Slavishly accurate liturgical translations & frank commentary on Catholic issues - by Fr. John Zuhlsdorf o{]:¬)
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Z-Cam and Radio Sabina: 
I was going through some things and found an old watch I haven’t used for a while.
You might find it interesting.
Closer. Note the appropriate roman numerals.
It wants a battery, but it remains amusing…. and exact twice a day!
UPDATE
I was out on errands and got a new battery put in. It runs just fine!
A tip of the biretta o{]:¬) to American Catholic who got this in turn from IowaHawk.
Enjoy!
And remember! Talk Like Shakespeare Day is coming up!
(with apologies to the Bard)ACT XXIV, SCENE 13. On the eve of the health care battle.
Enter the PRESIDENT.
PELOSI.
O that we now had here
But one one-hundred of those Blue Dogs
That face no re-election to-day!OBAMA.
What’s she that wishes so?
My handmaiden Pelosi? No, my fair lady;
If by ballot we are mark’d to die, we are enow
To do our party loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of ear-marks.
Who cares! I pray thee, wish not one vote more
Than is needed for simple majority.
By Alinsky, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed at my state dinners;
It yearns me not that Ashton and Demi my t-shirts wear;
Such outward things are cool but dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet permanent state control,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, Madame Speaker, wish not a man from a swing district.
Screw that! I would not lose so great a bill
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the last hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Pelosi, through my hosts on CNN,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And a token DNC contribution put into his media fund;
But speak not again his traitorous name,
For his re-election is likewise screw’d.
We would not die in that man’s company
That fears the Teabaggers to die with us.
This day is call’d the feast of Reconciliation.
He that votes aye this day, and comes home
To face the slings and arrows and pitchforks of the town-hall mob,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d,
And rouse him at the name of Reconciliation.
He shall have returned to DC on this day, and have the last laugh,
And a seven-figure sinecure on K Street.
In his stately paneled office with Potomac view
He will yearly on the vigil feast his lobbying-staff,
And say ‘To-morrow is Health Care Day.’
A PowerPoint graph of his Gallups he will show,
And say ‘These wounds I had on Reconciliation day.’
Electorates forget; soon all this shall be forgot,
Save that health care is each man’s sacred entitlement,
Like college loans and high speed rail.
But he’ll remember, with advantages,
What parliamentary feats he did that day to make it so.
Then shall our names, familiar in his mouth as talking points-
Harry of Searchlight, Rangel and Boxer,
Stark and Durbin, Grayson and Nelson-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb’red.
This ratchet effect shall the consultant teach his interns;
And Reconciliation Day shall ne’er go by,
From this day until it all goes broke,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we ballsy few, we band of ******s;
For he to-day that sheds his approval ratings with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er entangle in scandals so vile,
This day shall gentle his legacy;
And squishy Dems from swing states now in flight
Shall think themselves accurs’d they chickened out,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That voted with us upon Reconciliation day.
There is a fun post over at St. Louis Catholic:
If today’s faithful Catholic is represented by Elizabeth Bennet, bright, hopeful and coming of age, then the liturgical forms would have to be represented by Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham.
Mr. Wickham is immediately accessible, loves to talk—especially about how bad ol’ Darcy is—has some initial minor flash but soon proves to be tedious and unreliable.
Mr. Darcy at first glance looks stuffy andcondescending, but proves over time to be noble, true, of high quality and charitable.
The ordinary and the extraordinary._____________
Yes, I actually thought this, and then typed it, and therefore I am a loser. [No… people who can’t refer to Austen are the losers.]
P.S. Mrs. Bennet would represent Marek Bozek. Just sayin’. [LOL]
The entry here reminded me of an old chestnut about a chain letter:
The Perfect Priest
The results of a computerized survey indicate the perfect priest preaches exactly fifteen minutes. He condemns sins but never upsets anyone. He works from 8:00 AM until midnight and is also a janitor. He makes $50 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $50 weekly to the poor. He is 28 years old and has preached 30 years. He has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all of his time with senior citizens.
The perfect priest smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work. He makes 15 calls daily on parish families, shut-ins and the hospitalized, and is always in his office when needed.
If your priest does not measure up, simply send this letter to six other churches that are tired of their priest, too. Then bundle up your priest and send him to the church on the top of the list. In one week, you will receive 1,643 priests and one of them will be perfect. Have faith in this procedure.
One parish broke the chain and got its old priest back in less than three weeks.
A reader offered this:
A light hearted proposal in the Olympic Spirit…
The Inaugural Rubrical Olympics would be held at the Blackfen Minor Basilica and accept teams of clergy and servers from any Rite, Form, or Use approved by the Holy See. Priests with bi-ritual faculties or taking advantage of the motu proprio Summorum Pontificum may enter multiple events.
Individual events to include Censing (chain clinks a key judging point) and Blessing (Byzantine priests should pay particular attention to finger positions).
Team events would, of course, revolve around Masses and Divine Liturgies with marks awarded for sychronicity and reverence. Post Consecration thumb-forefinger action would be an important skill. Innovation, creativity, or artistic license would result in point deductions. The use of guitars would result in disqualification.
Periodic testing for banned substances (i.e. polyester, felt, ceramic) would see any offending priests sent to rehab with Msgr. Marini, the Master of Papal Ceremonies.
The Holy and Ancient Order of Rubricarians would, of course, act as judges for all events.
