Litany for the conversion of internet thugs.

A work in progress.

I am willing to take some intelligent suggestions and additions.

Litany for the conversion of internet thugs.
(private use only, and when truly irritated, and when the alternative is foul language)

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.
Christ, graciously hear us.
God, the Father of Heaven, have mercy on us.
God, the Son, Redeemer of the World, have mercy on us.
God, the Holy Ghost, have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, one God, have mercy on us.

Lest internet thugs be eternally tormented by all the fiends of hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they pass eternity in utter despair, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they come to be damned for the harm they cause, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they roast forever in the deepest cinders of hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest they suffer the unceasing pain of loss, convert them, O Lord.

Lest devils endlessly increase their physical agony, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils twist their bowels and boil their blood in hell, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils use them as their toys and tools, convert them, O Lord.
Lest devils gnaw on their skulls, convert them, O Lord.

Lest the innocent be harmed by their sins, convert them, O Lord.
Lest the innocent yield to them in weakness, convert them, O Lord.
Lest the innocent be drawn into their traps, convert them, O Lord.

From faceless Facebook admin drones, spare us O Lord.
From tweeting Twitter idiots, spare us O Lord.
From from heart-hardened spammers, spare us O Lord.
From rss feed problems, spare us O Lord.
From server memory resource difficulties, spare us O Lord.

From viruses, trojan horses, and all manner of snares, Lord save us.
From wasting our time, Lord save us.
From our own stupidity, Lord save us.

St. Isidore, defend us.
St. Francis de Sales, defend us.
St. Gabriel, defend us.
St. Michael, defend us.
Guardian angels, defend us.
All the angels and saints….. GRRRRR.

Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, spare us, O Lord.
Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, graciously hear us, O Lord,
Lamb of God who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.

V. Christ, Jesus who died for our sins.
R. Return, and return swiftly.

Let us pray.
Almighty and eternal God,
who according to an ineffable plan
called us into existence to do your will
amid the vicissitudes and contagion of this world
grant, we beseech you,
through your mercy and grace
both to protect the innocent who use the tools of this digital age
and to convert from their evil ways all those who abuse them.
Through Christ our Lord.   Amen.

FacebookEmailPinterestGoogle GmailShare/Bookmark

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
This entry was posted in Lighter fare, New Evangelization, Wherein Fr. Z Rants and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Litany for the conversion of internet thugs.

  1. Mary Ann says:

    I-must-repeat, i-must-repeat, we-must-repeat!!!

  2. I’m wondering if there is a special prayer for the thug that broke into my car and stole among other things, my rosary?

  3. Until I got to the “……GRRRR,” I thought it might have been a true litany.

  4. Lynn at HastyBrook: You might try praying to Saint Dismas (The Good Thief) for that person’s conversion.

  5. Puff: Well… I think that if one would leave out the GRRRR part, it could be a bit more serious. I made my point, however.

  6. Kaneohe says:

    Amen! I am sure to hear this at some prayer service in the very near future ;))

    (Yes, I do love it!)

    NB: The blog’s new look is excellent – very elegant and easy to read.

  7. markomalley says:

    This is going up next to every computer I use.

    I would think a strophe mentioning mindless zombies, trolls, gremlins, and Mr. Murphy would somehow be appropriate.

    BTW, congrats on getting your blog back up and running!!

  8. Gail F says:

    Excellent! I especially like the use of the word “ineffable” at the end.

  9. Tony Layne says:

    Two lines I’d suggest:

    From thread-dominating, malicious trolls, spare us, O Lord.

    And:

    From sarcastic, sophomoric drive-by comments, spare us, O Lord.

  10. Re: stolen rosary

    Your man St. Anthony of Padua got his reputation as a finder because a thief stole one of his books and then, repenting, brought it back. So you might want to have a word.

  11. Craig says:

    @Lynne at Hasty Brook

    I’ve always thought that if a thief ever broke into my car and stole my Rosary, he/she probably needed it more than I did.

    Perhaps the ‘Hound of Heaven’ is tracking them down at this very moment. :)

  12. markomalley: And then there’s Zuhlsdorf’s Law.

  13. Gregory DiPippo says:

    Optime Z.,
    No matter how unpleasant the Internet-thugs you encounter here, you will never find more unpleasant trolls than those that have beseiged Damian Thompson, whose every article about the Church, and most of those not about the Church, is befouled with the most filthy and ignorant comments imaginable.

  14. Massachusetts Catholic says:

    All that the litany lacks is an illustration or two.

  15. Tony Layne says:

    Oh, you said it, brother! I’ve actually scrolled down through the comments on a couple of his posts, and when the trolls aren’t driving away sane and thoughtful comment, they’re attacking each other in a mindless war destined to be carried on through their lives so long as they have Internet access.

  16. Jesson says:

    I translated this litany into Latin and set into tone. Still polishing the translation though, and the terminations of the invocations.