PARODY SONG ALERT: A Pirate Looks at … Solemn Masses

I received a note from one of you readers, who was channelling his inner Zuhlio.

Frequent reader, occasional poster. I’m stationed up at ___ Air Base waaaaay up in ___, and we’ve been stuck in doors due to a winter storm. While listening to Jimmy Buffett and talking with a friend about liturgy, I penned the following, sung to the tune of A Pirate Looks at Forty. Clearly we have too much time on our hands.



Solemn and High Masses,
I have heard you call.
Wanted to listen to your Missal
Since I discovered you last Fall.
They’ve changed it all.
They’ve changed it all.

Read that men who prayed you
Switched to new routines,
But in your pages you hold the treasures
That few have ever seen.
The new one’s so lean.
The new one’s so lean.

Yes, I am a Catholic
One hundred years too late.
The organs don’t thunder.
There’s no sense of wonder.
I’m an under forty victim of fate.
Arriving too late.
Arriving too late.

I’ve done a bit of chanting,
And I’ve heard a Solemn Mass.
I’ve sang a few psalms
And keep my rosary,
But I still don’t enjoy the new Mass.
The priest speaks too fast.
The priest speaks too fast.

And I have skipped Mass now for over two weeks.
I’ve stayed up, and I’ve slept in,
And I’ve not turned my cheek,
But I’ve got to stop missing
And go to confession
And do some more penance again.
Just a few sins.
Just a few sins.

I go for older hymnals,
And sang from several a while.
Though they took them away,
They’ll come back, I pray,
And that’ll bring me a smile.
It just takes a while.
Just takes a while.

Solemn and High Masses,
After all the years I’ve found,
Liturgy that’s haphazard means
That reverence just won’t abound.
I can’t look around.
Just keep my head down,
And kneel on the ground.
And keep my head down. . .

In case you need a refresher for the tune. I did!

And it’s not even 19 September!

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
This entry was posted in HONORED GUESTS, Lighter fare, Parody Songs. Bookmark the permalink.


  1. DMorgan says:

    Well Done! Pray that Jimmy will return to the Church.

  2. Andrew says:

    I hope Zuhlio will record this and add it to his “Zuhlio’s Golden Favorites” album. These treasure should not be lost!

  3. HFL says:

    Aaaaaarrh. As I’m currently sitting aboard a 50′ yacht in Key West Bight, this post was particularly apropos! Very well done indeed!

  4. I could learn this on guitar and sing it at Young Adult Ministry events in the diocese. Wouldn’t that be awesome???

  5. Kathleen10 says:

    Hey, that’s good! Very well done.
    Jimmy Buffett sounds pretty mellow, very appealing these days. I feel like being a pirate now too.
    But hey, the writer’s not 100 years too late, now is a great time to be Catholic, exactly because it’s rough. I’d prefer an easier time, but, we were chosen for this time.

  6. Kathleen10 says:

    Oh, and yes David, you should do that.

  7. PTK_70 says:

    @David L Alexander….Do I detect glib sarcasm in your comment? But I think your suggestion comes very near to hitting the mark. Music of this sort is exactly suited to youth conferences and Wednesday evening Bible studies in Deacon John’s living room.

  8. Semper Gumby says:

    Well done with the Jimmy Buffett lyrics, and thanks for your service.

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