Angry! Disgusted! ARRRRRRRCH – – GAAH .. *cough – III

Here is an old rant, slightly updated, about TV commercials before the deeply and stupidly commercialized “Valentine’s Day”.

The stupidest jinned up commercial “holiday” of the year is just around the corner.  And you men are required by commercial advertisers to be as stupid as the advertisers think you should think women are.  And don’t forget guilty if you don’t buy Teddy Bears or diamonds.

Do you recall my tirade against “Vermont Teddy Bears”?

Now there are leopard skin garments.  I am not making this up.

These commercials really make me see red and think black thoughts.

I quote from my past rant:

These moronic commercials portray women as total idiots.

They deepen the distortion of a feast day of the Church!

I mean… how stupid do they think women are?

I’m just askin’

“She’ll think you’ve planned it for weeks!”  Smarmy ********

Yah… and she hasn’t seen the commercial… maybe while sitting next to you on the couch.

This year they are playing again on the “give her this and you’ll get laid because she doesn’t have a brain in her head” message, which has usually been the message in previous years.

Year by year it’s the “women are really stupid” angle but it’s mainly about her enjoying time being warm and, apparently, mostly alone…. rolling around.  I guess they are alone because they caught on to how stupid the men who bought this stuff are for having bought it because they thought women were stupid.

If any of you readers buy this stuff, you need psychological help.  Then you will perhaps need a new membership to a Catholic singles service.

Here’s Father Z’s best advise.

Give your woman chapel veils .  If she refuses to wear them at church, lock her in the back of the cave.

Err… um… see what happens?  I became stupider just writing about this stuff!

I also once suggesting having a Giant Hissing Cockroach named after your gal.   After all, “Nothing says ‘forever’ like a cockroach.”

The chapel veil might be a better idea.  Especially if you tell her how beautiful she is when she wears it.

And there are nuns who sell soap.



Buy them lots of Mystic Monk Coffee and WDTPRS coffee mugs or chocolate covered coffee beans.  Especially romantic would be a can. 915 mug.

Look at it as anti-commercial Teddy Bear.

Remember in Star Trek how there’s anti-matter?  What happens when they meet?  FFFKCHPLOOOY! Get one of those and she’ll know immediately that you don’t think she is stupid or a total idiot when it comes to these commercial holidays.  And a nice note along the lines of:

“I am really mad about catholic politicians causing scandal.  Fr. Z says this thing is great.  So, because I’m sure you know that I don’t think you’re stupid, here’s a mug with Latin on it.  But… if your feeling romantic… I’m just sayin’ ….”

What gal could resist that?

Of course I expect to see a spike in coffee and mug sales because of this affirmation because you can’t be manipulated.

Mystic Monk Coffee!

It’s smart!

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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  1. Atra Dicenda, Rubra Agenda says:

    :) I got my wife a chapel veil as a wedding present (and she wears it), a first-born son as a first Anniversary present, and a second-born son this year as a Valentine’s Day present. I consider my shopping done.

  2. Nicole says:

    Ladies’ hats and scarves are well-appreciated, also! :P

  3. Joseph-Mary says:

    I have a suggestion to all those disgusted by the advertisements: don’t watch TV! Give it up for Lent to start with. You may be surprised: you CAN live without it!

  4. APX says:

    From this lady’s point of view, I’d go with the soap over the chapel veil unless you know your woman really well.

    Btw: my supervisor and I were just discussing how stupid this commercialized holiday is. She hates it so much she was actually planning on staying at work late all evening so she wouldn’t have to endure her boyfriend’s cheesy plans. Given that y supervisor is no workaholic, I know she hates it.

  5. PostCatholic says:

    Yep, nothing says “I love you” more than “here, hide your face.” Veils for everyone!

  6. kab63 says:

    But, Father! But, Father!

    The advertisers don’t think WOMEN are stupid; they think the MEN are stupid. They know full well that the women hate this kind of giftie. But men are tempted to believe that this insulting gift will be appreciated.

    And let me just say… a teddy bear and a diamond have about as much in common as a raven and a writing desk. Not every year, mind you, but a diamond — infrequently — can be QUITE appropriate.

  7. Elizabeth D says:

    I already got my heart-shaped box of chocolates to put outside the Perpetual Adoration Chapel, to celebrate the Feb 14th Feast of Sts Cyril and Methodius (ordinary form calendar).

