Disquiet in Hell over The Present Crisis

Take this story with a grain of salt.

From The Onion.

Satan Refuses To Accept Any More Catholic Priests In Hell

NINTH CIRCLE, HELL—Stressing that the situation in the underworld was quickly spiraling out of control, Satan, the Great Tempter and Father of Lies, announced Wednesday that he would not allow any more Catholic priests to enter hell. “This place is completely overrun with those monsters, and frankly, they kind of creep me out,” said the Prince of Darkness, adding that every time he looked up, he saw another recently deceased member of the Roman Catholic clergy being cast down into the fires of hell, where each is expected to be tortured until the end of time by Satan and his minions. “We’re used to having every manner of unrepentant sinner down here, but those guys are beyond messed up. I swear, if I see one more of those sick bastards, I’m going to throw myself into the eternal flames.” In response, God has reportedly instituted a secret policy whereby the priests would no longer face damnation but would instead attend mandatory counseling sessions and then be quietly transferred into heaven.

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
This entry was posted in Lighter fare and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Ages says:

    Wasn’t it St. Chrysostom who sad, “the roads of hell are paved with the skulls of priests, and bishops are the light posts”?

  2. mrsmontoya says:

    Thank you for posting this, it is nice to have a chuckle in the midst of all this. Though didn’t I hear somewhere that the Devil hates to be taken lightly?

    Again, as always, thank you Father and blessings from the Far West.

  3. christopherschaefer says:

    when humor and reality begin to intersect…

  4. Kent Wendler says:

    Seriously, there was a previous response in another entry to the effect that since the damned definitively reject God, they definitively reject Truth = Reality, leaving only their sin-ravaged memories and imaginations for their souls to resurrect their thereby necessarily accursed bodies – for which there will always be “room” in Hell. It may be that Satan and his demons need not torment the damned as they do a pretty thorough job of doing it to themselves.

Comments are closed.