Christmas Cookie Recipe (New, Corrected Translation)

UPDATE 17 Dec 1405 GMT:

I originally thought this was from some seminarians.  I received it my email and without an attribution. I have since learned that it was originally posted on Commonweal.  You can find their page HERE.

By using this new version, your cookies will be more enjoyable and more fattening than ever:

Christmas Cookie Recipe
(New, Corrected Translation)

Serves: you and many.

Cream these ingredients, that by their comingling you may begin to make the dough:
1 chalice butter, 2/3 chalice sugar

In a similar way, when the butter is consubstantial with the sugar, beat in:
1 egg

Gather these dry ingredients to yourself and combine them, so that you may add them to the dough which you have already begun to make:
2 1/2 chalices sifted all-purpose flour, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon vanilla

Mix the precious dough with your venerable hands.

Into the refrigerator graciously place the dough so that it may be chilled, for the duration of 3 or 4 hours, before the rolling and cutting of the cookies.

When, in the fullness of time, you are ready to bake these spotless cookies, these delicious cookies, these Christmas cookies, preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Roll out the dough and, taking up a cookie cutter or stencil of your choosing, fashion the cookies into pleasing forms.

Sprinkle colorful adornments over cookies like the dewfall.

Bake for 8 to 10 minutes, or until the cookies have just begun to manifest the brownness that is vouchsafed to them by the oven’s heat.

May these cookies be found acceptable in your sight, and be borne to a place of refreshment at your table, there to be served with milk or hot chocolate, or with your spirits.

Merry Christmas!

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About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
This entry was posted in Fr. Z's Kitchen, Just Too Cool, Lighter fare. Bookmark the permalink.

34 Responses to Christmas Cookie Recipe (New, Corrected Translation)

  1. James says:

    I wish more recipes read this way. Beautiful!

  2. Tim Ferguson says:

    I don’t know if I’m worthy for these cookies to come under my roof.

  3. teomatteo says:

    If you eat the cookie dough before baking that would be a grievous fault [striking stomach]

  4. APX says:

    By using this new version, your cookies will be more […] fattening than ever

    Oh goodie! Just what I need! Lol!

    This is hilarious, but I can’t help but feel like it’s borderline blasphemy, but nevertheless I shall laugh in joyful hope for the coming of deliciousness, these Christmas cookies.

    My grandmother said to me, Christmas cookies I leave you. My Christmas cookies I give you. Let us offer one another a Christmas cookie.

  5. Will D. says:

    I would dearly love to see the lame-duck version of the recipe. “Oh, Cookies, you’re so sweet. Help us to be sweet like you.”

  6. Daniel Latinus says:

    Surely these cookies are ineffable…

    Fr. Z's Gold Star Award

  7. Mike Morrow says:

    The concluding line should be:

    “Eat in Peace, the Mess is ended. Thanks be to God.”

  8. mamajen says:

    I’m enjoying the comments as much as the recipe!

  9. tealady24 says:

    And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation”. And don’t forget the cookies!
    Very creative!
    I’ll be trying these out!

  10. FloridaJoan says:

    I love you all and your cute quips ; can’t wait to try the cookies !

    pax et bonum
    Joan

  11. Andy Milam says:

    @ Tim.

    Oh, but all you must do is pray the Domine and you’re worthy. The new and corrected translation goes thusly;

    O Confection, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof,
    but only waft the smell and my soul shall be worthy of your confectionery goodness.

    If you prefer it in Latin…

    O unguenta, non sum dignus ut intres sub tectum meum;
    sed anima mea et odor DEDUCO CUPPEDIAE vestrae bonitatis.

    Repeat thrice and enjoy the desserts which are meet and just.

  12. Bryan Boyle says:

    Ineffable.

    Love the comments just as much, in truth. Veritably, a wondrous assembly of ingredients to nourish (perhaps not so much…;)) the body to the joy of the soul.

  13. MattnSue says:

    If you are over 21 you could have these cookies, and with (them), your spirit (of choice – I think Bailey’s would go well)

  14. jeffreyquick says:

    I am somehow reminded of the blessing of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

  15. Lirioroja says:

    This first appeared on the Commonweal blog: http://www.commonwealmagazine.org/blog/?p=16347

  16. Veronica says:

    I ate them all! Through my fault, through my fault, thorugh my most grievous fault! LOL!

