St. Teresa of Avila’s “Prayer to Redeem Lost Time” and the Purification of Memory

Have you seen this?   I hadn’t for some years, but it came across my screen today.

St. Teresa of Avila’s “Prayer to Redeem Lost Time”

O my God! Source of all mercy! I acknowledge Your sovereign power. While recalling the wasted years that are past, I believe that You, Lord, can in an instant turn this loss to gain. Miserable as I am, yet I firmly believe that You can do all things. Please restore to me the time lost, giving me Your grace, both now and in the future, that I may appear before You in “wedding garments.” Amen.

I frequently lament to myself about the time I’ve wasted in my life.  Hence, this prayer caught my eye.  And because it seemed a good prayer, I wanted to know its provenance.  As it turns out, some rather famous things are attributed to this or that writer… and they never wrote them.  For example, the old chestnut that St. John Chrysostom said that hell is paved with the skulls of bishop… nope.  It might very well be true, but that’s not John Chrysostom.  Or, attributed to St. Augustine, “he who sings, prays twice”.  Frankly, it should read “he who sings well, prays twice”… but again… nope.  What Augustine wrote was “cantare amantis est… singing belongs to one who loves”.  I could multiply examples, but let’s get to the point.

I did some digging about the aforementioned prayer.  Although it is attributed to St. Teresa of Avila the English version is an expanded adaptation of her words rather than a strictly literal translation.  It is substantially authentic in its main content, but it is not what St. Teresa wrote.

The source for the prayer is the fourth of her Exclamaciones del alma a Dios, usually dated to about 1569.  According to the tradition recorded by Fray Luis de León, Teresa sometimes composed ardent meditations after receiving Holy Communion. The complete Spanish work is available through the Biblioteca Virtual Miguel de Cervantes and in a modernized text at Teresavila.

The key passage that interests us reads:

¡Oh Dios mío! ¿Cómo padecéis que haya quien se precie en cosa tan miserable? Procurad Vos, Señor, que no nos entendamos. ¡Oh, qué tarde se han encendido mis deseos y qué temprano andabais Vos, Señor, granjeando y llamando para que toda me emplease en Vos! ¿Por ventura, Señor, desechasteis al miserable o apartasteis al pobre mendigo? ¿Por ventura, Señor, tienen término vuestras grandezas o vuestras magníficas obras? ¡Oh Dios mío y misericordia mía! ¡Y cómo las podéis mostrar ahora en vuestra sierva! Poderoso sois, gran Dios. Ahora se podrá entender si mi alma se engaña cuando mira el tiempo perdido. Recuperad, Dios mío, el tiempo perdido con darme gracia en el presente y porvenir, para que parezca delante de Vos con vestiduras de bodas, pues si queréis podéis.

O my God, how can You suffer anyone to take pride in so miserable a thing? Grant, Lord, that we may cease to misunderstand ourselves. O how late my desires have been enkindled, while You, Lord, began so early to win me and call me, so that I might employ myself wholly in You! Have You ever rejected the wretched or turned away the poor beggar? Do Your great works or magnificence have any limit? O my God and my mercy, how wonderfully You can manifest them now in Your servant! You are powerful, great God. Now it will be seen whether my soul deceives itself when it considers the time it has lost. Recover for me, my God, the time lost, by giving me grace in the present and in the future, so that I may appear before You clothed in the wedding garment, for, if You will it, You can do so.

The paraphrase form of the prayer begins:

O my God! Source of all mercy! I acknowledge Thy sovereign power. While recalling the wasted years that are past, I believe that Thou, Lord, canst in an instant turn this loss to gain…

That version faithfully communicates Teresa’s intention, but expressions such as “source of all mercy,” “sovereign power,” and “turn this loss to gain” are expansions.

What’s going on in this prayer?

Teresa is not asking God literally to reverse the passage of time.  She asks Him to redeem its spiritual consequences.

Years wasted through tepidity, distraction, vanity, or sin cannot be lived again, but grace can supply what was lacking by producing deeper humility, gratitude, penance, charity, and renewed fervor.

Past failure can be the occasion for holiness.

Her image of the “wedding garment” comes from Matthew 22:11–14. She prays that, whatever the poverty of her past, God will clothe her soul in the grace necessary to stand before Him at the heavenly banquet.

Thus the prayer combines contrition with immense confidence.

Teresa looks backward without despair and forward without presumption.

The past belongs to divine mercy; the present and future must be surrendered to divine grace.

This points to …

Purification of memory.  

We have to purify our memories, or rather allow God to purify them, and learn not to hold onto things that can hinder us.  That doesn’t mean “forget”.  It means putting them in the right context.  Seeing them in a Christ-centered way, not a self-centered way.  In a sense, clinging to injuries, wallowing in past sins is a form of “vanity” because it is all about “me”.  It shoves Christ to the side, when He has to be at the center of those memories.   Consider than continuing to rub one’s face with the mire of sins that you have sincerely confessed and been absolved for is a kind of denial of Christ’s power to forgive.

The Enemy demons cannot read our minds, but they have access to our memories.   Moreover, they remember what we have forgotten.  The Enemy can throw obstacles in our path of spiritual growth through keeping us distracted by our memories…. of past accidents, of injuries and of our own sins.

Of course there is a balance to be achieved with the help of grace and the development of virtues which helps us to do penance for past sins and acts of reparation for others while leaving the “mess” we are or were in to the ministration of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Do yourselves a favor.

Here is a link to a talk given by a good friend of mine, Fr. Cliff Ermatinger, a gifted speaker and writer.  I’ve mentioned his books here, though not often enough.  This talk is about:

The Goal of the Spiritual Life: Memory and Virtue.

It is the third part of a series.  He provides the audio and a careful outline of the talk:

HERE

If you are troubled by past injuries or your own past sins, I implore you to listen to it.  I am confident that this talk will be beneficial for you no matter what stage you are at in your spiritual life.  40 minutes of your life very well spent.

And… need it be said?

GO TO CONFESSION!