It’s time to build camps! Dangerous illegal immigrants invading!

In Grand Marias, MN, there is a Restaurant called, fetchingly, “South of the Border”.  Not a lick of Tex-Mex in sight.  It’s pretty funny.

Apparently the Canadians up there in Canadia are having their own border problems.   A friend sent this from the The Manitoba Herald (sorry, no link):

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party and the fact Republicans won the Senate are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves. “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.” When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races. [I’d agree to an increase in my taxes for this one!]

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, “We’re going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. We might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out.”


About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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  1. SentimentalGent says:

    This is great!!! I needed the laugh this morning!!!

  2. APX says:

    Lol! This reminds me of an Australian back country vehicle commercial our New Zealander priest keeps showing us because it’s just too funny and you spot something new each time.

    Nothing Soft Gets In

  3. SKAY says:

    “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

    I feel their pain.
    So funny.

  4. yatzer says:

    Three cheers for comic relief!

  5. Makemeaspark says:

    Myron Floren! I had to google it though…

  6. poohbear says:

    If only. LOL!

  7. nemo says:

    Per this link from 2010, this piece dates to the re-election of George Bush in 2004 when Hollywood types said they would leave the country if he were re-elected.

  8. This may well be the funniest thing I have ever read. Thank you, Father Z!

  9. This may well be the funniest thing I have ever read. Thank you, Father Z!

  10. Norah says:

    What a hoot! ROFL

  11. mysticalrose says:

    This is hilarious. . . But am I the only traddie that loves volvos and cabernet, and hates domestic beer and NASCAR?!

  12. PeterK says:

    back ground information
    The Manitoba Herald was a Canadian newspaper that had a short life. It was published only from January to August of 1877. But, “Google ” Manitoba Herald ” and you’ll find an article, supposedly by one Clive Runnels, about the influx of American liberals to Canada, that has gone viral on the internet over the last few months. It’s a spoof, of course. What is almost as funny as the article is that many sharing it via blogs and emails credit it to Clive Runnels of the Manitoba Herald with a straight face. Google ” Clive Runnels” and you will find there is no such person. Ah well. That’s fact checking on the internet for you…or maybe it is just the Rush Limbaugh, Fox News,” truth is what you want it to be and reality doesn’t matter ” factor.

  13. hilarious. BTW.Fox News is the only way to get away from state run media putting out propaganda. Thank you Father Z. Had to tweet it.

  14. Joe in Canada says:

    Is Google so omniscient now that if someone doesn’t appear there, he doesn’t exist?

  15. Maynardus says:

    Hah! This Volvo-driving Cabernet-drinking TLM-attending Rush-listening Catholic gentleman got a kick out of it… of course it was obvious that it was a spoof, but these days we all need a laugh…

  16. APX, I love that ad! ‘Yep, we got tofu here.’ And the man-bag. It’s just the living end, that man-bag.

    I also love the Victoria Bitter one with the long procession with banners … I know representatives of almost all of those great Australian social groups.

  17. chris1 says:

    So much to love here. First, I drove a Volvo wagon for just over a year after my trusty camry gave up the ghost…I work on a college campus and my wife and friends told me everyone would think I was a professor, driving that car around.

    Second – any article that references the Red Green Show is a win in my book!!!

  18. Stvsmith2009 says:

    @mysticalrose…I can feel your pain. Well….part of it. I am a Catholic convert in the mountains of western North Carolina, who is eyeballed with suspicion here in a great baptist and NASCAR stronghold. I am not just eyeballed with suspicion for becoming Catholic, but I am considered a heretic for disliking NASCAR. Even worse, in the rural area where I live there is a small nearby community called….and I am not making this up….Democrat.

  19. LarryW2LJ says:

    Living in New Jersey, it is sometimes not easy to be identified as a Republican, much less a Conservative. People tend to treat me like I have three heads, or like I am something akin to a Neanderthal. However, the day after the election, I posted to all my like minded friends – “I am enjoying the apoplexy”.

  20. Makemeaspark says:

    PeterK It’s a joke son…

    Also, Listen to Rush Limbaugh for your own-self or don’t talk about him please. Same with Fox News, which is actually America’s most trusted news source because they really are fair and balanced. Ask the Liberals who work for them, who were rejected by the liberal news orgs who fired them for trying to report ALL the news.

  21. Marc M says:

    Lol. This is great. Looks like I’m a member of a previously-unknown subculture though–cabernet, imported beer, organic broccoli, bored by NASCAR, Rush on the dial in my sensible car on the way to a TLM…? Of course, I’m under 35 and know who Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney are, so maybe I’m already a weirdo.

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