saw a good number of big floppy hats on bridesmaids at weddings then and in the eighties. Now we know part of the inspiration! :) And no, I don’t advocate anything. I just instigate. :)

    A lot of sites about bridesmaid outfits advocate using the same colors and/or fabrics even if the dresses or other elements are different. Apparently you can often get swatches or fabric bits from the companies that make your dresses, or of course you can always go troll the fabric stores.

    Advice from a bride site on hat choice:
    http://www.confetti.co.uk/article/view/6057-7580-0-Hats__the_way_to_do_it_Bridesmaids.do

    “A hat should complement your outfit, not overpower it” seems like good advice for any headcovering.

    Thinking further… I’ve seen bridesmaids wear fillets covered with ribbons before. That’s pretty simple and can be made at home, just with ribbons, glue, and some kind of wire or other circlet. You can do that with headbands, also.

  45. Actually, if you notice the photos etc., you will see that the “traditional” practice was for all bridesmaids to dress in exactly the same way. So, as hats are no longer required, if the bridesmaids don’t wear head covering, the “traditional” way to dress is to dress exactly as the others do–no head covering.

    If going without a head-covering is something that in conscience you cannot do, then speak to the bride. She can either let you be different from the others, release you from having to participate, or make all the others cover their heads in some form. Or perhaps surreptitiously take a kleenex and a stick it on the back of your head with a bobby pin–which was what women did in my parish in NY in the 50s and early 60s when they forgot their hats.

    Seriously (sorry for the rabbit hole), as to priests at concelebrated Masses and other clerical functions, I find the idiosyncrasy of wearing vestments that do not match the others, whether personal fashion taste or because the others are not rubrically correct enough, a particularity and affectation. Better not to concelebrate at all rather than call attention to yourself by odd attire.

  46. Gravitas says:

    Paul, quoting Romans 14: 16-21 only shows you don’t understand the issue. You can quote those passages to disprove basically any argument that you don’t agree with.

    Try again.

  47. Mitch says:

    But that is my point…Doesn’t the Church say women ought to be veiled during Mass…Even if the Pastor gives them no direction they should seek it from the proper authority, and it is not the bride….I think that it (the mantilla) is simply just so out of fashion that people do not even know what is the correct thing to do or does the Pastor for that matter…I guess that is why it has been posted here. I know that men are supposed to be dressed accordingly and fashion dictates to us what exactly that is…The long, dress sleeve shirts and suits are still around and that is why we know to use them in Church..Not so for the Mantilla, but ultimately that does not relegate its’ use to the decision of the bride….I am all for not upsetting her on her wedding day but really, is it that upsetting?? I guess the Pope and the Church should speak about this topic again and clear up some of the controversy regarding this issue cause it comes up now and again. I for one wish their was something that a man could use in dress, that is not used in normal, everyday wear that would set us apart as being in worship and as an outward, open sign of faith and reverance…Some type of active participation in preparing to go to Mass..Similar to the yamaka in the Jewish faith….I admire so much the women who do wear them as an outward symbol of what is going on inside as well….I never did understand why men could not wear a fedora or such.. Regardless, I know there is something written from the Vatican on this very issue and I hope someone can find a link…Albeit written perhaps decades ago it has not been abrogated or suppressed….Someone of authority must know the Church’s official position..

  48. Joanne says:

    First, thank you to Fr. Zuhlsdorf for publishing my question. Thank you also to everyone who has offered a response! It has been alot of fun reading what you all had to say.

    The bride knows I am planning on wearing some kind of headcovering. I probably would have regretfully excused myself from being in the wedding party if she objected. I think she just doesn’t know what to expect in terms of what kind of covering I will choose. Just for a gag, maybe I’ll email her those photos of the real Spanish mantillas above and ask her how she thinks I’d look in one… ;)

    I’m leaning toward “headcoaster” because it’s an acceptable compromise – my head is still covered, but a little piece of fabric just seems a bit more discreet than an actual chapel veil. If anyone knows of an online merchant that sells the small round veils, I’d be grateful if you could pass that information along.

    But, quite honestly, real veil could still win. It would be black, to match the black satin dress I’m wearing, and of course simpler than the bride’s, so I think that is still reasonable. Hats I’m not sure about. I don’t have great luck with them generally, and it seems they could be as much simply about a look one is going for as they are a sign of reverence.

    Thank you again so much, everyone, for your input!

  49. TerryN says:

    Why not go the NY Hassidic way and wear a wig to follow the “cover your head” rule? If it is that much of an issue, she better work it out with the bride – after all, it is her day.

  50. TerryN says:

    Sorry Joanne – I didn’t notice your comment – as long as your sister knows you want to have a head covering, it seems all that is needed is her approval on what you choose.