  17. Mariana says:

    Andy Milam,

    Unless it is CORPUS meus : ) !
    Love the Lame-duck version, too!

  18. ghp95134 says:

    “…for the duration of 3 or 4 hours….” got me to thinking (a dangerous undertaking) ….

    STOLLEN
    I believe in Pillsbury,
    Who says it best, and
    Creates heavenly delights;
    And in Stollen, the almond-paste marzipan Christmas cake,
    Conceived by the old-world Germans
    Sold by Bahlsen, (all bow)
    Suffered under the Pâtissier,
    Beaten, mixed, and kneeded;
    Descended into the Oven and rose;
    On the third hour it rose again from being baked;
    Ascended onto a platter,
    And is placed at the right hand of Me, the eater of all things sweet;
    From thence it will come to be “Wanted: Dead or Alive.”
    I partake of Holiday Spirits,
    Fine single-malt whiskey,
    The communion of fine pipe tobacco,
    The forgiveness of bad jokes,
    The replenishment of the body,
    And fine life everafter. Amen

  19. Legisperitus says:

    In the context of a cookie recipe, it reads like those infamous instruction manuals translated in China… as tone-deaf to the different “levels” of English prose as the obsolete translation of the Mass was.

  20. DLe says:

    I’m sure that, from the rising of the sun to its setting, everyone will be enjoying the cookies!

  21. kittenchan says:

    This is hilarious! However, if you’re able to cream butter and sugar until they’re the same substance, I have a few questions to ask about you and your kitchen…

  22. Luvadoxi says:

    I’ve been thinking about this post and it troubles me. On the one hand, this shows the absolute absurdity of the lame duck translation, and how it spoke in “cookie recipe” language. So–I do think it’s funny. But…..the comment about “borderline blasphemous.” We are talking about the Most Holy Eucharist. I don’t know….I really don’t.

  23. benedetta says:

    C is for cookie that’s good enough for me…

  24. Margaret says:

    And, of course, if your local parish is sadly lacking in beautiful stained glass, you can help compensate by cutting a shape out of the center of the cookie, filling it with crushed Jolly Ranchers, and baking as above.

  25. mrsmontoya says:

    Thank you once again Fr. Z. I plan to print and shar with the many priests of my acquaintence.

  26. ScholaLady says:

    I’m having trouble understanding this recipe. Can we please have a seminar or something to help us deal with it?

  27. Cristero says:

    We would not need a new, corrected translation if we had kept the original Latin.

  28. APX says:

    I don’t like that they’re imposing a new Christmas Cookie Recipe on me without consulting me first. As the chief baker in my kitchen I have a right to be consulted before having my Christmas Cookie Recipe changed. I don’t measure stuff out with a “chalice”. I use a cup. I’m not using this recipe. In fact, I’m going to go share my views about this imposition of a new recipe on me without consulting me first to the Prefect of Divine Mixing and Baking of Cookies.

  29. Sandra_in_Severn says:

    Brilliant Padre! But you forgot that 8-10 minutes is close to 2 (quick) decades of the Rosary.

    This fits my family as this weekend is “Baking Weekend,” the wait almost over.

    “Come Lord, Come!”

  30. JMody says:

    First off, I second the observation of Jeffreyquick, above — this smacks of the Holy Hand Grenade. Is this recipe also from Antioch?

    Second, the translation is still questionable — as we ALL know, the very word “RECIPE” comes from a Latin imperative form of “to take” as in “take this in your hand” or “git yer meat-hooks on this” . This plain, simple word is also the correct word, and yet it is omitted, so we clearly have some more work to do. Why someone should choose the harder WRONG over the easier RIGHT is still beyond me.

  31. jesusthroughmary says:

    “For the duration of 3 to 4 hours…”

    Neither bake for 2, except that thou then proceed to 3. 5 is right out.

  32. Luvadoxi says:

    Ah….maybe I’m overthinking it all….

  33. AnAmericanMother says:

    “Ah . . . Skip a bit, Brother Ambrose . . . ”
    Baking Day here too. We’ll slip in some of these while the homemade bread is rising.

  34. Rachel says:

    Love the recipe and the comments!

    Sacral language is silly when applied to cookie-making, and mundane language is at best inadequate when applied to sacred things.

    I’m going to have to try the Jolly Rancher thing…