Fr. Z's Blog | Formerly entitled: "What Does The Prayer Really Say?" – Clear, straight commentary on Catholic issues, liturgy and life by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf o{]:¬)

O frabjous day! They are BACK!

Posted on 15 July 2013 by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

I buried the lead:

Twinkies! They’re baaaaack!

As you know, they went off the shelves some months ago, a dark day for civilization.

As I have written before, I never cared much for Twinkies, but I was irritated that I couldn’t any longer buy them had I wanted to. I was also disappointed that this limitation of my civil rights was caused by union problems.

I was so hoping that the recipe would be picked up by the Mexican company “Bimbo” (no… really… Twinkies by Bimbo… think about it).

Now it seems that Twinkies are back. Alas, they are now politically correct. They are, according to news accounts, smaller and less caloric! O tempora!

Apparently, New Twinkies are 270 calories for two twinkies and weigh 77 grams (for those of you in Columbia Heights that’s 135 calories and 38.5 grams for one twink). I am sure you remember that before the dark days of dearth began, a single twinkie was 150 calories. Photos of boxes in the past reveal that the weight of one Twinkie was 42.5. Get it? 42.5 v. 38.5?

Will New Twinkies go the way of New Coke?

We must verify their presence in the grocery store.

Send photos if you wish.

Posted in Just Too Cool, Liberals, Lighter fare | Tagged Twinkies, unions
29 Comments

“I heard you’re idea’s and their definately good.”

Posted on 15 July 2013 by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Despite the less than elegant rhetorical flourish, this is pretty funny. From XKCD.

I am reminded of how liberals insist that conservatives be nice even while they pour out the worst sort of bile (cf. my email inbox).

(I especially like the modil sentance with those apostrafee’s!)

And just because I posted one cartoon…

Posted in Liberals, Lighter fare | Tagged cartoon, savage chickens, xkcd
18 Comments

“Dear Holy Father… about my car….” Wherein Fr. Z offers advice to priests about vehicles.

Posted on 15 July 2013 by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to Pope Francis’ war on new cars for priests and religious. HERE.

I saw this in an article in the Vatican’s underground satirical newspaper LA CIPOLLA:

[…]

Priests far and wide are now under attack because of make and model and year of their cars. [Well… some are.]

If it is a blue car, parishioners exclaim, “Why not grey car, Father?” If it is a 2003, “Shouldn’t you have a 2002?” If it is an import, they snort, “Why not an Italian car?” If it is domestic, “Wouldn’t a Honda have been cheaper?”, they shout and wave a fist.

Complaints are overwhelming the in-boxes of diocesan bishops! The Holy See’s Congregation of Clergy will soon have to add personnel just to handle the complaints! It’s getting out of hand!

[…]

Concerning. Portentous. This is a sign of things to come, mark my words!

Therefore, as a service to my brother priests, many of whom are filled with anxiety about their wheels, I offer this helpful resource.

Here is a sample letter which all priests world-wide should fill out and send to Pope Francis:

Your Holiness,

Some of my parishioners/my staff/my nasty anonymous letter writers have invoked Your Holiness’ name in criticizing me and the vehicle which I presently drive.

I have taken your criticism to heart, but cannot determine whether or not my vehicle is appropriate for my state in life and situation.

I humbly petition Your Holiness’ assistance in judging this vital pastoral matter.

For Your Holiness’ opportune knowledge and judgment, I submit hereunder details about my vehicle:

– I am a diocesan priest
– My vehicle is a [color], [year], [make], [model]
– The vehicle has [number] miles/km
– The vehicle gets [number] miles/km per gallon
– I purchased it in [year], for [amount]/I was given the vehicle by [whom]/etc.
– The average income of my parishioners/those in the area I reside is [amount]
– In my country, 89% of households own one or more vehicles. Approximately [number]% of my parishioners own vehicles.
– The condition of my vehicle would be classified as: [condition]
– I drive [miles] per week in order to carry out my ministry
– [enter any other pertinent information here – i.e. the need for a four-wheel-drive vehicle due to a region possessed of heavy snow/rough terrain/etc.]

Your Holiness, may I beg the honor of a rescript regarding my choice of vehicle?

I am grateful for your time in considering my case and, in advance, for the pastoral advice you may deign to offer in this pastoral situation.

In filial affection and promising prayers for Your Holiness, I am sincerely in Christ

[NAME]

Okay… at this point I must inform priests out there, reading this with great attention, that I AM KIDDING. I can picture Fr. Scruplespoon at Our Lady Queen of Kneelers dutifully filling this out and sending it in.

This model letter is actually intended only for bishops.

Posted in Lighter fare, Mail from priests, Priests and Priesthood | Tagged cars, La Cipolla, moralism, Pope Francis
45 Comments

QUAERITUR: Walking out of church because of the sermon.