    What would a TV commercial for chapel veils look like? (I am not a veil wearer, though I wear a long skirt every day)

  8. benedetta says:

    I would like to recommend a website called Garlands of Grace which makes some quite lovely chapel veils.

  9. benedetta says:

    PostCatholic, I think you are a little out of line. A chapel veil shouldn’t be equated with a burkha, by you or anyone. Sorry, get a grip.

  10. jo seno says:

    For my engagement anniversary (Feb. 13th because I didn’t want to propose on the 14th) I bought my fiancé a wire wrapped unbreakable rosary.

  11. kat says:

    Too funny. Sorry it stressed you out Father. We get to avoid that stress, as we don’t watch tv (often trying to explain that to Comcast when they want me to purchase cable!!)

    I have tons of chapel veils so don’t want one from my husband (he wouldn’t pick out the one I like anyway, probably). I’ll take chocolate if he wants to give it…I love chocolate!

    I did get a … dare I say it? … Vermont Teddy Bear for the first Valentine after we were married. It is still on the pillow, after having been dug out of a plastic bag with all my other stuffed animals from long past…(We’ve been married 15-1/2 years now).

    But for our 10th anniversary I did even worse than the teddy bear…we couldn’t afford much at all, so I got him a nice card, and a little stuffed bear at Hallmark. It sits on his desk at work. Now it’s a private joke between us, as he somehow managed to get me a diamond necklace for the same said anniversary! (I owe him big time for the 20th anniversary…)

    We don’t have much money for gifts these years, with six kids and Catholic school tuition, etc. So, candy is just fine. And no, we don’t NEED a special feast day to share our love and be kind; we do that all the time. But to have an excuse to buy a little treat for ourselves and the children, especially right before Lent during which we do without such treats, well…we’ll take it.

    So, Happy SAINT Valentine’s Day, everyone!

  12. PostCatholic says:

    Perhaps I am out of line. But I think I’m going to stick with tradition on Tuesday and present my wife with a nice meal, a good bottle of wine, and chocolates. If I should need to add anything lacy to that, I have to say–chapel veils aren’t what come mind.

  13. lgreen515 says:

    My husband always MAKES a valentine for me every year, with a sentiment he has composed himself. It doesn’t get more romantic than that. Father–hit the mute button and avert your eyes.

  14. robtbrown says:


    Does you wife attend mass? If not, then I don’t see why you would even comment on chapel veils.

  15. poohbear says:

    I would be happy to find a husband who helps support nuns and monks, and knows what a chapel veil is.

    As for the commercials, I don’t watch TV anymore, I gave it up on a whim for lent in 2001 and never went back.

  16. tealady24 says:

    I was thinking these exact thoughts earlier today! Just a way to sell cards and candy.
    I need a day, just one day and no other, to tell people in my life that I love them and vice versa?

    Hey I’ve been married almost 40 years and in the words of Chesterton
    “marriage is an adventure, like going to war.” Save your money.

  17. AnAmericanMother says:

    Wrt chapel veils, you may remember the discussion we had awhile back about blaze orange and camo veils . . . .

    I made a pattern from one of my mantillas, got out my sewing machine with the scallop stitch setting and some camo netting, and voila!

    what every well-dressed Catholic lady duck hunter should wear.

    Husbands, man your sewing machines!

    You do need to underlay the netting with tissue paper or it will buckle when you scallop it.

  18. The Sicilian Woman says:

    Actually, I thought PostCatholic’s post was funny and illustrated a good, simple way to celebrate the holiday.

  19. Trad Catholic Girl says:

    Are you recommending red chapel veils as gifts? Sounds a little garish to me but then again, I’m not a big chapel veil fan. The last time I wore one I thought the priest celebrating Mass was ready to break out in laughter when he saw me wearing it. I would recommend chocolate and mystic monk coffee instead of the veil.

  20. SrMarieAugustinFCR says:

    The very best temporal and spiritual gift anyone can give or receive is the gift of Holy Mass being offered. If you feel cheesy because your loved one knows how low the stipend is, how about giving a “tridium” of Holy Masses for him/her.

  21. pm125 says:

    Thanks, Fr. Z, so good to laugh – what with all this other misery of political developments.
    My dream, from TV in the background a lot while doing anything, is a bouquet of roses but, I, as still forever single alas, will be realistic and stoic, with plans to visit the 1/2 price boxes of chocolates counter on the 15th. Red heart boxes are pretty but skimpy on content so forget them. The Mystic Monk St. Valentine’s Day pkg. was nice to imagine as a gift. Oop, there’s a 4-1/2 ft bear on right now …. to be coveted more than the upside down rejected bouquet next to it.

