BREAKING: IOWA CAUCUSES AND PAPAL CONCLAVES!

I just received the following…

February 4, 2020 – (ROME, ITALY)

A source within the Vatican, whose identity must remain secret, divulged that Pope Francis has hired the Iowa Democrats to develop an app for the next conclave.

In the past, some have questioned the secretive conclave method of choosing a Pope, calling it outdated and non-viable.

It is hoped that the use of this app will provide for unprecedented transparency in the historically closed-door process and increase confidence in the validity of future papal elections.

Los Angeles Times reports that the Iowa app was originally developed by veterans of the Clinton campaign.

Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI was unavailable for comment.

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Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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10 Responses to BREAKING: IOWA CAUCUSES AND PAPAL CONCLAVES!

  1. W0BPH says:

    This reads like an Eye of the Tiber headline. Please don’t say it’s true!

  2. rtjl says:

    I was sure it was February 4th today but I must have stepped through a time warp. It must be April 1st. Say what? Is this real?

  3. William Cody says:

    It might be helpful to have a Pope and curia that understands technology so this sort of thing doesn’t happen.

  4. JonPatrick says:

    Given the allegations documented in “Dictator Pope” that the Vatican helped finance Hillary Clinton’s failed 2016 campaign using money from Peter’s Pence, I guess it is only fair that the Democrats return the favor.

  5. veritas vincit says:

    That app in the next papal conclave would result in the longest conclave on record! LOL!

  6. Semper Gumby says:

    Great post Fr. Z.

    JonPatrick: Zing.

    Here’s what Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA), Lead Manager of the Party of Death Impeachment, said in closing arguments to the Senate on Feb. 3:

    “Trump could offer Alaska to the Russians in exchange for support in the next election, or decide to move to Mar-A-Lago permanently and leave Jared Kushner to run the country…”

    The only thing that could top that is if the next Pope takes the name Ivan.

  7. Pingback: BREAKING: SECRET PROTEST CALLED AGAINST FUTURE PAPAL CONCLAVE APP | Fr. Z's Blog

  8. jaykay says:

    They do, William. It’s just that it’s the technology of the ’60s

  9. Johann says:

    Normally it would be easy to dismiss the story as a parody, but with the recent happenings in Iowa and the Vatican, I am not so sure.

  10. tzabiega says:

    Sources also have stated that Pope Francis, being impressed with her exceptional abilities at the State of the Union Address, wants to have Nancy Pelosi be the first woman to be allowed in the conclave, so she can be in charge of ripping up the secret ballots submitted by the cardinals during their voting. The Holy Father, however, has requested that she refrain from any preschool facial gestures and talking to herself while the names of the cardinals who received votes are called out.