The Perfect Priest

Our friends over at Rorate have a good post about priests, perception of priests, and the old Catch 22 they sometimes face.

It made me think of something an old chestnut of a chain letter which I have posted here before:

The Perfect Priest

The results of a computerized survey indicate the perfect priest preaches exactly fifteen minutes. He condemns sins but never upsets anyone. He works from 8:00 AM until midnight and is also a janitor. He makes $50 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $50 weekly to the poor. He is 28 years old and has preached 30 years. He has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all of his time with senior citizens.

The perfect priest smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work. He makes 15 calls daily on parish families, shut-ins and the hospitalized, and is always in his office when needed.

If your priest does not measure up, simply send this letter to six other churches that are tired of their priest, too. Then bundle up your priest and send him to the church on the top of the list. In one week, you will receive 1,643 priests and one of them will be perfect. Have faith in this procedure.

One parish broke the chain and got its old priest back in less than three weeks.

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About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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6 Responses to The Perfect Priest

  1. Joanne says:

    Very funny : )

  2. I think I had better give up now and go and join the Dominicans…

  3. Phil_NL says:

    New Priest Warranty

    MANUFACTURER’S NOTICE:
    It has come to our attention that the pastor you received was shipped with a slight defect: he is not psychic. This defect necessitates certain special procedures to ensure optimum performance of your unit.

    - It is necessary to inform him of any members who are hospitalized.
    - It is necessary to inform him of any members who should be added to the “shut-in” list.
    - If someone you know is sick or otherwise in need of the pastor’s prayers, or if you know of someone who should be included in the prayers on Sunday morning, the pastor must be told, or he won’t know.
    - If you are in need of a pastoral visit or some other service from the pastor, you will get best results if you ask him.

    We regret any inconvenience this may cause. If these special procedures create an undue burden, please feel free to send the unit back, and one with full psychic abilities will be shipped as soon as one becomes available.

    More of these on http://www.catholic-pages.com/grabbag by the way; it hasn’t been updated in years (BXVI is still a cardinal in one joke, but still funny.

    @The licensed Fool: exactly! http://www.catholic-pages.com/grabbag/dominican.asp

  4. irishgirl says:

    Very funny! : )
    ‘He is 28 years old and has preached 30 years’. Say what? How can that be? Must be a typo….

  5. Mark R says:

    The perfect priest is Jesus and he was never like the above description.

  6. Phil B says:

    @Mark R:

    Well, he was 33 years old at his passion and resurrection, yet he has been preaching since the dawn of creation!