  51. Claire Traas says:

    It’s unfortunate that it’s so hard to find decent, modest bridal wear and appropriate headcoverings. We need more Catholics in the clothing industry to re-introduce modesty into the world of secular fashion.

    As to the people who say wearing a veil to a Wedding Mass is upstaging the bride, we had lots of women in the pews at my wedding wearing little white chapel veils and I did not feel upstaged. If they were wearing big, sparkling, two-tiered veils like I was, that’s inappropriate. But I wear chapel veils to peoples’ weddings all the time and they’re too small and basic to really compare to a bridal veil. Plus, the celebrant, deacon and sub-deacon were all wearing white vestments that probably cost more than our big fat wedding reception.

    But if my maid of honor put a Kleenex on her head, I would just about die of embarrassment. It was bad enough that our Best Man thought it was perfectly fine to wear brown dress shoes with a black tux. How very Carmelite of him. :-\

  52. Origen Adamantius says:

    Mitch

    There is not official Catholic proscription concerning the specifics of clothing at liturgy–the Church is too universal and exists within too many cultures to bother with or impose specific types of clothing. That said there has always been a tradition of recognizing how the sacredness of the Mass differs from other occasions and that recognition should be manifested in one’s dress, up to and including the idea of “sunday best”– if one dresses up for a date but not for the Lord, what does that say? As for the particulars of women covering their head, there is a long standing tradition in the Church, however, neither Canon Law nor Liturgical Norms found in the G.I.R.M. proscribe that.

    As far as the brides and the bridesmaids, the church (although some may be offered at local levels) offers no specific prescriptions of dress apart from the use of prudence, so it is left to the bride, many of whom are affected by local culture.

  53. John says:

    Dear Joanne,

    Latin Mass Liturgicals (latinmassliturgicals.com) sells some very nice veils for not that much.

  54. Sylvia says:

    Whoa, you’re wearing a BLACK BRIDESMAID DRESS?! I’d say you have bigger worries than the headcovering. ;)

    Seriously, if black is the color, a small and tasteful hat would look really classy with it. How about this cloche (in black) or perhaps something from a vintage shop. My personal opinion is that small white chapel veils on all the bridesmaids in a party would look sweet. However, though that’s not your situation at all, please don’t wear a “chapel cap”! They give head covering a bad name.

  55. Maureen says:

    Ah, a B&W wedding schema. Nice. That will definitely make matching lace a lot easier. Though I think it would be very nice to have something in the way of black satin, especially if it were something simple and minimal enough to be flattering for all heads/faces, and for the other bridesmaids to be eager to wear it.

    Maybe a piece of black satin held on under a black headband? Or a twisty hat-like thing that gives you all some height and look super-dignified next to the bride?

    I will shut up now, as I am no fashionista.

  56. Chris says:

    Joanne- I happened to come across this site yesterday- very formal-looking chapel caps
    (albeit a somewhat comical site name!)

    http://www.glamdoily.com/

  57. Maureen says:

    One final point — the headgear sites point out that any form of headgear draws attention to the face. (I won’t draw any religious symbolism out of this, though it’d be easy enough to do so.) Don’t get so absorbed in taking care of the bride and your headgear that you forget to check your face in the mirror! And while you’re keeping the bride from frazzling, don’t frazzle too much yourself…. :)

  58. Gravitas says:

    Joanne: I probably would have regretfully excused myself from being in the wedding party if she objected.

    Good for you!

  59. CD says:

    Gravitas – Angering relatives at a wedding is NOT evangelizing them.

  60. Cathomomy says:

    Joanne,
    HaloWorks also has some decent veils (www.halo-works.com). Some might be fancier than you are seeking, but if you look in their “Easy Wear Mantilla Veils” section, you can find some of the smaller ones (i.e. the “Petit Voile” model). But they are all very nice!!

  61. Paul says:

    Gravitas, if the cap fits, don’t shrug it off.

  62. Genevieve says:

    “provided that it is white for those not married, and black for the others – married or widows-”

    I know someone said this in a comment to an earlier post, but is it really true? I always assumed the color of the veil was seasonal, just like shoes. Plus, I’ve seen veils other than black and white. Who wears the brown veil?

  63. Cathy says:

    I was a MOH at a July Trid. wedding.
    The bride sewed me a beautiful lace mantilla, complete with comb in front, to match my dress.
    Didn’t even interfere with my up-do.
    She said it was VERY easy to do.
    I kept telling everyone I was the Infanta of Spain, but it was all in good fun.
    It looked fine.

    :)

    At regular Mass, I wear a black mantilla.
    I’m married, but I don’t think it matters.
    There are no rubrics for the congregation.

    Some wear black, some blue, some white.