Lawyer, lawyer, pants on fire!

pants_fireI simply can’t not share this delicious irony.

From the Miami Herald:

Miami lawyer’s pants erupt in flames during arson trial in court

A Miami defense lawyer’s pants burst into flames Wednesday afternoon as he began his closing arguments in front of a jury — in an arson case.

Stephen Gutierrez, who was arguing that his client’s car spontaneously combusted and was not intentionally set on fire, had been fiddling in his pocket as he was about to address jurors when smoke began billowing out his right pocket, witnesses told the Miami Herald.


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  1. dbonneville says:

    A man was walking through a graveyard when he saw a headstone that read “Here lays a Christian and a Lawyer”. The man thought to himself, “How tacky! Putting two people in the same grave!”.

  2. Cafea Fruor says:

    Talk about being in the hot seat… ;o)

  3. Ivan says:

    This lawyer is the lucky one for who some faithful Catholics pray, for sure…
    This fire could be a call for his conversion, and this little fire is just cute,… compared with the eternal fire.

  4. Richard A says:

    Reminds me of Clement Vallandigham.

  5. juergensen says:

    I predict the judge will find him in contempt of court.

  6. JARay says:

    I have seen it happen! The use of safety matches only came in in the 1960’s. Before they became obligatory, an ordinary box of phosphorous matches could ignite due to the warmth in the pocket of someone carrying them there. As I say, I have seen it happen!

  7. Semper Gumby says:

    Fr. Z, this news item may require the skills of ace film-noir detective Tracer Bullet.

    It was a sweltering evening in Miami. At police headquarters the air conditioning was on the fritz. Inside Interrogation Room Three Tracer Bullet had his coat off, his tie loosened, and his sleeves rolled up. Tracer slowly paced the room smoking a Lucky Strike, refusing to look at the perp sitting under a bare light bulb wearing a robe and a bored expression.

    Suddenly, Tracer downed his cigarette in his coffee cup, hurled the cup across the room, and leaned over the table staring directly into the perp’s eyes. The perp wrinkled his nose and tilted his head away from Tracer’s face. “That’s a lot of coffee and cigarettes, Detective.”

    “Listen up, sicko,” Tracer snarled, “And I want the truth. Are you on amphetamines?”

    “Nope,” replied the perp.


    “It makes me dizzy.”


    “I haven’t had dinner yet.”


    “I’m not from the South and my name’s not Jimmy. It’s Ralph. Now can I show you my ID?”

    Tracer straightened up. “Sure, punk, sure.”

    Ralph rolled his eyes, reached beneath his robe and handed Tracer his drivers license.

    Tracer gave the perp a don’t-try-anything-funny look and picked up his clipboard. Flicking through the pages Tracer read: “Interrogation Room Two: Lawyer with possible pyrotechnics in courtroom. Case assigned to Tracer Bullet. Interrogation Room Three: Jaywalker arrested near Main Street Theater. Had flashpaper in pockets when arrested. Claims he is a bible reenactor playing the part of Elijah and the Miracle of Fire on Mt. Carmel. Case unassigned.”

    Tracer Bullet sat down, eyed Ralph, and drummed his fingers on the table. Inside Tracer’s shirt pocket were two tickets to the 9pm show of “Elijah and the Miracle of Fire at Mt. Carmel.” Drats, Tracer thought, off to Confession again. Tracer reached over to a box on a small table and handed it to Ralph. “Doughnut?”

    [Nothing focuses your attention like a .38 caliber fire in your pants.]

    Fr. Z's Gold Star Award

  8. Absit invidia says:

    Was it intended for effect? We all know how these prima Dona lawyers like to play the drama queen.

  9. gheg says:

    Yes! Me too!

  10. Filipino Catholic says:

    This talk of lawyers reminds me of St. Andrew Avellino, who once told a small lie during his time as a canon lawyer, only to regret that so much he left the profession entirely and joined the Theatines some time afterwards.

  11. Cdn Catholic says:

    Brings new meaning to the term “on the hot seat”.

  12. Kerry says:

    Semper, “Please sir, won’t you write some more?”

  13. Semper Gumby says:

    Kerry: Thank you sir!

Comments are closed.