Bad Liturgical Idea #7548023

How ridiculous are things getting?

This is an indication.

From Core77:

Industrial Designer Solves Problem of Social-Distancing Priests Baptizing Babies with Squirt Guns

Joshua Skirtich’s 3:16 Magnum Baptism squirt gun

How does a priest baptize a baby while adhering to social distancing? Industrial designer Joshua Skirtich observed the new trend of using squirt guns loaded with holy water.

[… pictures of dopey priests pointing squirt guns at babies… ]

It’s obviously disturbing to see an adult pointing any type of firearm-like device at a baby. Skirtich came up with something far better. Here’s his project:

3:16 Magnum

Recently, Catholic priests began using squirt guns loaded with holy water to baptize from afar. Photos of these Covid-19 Baptisms showcase uniformed men holding vibrant, plastic, toys for what is normally a serious, sacred ceremony. I initially thought to redesign the gun as a joke, but later realized it as a serious opportunity to design a premium squirt gun – something that has never really had a reason to exist.

The gun’s silhouette is a cross, the most important symbol of Christianity. The red cross floating in acrylic doubles as crosshairs (to aim with) and another nod to Christianity.

Three holes in the barrel signify ” the father, the son, and the holy spirit,” a doctrine used to explain the complex structure of God being three entities at once. During a baptism, the priest will say “I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”


Just, No.

About Fr. John Zuhlsdorf

Fr. Z is the guy who runs this blog. o{]:¬)
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  1. dmflinn says:

    When I was reading the post – I got to think about the phase we used in Marines in Vietnam for a way of returning incoming fire “Spray and Pray.”

  2. WVC says:

    The only acceptable use for this is fighting vampires.

  3. Ms. M-S says:

    Of course I have no idea of whether the industrial designer actually and fully meant to trivialize the sacrament or whether the man unconsciously betrayed how little reverence he felt for the sacrament. In any case, this seems to belong with the innovative Masses we’ve suffered through since VatTwo or those fatuous wedding vows some couples insist on writing for themselves. If something can’t be readily destroyed by reason or force, it can be discredited in the hearts of many by disrespect.

  4. JonPatrick says:

    As is often true these days, it is hard to tell the truth from satire, I read something thinking it is from the Babylon Bee and it is an actual event that really happened. This is one of those.

  5. Gab says:

    How irreverent! God have mercy on us.

  6. GregB says:

    At the church that I go to they recently put in automatic holy water dispensers to take the place of the holy water founts. They are small plastic dispensers with a spout. When you put your hand under the spout a proximity detector turns on a white light and then dispenses a small amount of holy water into your hand.

  7. Fuerza says:

    Let’s put aside the flat out irreverence and ridiculousness for a second. Would this even be considered valid assuming the priest pulling the trigger is the same one reciting the formula? I can legitimately see a limited use for this in some extreme emergencies, like in a life or death scenario where the priest cannot physically get close enough to pour water due to some obstacle. For a regular baptism, no.

  8. Fallibilissimo says:

    Hahaha!!! Yeah, I think I saw that episode of the Simpsons!

  9. This can’t possibly be legit.

    The baptism ritual says “The celebrant … immerses the child or pours water over him (her.)”

    Using a squirt gun does neither.

  10. It is ridiculous, but it’s also the logical extension of taking an extraordinary practice (pouring or sprinkling only when triple immersion was not possible) and making it normative. You reap what you sow.

  11. GloriaDei says:

    Greg B, please tell me you are making this up!

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  13. Semper Gumby says:

    This stunt is not a Baptism, those adults are building the foundation for the infant’s Christian life on sand not rock.

    See the first chapter of Bp. Schneider’s “Christus Vincit” for baptism in the Soviet Union when a priest was not available.

    Yogi Berra:

    “In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.”

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