Drawing from material that I have posted in the past, I warmly remind the readership that today is
Talk Like Shakespeare Day!
I urge you all hence forth to speak in verse.
Pentameter iambic would be best.
O list, gentles! Also strive to use
in thy fair speech some homage to the Bard.
Maybe you could (ehem… coulds’t thou not) use the word “Prithee” a few times today, or, perchance, “perchance”?
Rather than just handing over the cash when the pizza is deliveréd, you could say “Here’s thy guerdon. Go!”.
If a villainous churl would make to steal thy parking spot or cut thee off in traffic, avail thyself not of those usual short epithets common to such occasions. How much more satisfying to lower thy window and exclaim, “Ha! I’ll tell thee what; Thou’rt damn’d as black–nay, nothing is so black; Thou art more deep damn’d than Prince Lucifer: There is not yet so ugly a fiend of hell!”… or words to that effect.
Is some rampallian staring at you at the cafeteria? Macbeth wouldn’t have stood for that! You wouldn’t catch Macbeth saying, “Wanna take a photo?”. Ho hum! Today, try this: “The devil damn thee black, thou cream-faced loon! Where got’st thou that goose look?” Or should you be buying that arabical potion post-haste, a simple “Take thy face hence!”, would suffice.
Gentlemen! Have you in eager mind the ladies to impress? Be not afeared!
A would be bard might compare his lass to a summer’s day, rather than just say “Nice sweater”. If that doesn’t work… and i’ faith it will… there is always the trusty “Wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?” as a last resort. Also, a secret, women find strange words mickle alluring … like… like… “gorbellied”.
Art called upon to present thy case? Give a sales pitch? Deliver that new all-or-nothing business plan? Always… always… use lots of words with a final “-éd”. Never think that thou shalt be banishéd from the firm. They will gape at thy eloquence, I assure you.
Out with the boss for a power lunch? Don’t excuse yourself to use the “rest room”… how dull. Announce that you are headed for the jakes!
Yes, folks, it’s Talk Like Shakespeare Day! Have at!
And… did Shakespeare really write the plays?