  22. NoTambourines says:

    Never mind the Valentine’s Day gift, I’m still holding out hope of landing a Catholic husband. First things first.

    I think I’d be too happy to ever harangue him about Valentine’s Day. He could even get me a tambourine.

  23. flyfree432 says:

    I am taking the good priest’s advice and doing the name a hissing roach after your wife thing. If my marriage goes south, Father Z has a lot to answer for.

  24. Johnno says:

    I have a lovely picture of St. Valentine’s skull that I photographed in Rome. I’m going to make that into a card!

    For presents why not get books on topics about Christian love? C.S. Lewis’ ‘The 4 Loves’ is a good one.

  25. Melchisedech says:

    Scarves are a good choice! From Italia, I brought back one each for my mother and sister and they loved them more than the item they requested I bring back.

  26. priests wife says:

    “I’m loving every day of the year- why do I need some forced fake holiday to show I care?”

    just do it- Should we go to church only Sunday and confession once a year because that is what is required- no- we should do more than what is required. So flowers and good chocolate for her, beer and good cheese for him- it’s not so hard.

    I have a friend who has 10 children- the last 5 were at true, grave risks to her life- she NEVER got a card or dinner or small gift on Mother’s day because “he’s always nice to her.” YUCK IMHO

  27. heway says:

    I bought my husband a Vermont Teddy Bear at the Vermont factory where they are made.
    Although we have 3 sons none of them are named “Albert”. My husband always wanted an Albert so the factory is where we got him. The “Teddy Bear” is born and you cut the cord and sew up his tummy. He gets a birth certificate with his name on it. Our Albert sits on a dresser in our guest bedroom. He is dressed quite nicely and we always addess him as “Albert”.

  28. Velle Mere says:

    I’m just thankful for the fast forward button on the remote. I rarely watch programming in real time just because of the dopey commercials.

  29. benedetta says:

    AnAmericanMother, Excellent photo! And yes, I am still looking for a veil in blaze orange. Might have to just do it myself!

  30. chcrix says:

    “These commercials really make me see red and think black thoughts.”

    Well, best not to say the black and do the red in this case.

  31. AnAmericanMother says:

    An excellent book.
    While certainly you may not want to put any money into the Episcopalians’ coffers, the Episcopal Radio TV Foundation has an audio recording of Lewis himself reading “The Four Loves”. He has a marvelous voice, deep and rich and resonant, with the Ulster still surging up through the Oxbridge crust. One of those voices that you could enjoy hearing read the phone book (kinda like our host – :-) )

  32. AnAmericanMother says:

    I would hit a discount fabric outlet, preferably out in the country. The further out of town, the wider the selection of camo fabric, and the blaze netting should be right next to the camo! It’s a little stiffer than lace so it doesn’t drape as well, but then again it doesn’t slide off your hair as badly.
    The only fiddly part is adjusting the stitch length and tension on the edging – otherwise, just cut it out and run it through the machine.

  33. pfreddys says:

    The most hideous commercial this year features a very attractive woman dressing in a very revealing dress, after she dresses abit she looks at the camera and says Guys, Valentines day is simple you give and then you get. There is a term for that: it’s called prostitution.

  34. Jbuntin says:

    I’m a married woman… who doesn’t want a gift someone thinks they have to buy one for me. Birthday, Christmas, Valentines Day, or Anniversary gifts are stupid in my opinion. I do realize that I am the minority here. My husband and I have been married for 24 years and we don’t exchange gifts of any kind. I like it that way.

    Father I agree with you on the comercials… they make me gag!

  35. American Mom: Super! You should consider selling camo veils! I would absolutely buy a bunch for the women in my life, and I know several other pistol-packing mommas at our parish who would love one. I think even our super-liturgically correct FSSP priests might grudgingly admire them.

  36. Eric says:

    I found that if every time I see or hear a Valentines day commercial I remind myself that means pitchers and catchers report within the week, that negates the gag reflex.

    Just a suggestion.

