As many of you know, I’m a big supporter of LEOs. With my family background, I pretty much bleed blue. Also, I am a strong proponent of the 2nd Amendment and LOTS of training for … well.. everyone, whether they decide to conceal carry or not.
That said, I had an email today from Tactical and Preparedness Newletter, which reports a stunning – pardon the pun – new development!
This is an exciting step forward and I can’t wait for the civilian version.
Tactical and Preparedness Newsletter
By: Ox and David MorrisIn a bold move to Back The Blue, Trump spokesman, John Spartan, announced that a new hybrid-weapon is going to be made available to all federal, state, and local US law enforcement.
Based on the 2260s Phaser used on the TV show “Star Trek,” the pistol form weapon has stun, heat, and kill modes and an effective range of 100 meters. [Tell me YOU don’t want one!]
Dr. Raymond Cocteau said, “This will truly revolutionize law enforcement in the US. Early testing has shown that officer proficiency with the phaser is 8-10 TIMES higher than with traditional pistols because officers enjoy setting the phaser to ‘stun’ or ‘heat’ and practicing at home in addition to training at the range.”
When combined with tactical “3 seashells” training, [Very important!] it provides a huge jump in the ability to seamlessly scale force. [Split infinitive… oh well.]
“One of the biggest benefits is the ability to do realistic training in stun mode using pets, children, and spouses as moving targets.
[…]
I can’t wait for the civilian version! Think: hordes of Unneeded Ministers of Communion swarming the sanctuary, etc.
Because I know that the mention of Pres. Trump is a “trigger” (pardon for pun) for the dems out there, and various foreigners, I’ll turn the comment moderation ON for a while.
o{];¬)
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Excellent!! Had me going to amazon before I finished reading it! Hee-Haw! Hee-Haw!! (You have to laugh at yourself so that you aren’t left out…).
Fr. Z.,
John Spartan and Raymond Cocteau…3 seashells training….hmmm. Names I remember from 1993.
I think Prima Aprillis is in play here.
LOL!!!
Scotty, set phasers to “pant suits”. Fire at will.
Father, considering the day…are you tugging our legs a bit ?
If so, you had me enough to forward to a friend.
Well played, Pater. Well played.
*checks calendar*
*arches eyebrow skeptically*
Most unusual, Father.
And a lovely April Fool’s Day to you, too. I, especially loved the line:
“One of the biggest benefits is the ability to do realistic training in stun mode using pets, children, and spouses as moving targets.”
Besides, everybody knows that tactical laser rifles will be developed before phasers – I mean Captain Pike does come before Captain Kirk.
The Chicken
Happy April Fools’ Day everyone!
If you refer to Star Trek, you have to boldly go toward split infinitives.
https://www.alamy.com/stock-photo/with-bells-on-his-legs.html
Split infinitive is a nod “to boldly go” (perhaps the most famous s.i. in the English language).
All cruisers should be equipped with forward and aft photon launchers too!
April 1. S.U.R.E.
This is a welcome development for CrimeFighters everywhere.
Meanwhile, at Quantico, Marines are busy in the workshop adapting this weapon for overseas use by adding a GPS, laser rangefinder, and a CamelBak of RedBull.
In addition to Stun, Heat, and Kill the lads at Quantico have added a fourth selection: SoyBoy.
In SoyBoy mode there are three power settings. When hit by the weapon’s beam an onrushing terrorist will pause and then:
Power 1: Suddenly develop a powerful craving for tofu, arugula salad, and feather boas.
Power 2: Discards suicide vest and goes shopping for skinny jeans and a “Maddow – Queen of Cable” T-shirt.
Power 3: Wanders off to a bookstore for a SoyLatte and a copy of James Martin’s “Building a Bridge.”
I want one!!! To bad it’s the one day of the year that I don’t trust Fr. Z….. :-)
No thanks to a phaser or blaster; too pedantic. Give me a LIGHT SABER! Truly a weapon of Archangel Uriel!
Good April Fool’s joke, Father Z!
That should melt quite a few snowflakes! LOL
Beatus Aprilis I
No doubt a shot as good as you, Father, could use it to light the candles on the altar without leaving the sacristy… Happy 1/4!
I want one! But would it be illegal to use on co-workers?
We can all celebrate at Taco Bell (they did win the fast food franchise wars, afterall)!
April Fool!
Unmentioned in the article is that the stun gun comes with several pre-charged extra magazines and a cord that will permit the stun feature to be charged from any 120 volt socket plus an extension cord that will plug into the cigarette lighter of any squad car. The heat feature can be set on automatic and used completely to clear your sidewalk of snow or dialed down to light your barbeque. All in all a very handy device.
“To seamlessly scale force” will get a pass from the split infinitive police, as did “to boldly go where no man has gone before”.
See http://www.english-for-students.com/To-Boldly-Go.html .
Happy April Fools’ Day Father Z!
Now we know what the space force should carry! Although I still think they should have called it stat fleet.
*star fleet
Heat mode should help them cook thir fish for tonight’s dinner. ;-)
“One of the biggest benefits is the ability to do realistic training in stun mode using pets, children, and spouses as moving targets.”
Yeah, right. [Takes off apron, leaves kitchen. ‘Get your own supper, Buster.’]
No please, jet packs first! Wait, jet packs AND phasers…ooooo…..
My parish priest just showed me yesterday a letter concocted for the traditional 1st April joke that was sent to many priests in France.
On an official Holy See’s captioned paper the letter says in substance that due to the unprecedented crisis currently raging in the RCC, the decision was made by the Vatican to move back the Seat of Peter to Avignon, France.
In all seriousness, quite a bit of Star Trek tech, even TNG level, seems outdated by today’s standards. One padd can only hold one or two documents? What is this 2010?
The communicators? William to 1990s Nextel…
Expect “Holodeckaholics Anonymous” to be a thing in this century :)