Posted on 15 July 2013 by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

From a reader:

Today, the priest gave an overtly political homily that I have no doubt you would have found highly inappropriate. Think Fr. Michael Pfelger of Chicago. I sat through it in stunned disbelief but some got up and left. Is it ever appropriate to leave Mass in protest?

I suppose it depends on what was said. I can imagine situations in which I would walk out.

Yes, I can imagine something so bad that I would walk out. It would be easier to do so were the topic overtly political or heretical. If, however, the sermon is simply stupid, well… there’s always the Rosary.

On the other hand, there are sermons which make us uncomfortable because they should make us feel uncomfortable.

Sermons shouldn’t just instruct, leave us up in our skulls. If our priests and bishops don’t get under our skin sometimes, they are not preaching well.

Posted in "How To..." - Practical Notes, ASK FATHER Question Box, Liturgy Science Theatre 3000 | Tagged homily, Mass, sermon, Sunday Mass Obligation
108 Comments

TEXAS: The violent tactics of big-business abortion and their supporters

Posted on 14 July 2013 by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

This post has some brutal content, but it reveals the character of a certain slice of our pro-abortion neighbors.

When you have no respect for human life at its inception, why will you have any respect for people with whom you disagree? When people are reduced to nothings at one stage, you will think you can hurt or humiliate, disfigure or abuse them at another.

Enter, pro-abortion protesters.

From Townhall:

Bricks and Tampons Intended to be Thrown at Pro-Life Lawmakers Confiscated by Police UPDATE: Jars of Feces Too

[There is a photo over there which must be seen to be believed. I won’t post it here.]

Apparently chanting “hail Satan,” “f*ck the church,” “bro-choice” and holding signs that say “hoes before embryos” just wasn’t enough for pro-abortion protestors in Texas. According to reports on the ground, police have confiscated bricks, tampons, pads and condoms protestors planned to throw at pro-life lawmakers Friday before a final vote on legislation banning abortions past five months. Protestors continue to be loud inside the Capitol, but the Gallery where debate takes place is silent and under strict rules.

If you’re thinking the Occupy movement must be making a comeback through pro-abortion rallies, you’re not wrong. Many of the same people involved in the Occupy movement are based in Austin and deeply connected to radical, far Left movements. [And they are also hired by people who back big-business abortion.]

UPDATE: The Texas Tribune is also reporting about bricks being confiscated.

DPS officials has been searching bags before letting people into the gallery, requiring them to throw away paper goods such as magazines, receipts, feminine pads and tampons. One DPS officer said authorities had been instructed by the Senate’s sergeant at arms to confiscate anything that could be thrown from the gallery at senators on the floor. She said they had already found objects such as bricks, paint and glitter in bags. [Pro-abortion protesters were going to thrown bricks at lawmakers from the gallery.]UPDATE II: Police have also confiscated jars of urine and feces.

During these inspections, DPS officers have thus far discovered one jar suspected to contain urine, 18 jars suspected to contain feces, and three bottles suspected to contain paint. All of these items – as well as significant quantities of feminine hygiene products, glitter and confetti possessed by individuals – were required to be discarded; otherwise those individuals were denied entry into the gallery.

Liberals.

These are the tactics we have to be ready for.

Posted in Emanations from Penumbras, Liberals, The Drill, The future and our choices, Throwing a Nutty | Tagged abortion, pro-abortion activists, pro-life, protesters, Texas
31 Comments

NJ/NYC: 16 July – O.L. of Mt. Carmel – Pontifical TLM – Procession!

Posted on 14 July 2013 by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

I received this note about a good opportunity in Newark (odder words may never have been written):

There will be a Solemn Pontifical Mass (extraordinary form) on Tuesday, July 16th — the Feast of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel — at the Church of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel in Newark New Jersey. The Mass is at 12:00 Noon.

The celebrant of the Mass will be His Excellency, Arthur J. Serratelli, Bishop of Paterson, New Jersey. (The Church of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel in Newark is the home parish of Bishop Serratelli.) His Excellency will celebrate the Mass at the Faldstool.

The music at Mass will include the Messe Sollonnelle by Louis Vierne (1870-1937), the renowned blind composer who during most of his career was principle organist of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, as well as motets by Franz Schubert and Tomas Luis da Victoria and traditional Italian hymns honoring Our Lady the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Following Mass, there will be the annual outdoor Procession of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel throughout the parish which then concludes back in the Church with Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament. [I was at that procession a few years ago. Wonderful! It had a high participation. This would be a great experience for children and young people who haven’t grown up with this kind of procession.]