  37. introibo says:

    AnAmericanMother, thanks for the C.S. Lewis mention..although I looked on Amazon, and there is a CD version of it there, too…

  38. Charlotte Allen says:

    Isn’t the Church partly at fault for taking St. Valentine off the calendar, so that his holy feast day is now a purely secular (and in some hands, vulgar) holiday? In pre-calendar “reform” days the priest wore red vestments at Mass because St. Valentine was a Roman martyr. Now it’s the feast of SS. Cyril and Methodius and the vestments are green–just another ordinary-time day for the Church. It’s very sad. I’m a medievalist, and the feast of St. Valentine was a special and important day in medieval popular culture. The color red associated with the day springs from the color of the vestments, and the association with hearts and lovers from St. Valentine’s legendary insistence on presiding over forbidden marriages of Christians. So every Valentine’s Day I groan and ask myself: “Why did the Church do that? How stupid can you get?

    Nonetheless, my husband has been taking me out to dinner on Valentine’s Day (except when it falls during Lent) ever since we began dating, and we always exchange valentines that we have carefully picked out for each other. (I usually hand-insert the word “St.” between the “Happy” and the “Valentine’s” on the card.) It is a romantic day for us and not marred by the need for expensive gifts or racy underwear–although he often gives me flowers.

    About chapel veils: I like them and I wish that head-coverings in church were again mandatory for women. But no woman in my parish wears them, and I don’t want to be tagged as the parish conservative nutcase. Yeah, yeah, I could take a stand, but I’d rather pick more important battles, such as trying to work more Latin into the liturgy.

  39. Banjo pickin girl says:

    And i thought i was just being funny about the camo veils!

    i thought postcatholic was funny! though generally, at Mass I wear a brown paper bag over my head for that full coverage effect since i sit in the front row… though i’ve been told my bag is too informal…

  40. irishgirl says:

    Whoa there, Father Z, don’t have a stroke with your tirades against Valentine’s Day!
    I’m a middle-aged, perpetually single woman, and the only times I ever got a valentine was from my late mother, because she knew I felt depressed about the day.
    I also don’t like the day because it was on February 14, 2000 that we had to put our little Westie-mix dog to sleep because he had cancer. NOT a happy day, that….I bawled like a baby after it was done.
    So the day doubly ‘stinks’ (I want to say a different word, but this isn’t the place to say it) because of what happened twelve years ago!
    AnAmericanMother-I love the picture of you, your Lab, and the camo veil! How very creative! Do you wear it to Mass? I almost burst out laughing here in the library when I clicked on the picture!

  41. Charlotte Allen says:

    I must add that I just LOVE the camo veil. Makes me wish I knew how to shoot a gun.

    @irishgirl: May I offer some tips on redeeming Valentine’s Day? There are really nice non-romantic “friendship” valentines out there, and your friends and relatives would probably be pleased that you remembered how much they mean to you. You might send one to your parish priests. I think that priests sometimes feel forgotten–or like mere sacrament vending machines–on holidays. And why not give a Feb. 14 dinner party for friends in loving memory of your dog? Or bring some cookies to work? It sounds corny, but doing something for other people is an effective cure for holiday depression. Also saying some extra prayers and going to Mass–even (and perhaps especially) the priest is wearing green vestments.

  42. irishgirl says:

    Charlotte Allen: nice suggestions….but I’m not working, I don’t have any friends (except one in England, and he can’t come overseas right now-and what few ‘friends’ I might have, most if not all , are married), and I’m just about broke. And I’m not a party-giver anyway (I’m a terrible at organizing things-I’m ‘all thumbs’).

  43. New Sister says:

    Irishgirl – Don’t doubt you are VERY loved!! 14 Feb is now Sts Cyril, Monk & Methodius, Bishop, Apostles to the Slavs Day, and I wish you a blessed one!

  44. Well, if I had a g/f to shop for, I know what I wouldn’t buy. In the meantime. I think chocolate will do and TIVO :)

  45. Banjo pickin girl says:

    Anything chocolate, raspberry, or medium caliber for me (I’m recoil sensitive, you know).

  46. LaudemGloriae says:

    Hmm, you know I always thought of St. Valentine’s Day as a children’s holiday … one for friendship and kindness … a day to delight little old ladies and small children with Valentines and candies … a day to acknowledge and appreciate the people we see every day without really seeing them – custodians, bus drivers, postal carriers, teachers, etc. I think this is why it doesn’t translate to adult couples … it has a juvenile quality to it that’s sweet, but not romantic, isn’t meant to be.

  47. Supertradmum says:

    My young friends have pointed out that there is no Valentine’s Day this year. 14-2-12=0

    I hope Fr. Z, you are pleased with this idea.

  48. An interesting approach to the idea.

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