I wonder if this list was vetted by Pope Benedict… from the increasingly weird L’Osservatore Romano, via CNA:
‘Thriller’ makes Vatican list of top 10 albums
Vatican City, Feb 19, 2010 / 12:36 pm (CNA).- The Holy See’s newspaper has released its picks for the "top ten" albums "to take to a desert island." Among the selections are works from the Beatles, Pink Floyd and Michael Jackson’s "Thriller." [This list doesn’t date any of their thinkers, does it.]
Offering a list of favorites as "musical resistance" to the "growing tide of festival songs" released at this time of year in Italy, the Vatican paper, L’Osservatore Romano (LOR), suggests that its own "modest manual can indicate the way of good music." [Really… I didn’t make this up.]
The Beatles’ "Revolver" is "definitely the first work to recommend," notes the Vatican daily. [?! I like the album. Really, I do… but… is this what I want on a desert island?] The paper then cites some of its tracks which "anticipate the rock revolution represented by Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band" and still today manage to produce "goosebumps." [ROFL!]
Pink Floyd’s disc, "Dark Side of the Moon" is "extraordinarily enjoyable" and the words, described as "extremely beautiful," don’t come anywhere close to giving it justice, LOR states.
Michael Jackson’s "Thriller," the Vatican paper continues, is a "masterpiece of the king of pop,” precisely because Jackson added his innovative style to the previously-stereotyped “black music.” [You can’t make this stuff up.]
The article is the latest from LOR in a list of commentaries on elements of popular culture, covering everything from disappointment in the "stale" plot of Avatar to praise for The Simpsons’ "realistic and intelligent writing," although the newspaper deplored the "excessively rude language, violence and extreme choices by the scriptwriters" in the series.
Rounding out the list of musical favorites "to take to a desert island" are albums from Paul Simon, Oasis, Santana and U2, as well as discs from Donald Fagen, Fleetwood Mac and David Crosby.
Okay… fun playlist. I am eclectic as any (with the exception, I think of Michael Jackson in any form)... but… this?
Respondeo dicendum: Let’s load these up on the Holy Father’s iPod and see what his reaction is.
STAGE DIRECTION: Rod Serling enters from stage left, turns to the camera:
"Consider reason #6475 why the Holy began an Apostolic Visitation of women religious in the United States of America."
From a reader:They just don’t see how silly that all is, do they.
Sometimes I wonder if I am in another dimension…
The Archdiocese of Washington Environmental Outreach Committee (why do we need this) and the [wait for it…] Leadership Conference of Women Religious have [this gets better…] a Lenten Carbon Fast 2010 Calendar advising on how we can all be neo pagans…er, take "40 carbon fasting actions we can consider part of our lenten preparations."
CLICK HERE FOR A PDF
Even more ridiculous, it’s administered with the help of the Greater Washington Interfaith Power and Light, an "ecumenical" effort to find an "authentic religious response to climate change." (read the first comment here from a representative)
I sent an email asking the diocese if they really thought that this was an authentic and reasonable response to the Holy Fathers call in Caritas in Veritate for responsible stewardship while avoiding "neo paganism or pantheism" by putting nature before humans (not to mention souls).
I just think, living in a diocese where you know many are not availing themselves of the sacraments and do not believe in the True Presence, this is worse than a distraction from Lent, it’s nearly a religion in itself.
With a tip of the tricorno to the Pertinacious Papist
o{];¬)
I bring you this very important news story:
There has been another coffee mug sighting…. in the wild climes of Iowa!
From a reader:
Ave Zedissime pater! Thought you might be amused to add to your collection this sighting of a "Say the black…" mug standing watch over a slice of homemade blueberry pie. If blueberries weren’t so healthy, or the snow here less deep, I’m sure this would be a sinful way to break one’s fast.
Really enjoyed the post this morning on your trip to WCC. As my own alma mater becomes increasingly irrelevant to the Church’s true needs, it is heartening to know that such places not only exist, but are starting up and thriving. If my bishop ever gave me leave to do so, I would love to teach there for a time, and I have already recommended to high schoolers I know to consider applying there. What was the subject of your talk, if one may ask? ["Holy Mass and Western Civilization: our warmth in our winter." I was given a "thesis" to reflect on from a work by the late John Senior. I think the talk was recorded and can be found on their site.]
Keep up the good work with your blog and your reforming vision. You’re in our prayers, and we commend ourselves also to yours.
Thanks to my friend Fr. Robert Johansen of Thrown Back we know what clerics are up to at the Liturgical Institute near Chicago:
This is what you may receive from us at the mention of liturgical dance:
Occasionally I indulge in this little exercise.
Name eight people you would like to have locked in at the same English country manor for a weekend.
Let’s be creative.
I liked a lot of the Super Bowl Commercials.
On the frivolous side, I would have to say – for me – the Dorito Dog won.
But help me out. Which of the following is the better commercial (yes, I know there are other candidates).
First, the Google spot appealed to my cheery optimistic side:
I especially like the Catholic wedding and resulting child vector.
Next, the Audi Green Police spot appealed to my dark dystopian twin:
All it was lacking was the little "sun" logo patch from a recent presidential campaign on the uniforms.
So…, which of the two will it be?
You can say one was better than the other for any reason.
Not quite sure what to do with this, but…
In other news, I understand that some important ad limina visits have recently been concluded.