The Church of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel is located at 259 Oliver Street in Newark not far from Newark Penn Station. The Church is within walking distance of the station and is also an inexpensive ride by taxi. [Car pool!]

Posted in Liturgy Science Theatre 3000, SUMMORUM PONTIFICUM, The Campus Telephone Pole | Tagged Archd. Newark, Bp. Serratelli
14 Comments

There has to be a better way! This story is so cool it breaks the boundaries of coolness.

Posted on 13 July 2013 by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

This is so cool that it may need its own category. This story combines human ingenuity, youthful motivation, and the free market.

Meet Jack Andraka, Foe of Pancreatic Cancer.

From Smithsonian:

Jack Andraka, the Teen Prodigy of Pancreatic Cancer

A high school sophomore won the youth achievement Smithsonian American Ingenuity Award for inventing a new method to detect a lethal cancer

[…]

Go there to read the story.

In a nutshell, a teenage boy lost a friend to pancreatic cancer. He started learning about the cancer that robbed him of his friend. He found out that most of the time pancreatic cancer was diagnosed very late, too late, and that the tests were way out of date.

He, as a sophomore in high school, invented a new test.

The test needs a drop of blood, it is 400 times more sensitive than existing tests, it costs 3 pennies. It is 100% accurate.

Jack, 15 years old, came up with this test by spending only a few months going after school to a lab a Johns Hopkins and working sometimes until after 2 a.m.

Why have we abdicated our ingenuity and spirit to the employees of large corporations?

Long live the inventor and the entrepreneur.

Posted in "How To..." - Practical Notes | Tagged Jack Andraka, pancreatic cancer
24 Comments

Wherein Fr. Z copes with his new paranoia

Posted on 13 July 2013 by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

I am worried.

Given that Pope Francis has declared war on clerical new cars, I am concerned that other things will soon be in his cross-hairs.

For example, what could be more worrisome to the poor than the sight of cuff links on the clerical sleeves of those shirts beneath clerical garb?

In anticipation of the incipient Franciscan War on Garb, I formed a Plan about which I can now make some off the cuff remarks.

One of many pairs of Fr. Z's evil cuff links exactly like those which Benedict XVI wore.

I have shirts which – I confess it – are made for the offending links. They are even Roman. But, hey, I was in Rome for a long time and we didn’t yet know that “gemelli” are bad things.

Once upon a time, I used to go to thrift stores and buy seconds, those cast off, rejected, anawim of dress shirts for men, remove the collar, stitch up the collar band, and sew my own button hole into the back for the stud to hold the clerical collar in place. A lot cheaper than shirts from clerical shops, I can assure you. Yikes.

So, if then why not now?

I went to one of those stores where you get stuff cheaper and bought – from your donations – a couple regular men’s white dress shirts without the offending cuffs for links. Some call them “French cuffs”, though I don’t know why. It seems to be an American term.

I took them to a nice Vietnamese lady with a little tailoring shop along with one of my evil Roman shirts so that she could copy the collar onto the less evil anawim shirts possessed of the barrel cuffs.

Today I picked them up!

She got them just right.

First, the evil link shirt so you can see the model.

Now, las camisas que no tienen los gemelos malos. Sorry, I am starting to do that more and more.

One of the new shirts, with its button-down collar excised and the button hole added in the outer part of the band of the collar, a space allowing for the insertion of the stud.

So, camisas sin gemellos for under my cassock or my suit.

HA! Take that Pope Francis! I’m way ahead of you.

Seriously, there are ways to get around the cost of clerical clothing and the shirts will be far more comfortable as well.

And for the record, I have absolutely no intention avoiding cuff links.

For the enemies of decorous clerical garb I will only say, “I have cuff links and I’m not afraid to use them!”

Posted in "How To..." - Practical Notes, Brick by Brick, Lighter fare, Priests and Priesthood, What Fr. Z is up to | Tagged clerical clothing, cufflinks
27 Comments

Mary Stachowicz – murdered by “gay” man – a Martyr for the Faith, says Bp. Paprocki

Posted on 13 July 2013 by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Mary Stachowicz (1951-2002)

Preambles:

Homosexuals often commit the most physically brutal crimes that the police see.

[UPDATE: Some people in the tweetosphere are having a spittle-flecked nutty about the sentence I wrote, above. At least I think that is why there is a spittle-flecked nutty going on. On review, I should revise it to say rather that “violent crimes committed by homosexuals are often really brutal”. The point is not that all homosexuals are often committing brutal crimes. That would be absurd and unfair on the face of it. But I am happy to revise and to say that I’m am sorry if the way I phrased that caused confusion or distress to homosexuals.]

This is where we are headed. Mark my words. [Another point: I think we will see an escalation of violence as the “new abnormal” takes root.]

Also, pay attention to the asymmetry revealed in the piece.

