Next years’s LCWR Assembly Speaker chosen already?

A while back I opined (HERE) about the LCWR assembly speakers:

How do we explain the antics of the LCWR nuns?

I have the impression that – and mothers can correct me about the right age for this sort of thing – I have the impression that the sisters are rather like 13-year-olds right now.  They push and push at the boundary of what is acceptable (acceptable for the Holy See, that is, from whom they crave approval). …

It is as if their leadership is saying: How weird can we be before something snaps?

In the last couple years their keynote speakers have talked about the “noosphere,” “cosmo genesis,” synergistic convergence” and “Christification.” They have talked about “There is no cosmos without God, and no God without cosmos.”

This report is just in from the Eye of the Tiber:

The Dark Lord Sauron To Head Upcoming LCWR Annual Assembly

MORDOR––Sister Florence Deacon announced today that the upcoming annual assembly for the Leadership Conference of Women Religious would be taking place at the smoldering base of Mount Doom in Mordor, and would be lead by the Dark Lord Sauron. The announcement came in a joint statement between LCWR leaders and numerous well know officials from the lands surrounding Mordor including Azog the Defiler, Uruk-hai Scout Captain Ugluk, Orc Captain of the Warg Rider Sharku, and President of LCWR Carol Zinn. LCWR and Mordor leaders would not comment on the specifics of the upcoming conference except to say that they were eagerly anticipating the conference, which would focus on the ongoing situation with the Vatican. “We shall soon celebrate the dawn of a new era!” Zinn shouted to tens of thousands of cheering Orcs and LCWR nuns as they all furiously, mindlessly slammed their spears against their shields in unison, over and over again. Zinn went on to conclude her rousing speech, shouting, “One conference to rule us all! No habits to bind us! No veil to blind us! And with liberation at our helm shall they be defied!”

Fr. Z is skeptical.  Sauron’s policies don’t seem environmentally friendly.

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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  1. Matt R says:

    Father your road to attending just got a lot harder.
    One does not simply walk into Mordor.

    [I still need someone to get me to the gates!]

  2. Tim Ferguson says:

    Color me skeptical as well. Even Sauron is weirded out by 70-year-old liturgical dancers in diaphanous gowns with clay bowls of incense. I also suspect he’s a little scared of Sr. Joan Chittister.

    Fr. Z's Gold Star Award

  3. McCall1981 says:

    I knew right off this was a false report because the LCWR would never have a male like Lord Sauron speak at their conference. Maybe the Borg Queen is more likely… [You may be on to something.]

  4. Fr_Sotelo says:

    Tim Ferguson,


  5. anilwang says:

    I’ll have to agree with Tim.

    Given that the LCWR has been going for the cosmic scale and supporting the U.S. President no matter how evil his policies are, I’d have thought they picked one of the future U.S. presidential candidates, Cthulhu (see ).

    After all, Sauron is only the evil of a few worlds, Presidential candidate Cthulhu is a cosmic evil. Why would they settle for the lesser of two evils?

  6. SanAntonioQueen says:

    I have just finished reading Ann Carey’s book, Sisters in Crisis Revisited.” It is an excellent and sobering account of what has happened; at times it made me angry and at times it made me want to cry. After reading some chapters, I had to find something else to read to lift my spirits because I was so depressed and saddened by what I read. The bishops, especially Archbishop Sartain, are faced with an overwhelming task in working with and reforming the LCWR. Much, much prayer is needed for everyone involved and for the Church.

  7. Emilio III says:

    Their usual choice of speaker seems more like the lesser of two weevils, so you never know…

    My only problem with the original report is that the author does not use the proper English word for slamming their weapons against their shields in unison: swashbuckling.

  8. Yhe Dark Lord Sauron? I’d think our own Father Z would be an equally likely choice by these good sisters as their leader next year.

  9. inexcels says:

    McCall beat me to it. Sauron is way too into the whole patriarchal male-dominance thing for the LCWR. I think Shelob would be more to their taste.

  10. Tantum Ergo says:

    They’re still voting on who will be the speaker. The Nasgul, being former kings, are apparently all out of the running. The nuns are still in mourning that Dorothy’s house fell on their prime candidate, but I understand the White Witch has touched down on Narnian Airlines. Oh! Look at their chimney…Smoke rises from Isengard! Habemus Flaminicam?

  11. CrimsonCatholic says:

    McCall is right, they would prefer to invite the White Witch of Narnia who has a lot more in common with the sisters.

  12. inexcels says:

    anilwang: That Cthulu page is awesome. I think my next presidential vote might end up being a write-in…

  13. Indulgentiam says:

    One Regenopause to rule them all,
    One Regenopause that finds them,
    One Regenopause to blind them all and in the darkness bind them,
    In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
    Yeah, I’ve got a 13 year old right now. I had an excellent conversation with a very devout FSSP Priest. It was one of those -I’m at the end of my rope, one more snide remark from this kid and I’m gonna bust a blood vessel AND four of his freckles…so help me Father! conversations. Got some much needed guidance, learned a few new Saints names to add to my ever growing intercessory list and picked up a new chant “Learn to suffer well” :)

  14. Venerator Sti Lot says:

    But, but, but…
    Why not Ungoliant?

  15. Pingback: Next years’s LCWR Assembly Speaker chosen already? | Bored Again Catholic

  16. Marion Ancilla Mariae says:

    I’m very sorry to have to say so, but you’re all mistaken

    You see, I know who next year’s speaker is, and she is none other than the lady in the following segment:

  17. MasterofCeremonies says:

    Alas, “Always, after a defeat and a respite, the Shadow grows again…” – Gandalf

    Whether or not Saron speaks :) we must still pray without ceasing for the undoing of the evil wrought by liberal clergy and religious in America.

  18. UncleBlobb says:

    Maybe they couldn’t get Cthulu. Is Cthulu female?

  19. Cantor says:

    Need a speaker? Then get a Speaker: Sr. Nancy Pelosi.

  20. Northern Ox says:

    It’ll never happen — there are no 5-star resort hotels in Mordor.

    Isengard, on the other hand, is “a quality establishment. I hear the staff are very good.”

  21. BLB Oregon says:

    Sounds like they were double-booked with a Star Trek-Galactica convention, and decided to enlarge their boundaries of ecumenism.

  22. BenedictineOblate says:

    These “nuns” are supposed to be advocating choices, everyone’s right to make their own choices? I guess the Vatican’s choice to help them see the error of their ways does not count…

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