From CNS (my emphases and comments):

Bishop: Catholic Mom Murdered by Gay Man ‘Died a Martyr for Her Faith’

(CNSNews.com) – A Catholic mother who was brutally murdered by a gay man because she challenged him about his homosexual lifestyle “died as a martyr for her faith,” according to Bishop Thomas Paprocki, head of the Catholic diocese in Springfield, Ill., who also said the woman’s “murder was widely ignored by the media,” apparently for political reasons. [Her murder was IGNORED?]

The woman, Mary Stachowicz, a 51-year-old mother of four children and devout Catholic, was beaten, stabbed, raped, and strangled to death by then-19-year-old Nicholas Gutierrez on Nov. 13, 2002. He then wrapped her body in plastic and stuffed it under the floorboards of his apartment. After his arrest, Guttierrez gave a videotaped statement to police saying “he attacked Stachowicz after she confronted him for being a homosexual,” reported the Chicago Tribune.

According to the defense attorney, Stachowicz apparently had asked Gutierrez, “Why do you sleep with boys?” [Homosexuals are winning their battles one by one. The next battle they will wage, with the help of the MSM, is to lower the age of consent. Mark my words.]

Bishop Paprocki spoke about Stachowicz and her 2002 death during a discussion about same-sex marriage sponsored by the Jesuit Alumni in Arizona group, in Phoenix, on May 31 of this year. [Watch this…] In his opening remarks, the bishop talked about the extensive coverage by the media given to the murder of Matthew Shephard, who was killed partly because he was gay, and contrasted that with the minimal coverage given to the Stachowicz case, a mother killed because she shared her Catholic beliefs with another person. [Take note of the asymmetry, the double-standard. On the one hand a ‘gay’ is killed, media frenzy. On the other a straight white Catholic is killed by a ‘gay’ (Oh how I HATE how that word has been twisted) and media silence results.. not even a cricket chirps.]

Bishop Thomas Paprocki

As the bishop said: “A Google search on the Internet for the name ‘Matthew Shepard’ at one time produced 11,900,000 results. Matthew Shepard was a 21-year-old college student who was savagely beaten to death in 1998 in Wyoming. His murder has been called a hate crime because Shepard was gay. [If his murder was a hate crime, was not also the murder of Mary Stachowicz?]

“A similar search on the Internet for the name ‘Mary Stachowicz’ yielded 26,800 results. In 2002, Mary Stachowicz was also brutally murdered, but the circumstances were quite different.

“Mary, the gentle, devout 51-year-old Catholic mother of four urged her co-worker, Nicholas Gutierrez, 19, to change his gay lifestyle. Infuriated by this, as he later told police, he allegedly beat, stabbed and strangled her to death and then stuffed her mangled body in a crawl space in his apartment, located above a Chicago funeral home, where they both worked.

[…]
First and foremost, God bless Mary Stachowicz!

Second and consequently, God bless Bp. Paprocki and Fr. Z magna kudos to him.

The article was well-written and deserves your attention, but it was too long to post here.

Posted in Fr. Z KUDOS, Modern Martyrs, One Man & One Woman, Our Catholic Identity, The future and our choices, The Last Acceptable Prejudice | Tagged Bp. Paprocki, D. Springfield in Illinois, homosexuality, martyrdom, Mary Stachowicz
69 Comments

PODCAzT 136: 25 years later – Ratzinger’s address to the Bishops of Chile; The Biological Solution

Posted on 13 July 2013 by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Today marks 25 years since Joseph Card. Ratzinger gave a famous address in Santiago, Chile to the Chilean bishops.

Context: In the months immediately preceding this address, Archbp, Marcel Lefebvre of the SSPX had signed an agreement with the Holy See, represented by Card. Ratzinger. Lefebvre abjured his agreement the next day. Then on 30 June 1988 Lefebvre consecrated four bishops without the permission of the Holy See, thus incurring a latae sententiae excommunication. That communication would eventually be lifted in 2009 by Benedict XVI, Joseph Ratzinger. Here is an English translation of the text of Card. Ratzinger’s address to the Chilean bishops on 13 July 1988.

Then I rant for awhile about the Second Vatican Council as a “superdogma” and about the Biological Solution (a phrase which liberals find appalling – because they have guilty consciences) and about why aging-hippies (in the USA at least) are the way they are.

I find Ratzinger’s description of the post-Conciliar “desacralization” an excellent description of what happened in the Church and why.

For the music I found a bit of Chilean charango and then an adaptation of … well…you’ll find out.

Hint: Here comes trouble!

(Which I am sure I will be in as soon as I post this PODCAzT!)

There is a lot about the SSPX in the text, but I want to steer you to Ratzinger’s deeper points. Let’s avoid the fever swamp.